End of Marriage Dilemma

[RavenWolf]

I had posted before about ending my marriage of over 12 years due to multiple affairs my spouse has had and then finding him looking at sex partner ads on craigslist.

 

Since the "big blow out" he has moved into the downstairs bedroom.

 

Here is where the dilemma begins: He wouldn't move out of the house and there is no money for me and the kids to move.

 

He says he will not divorce me even though I no longer want to be married.

 

He keeps telling me he wants no one else only me and the kids although I have told him I no longer want to be married.

 

I have been unable to secure a job or land an interview, so I am at a loss on how to get on my feet with 2 kids.

 

I feel sad and trapped.

 

There is no fixing the marriage because he still is not admitting that he searched the sex ads and he has had several indiscretions so obviously there was never a lesson learned. I feel no love toward him at all and he is aware of this.

 

Does anyone have any advice for 1. How I can secure a job to help support myself and the kids and 2. How to come up with the funds for divorce??

 

Our state does not have a legal separation requirement. Divorce papers can be served at any time and if it's uncontested (which it won't be) could be over in as little as 31 days.

 

Due to health issues I have I also need insurance somehow.

 

I'm so frustrated!!!

[TigerCub]

Sorry this is happening to you.

 

But honestly be proud of yourself that you are sticking to your guns on this and not settling for the crappy way he has treated you.

That takes guts.

 

Can you borrow the money for filing the divorce papers from your parents/siblings/ some family member?

 

What about getting a lawyer that does pro bono work (I dunno how easy it is to find that where you are, but I'm sure you can do some kind of search for it).

 

As for how to support yourself, well if you've been a stay at home mom all this time, and depending on the ages of your kids, then your husband will have to pay alimony and child support until you find a job.

 

To find a job you go and look for whatever work you can do.

You also decide on what you'd like to do and figure out what you're missing in terms of education, and work towards getting a student loan and getting the education you require.

 

He can't force you to stay married to him, and he's an ass that has cheated on you and betrayed you and his kids repeatedly. So don't let him bully you into staying.

 

You seem like a strong person, and you can get through this, you just have to do a bit of research and reach out to the right people for help.

 

Good luck.

[RavenWolf]

Sorry this is happening to you.

 

But honestly be proud of yourself that you are sticking to your guns on this and not settling for the crappy way he has treated you.

That takes guts.

 

Can you borrow the money for filing the divorce papers from your parents/siblings/ some family member?

 

What about getting a lawyer that does pro bono work (I dunno how easy it is to find that where you are, but I'm sure you can do some kind of search for it).

 

As for how to support yourself, well if you've been a stay at home mom all this time, and depending on the ages of your kids, then your husband will have to pay alimony and child support until you find a job.

 

To find a job you go and look for whatever work you can do.

You also decide on what you'd like to do and figure out what you're missing in terms of education, and work towards getting a student loan and getting the education you require.

 

He can't force you to stay married to him, and he's an ass that has cheated on you and betrayed you and his kids repeatedly. So don't let him bully you into staying.

 

You seem like a strong person, and you can get through this, you just have to do a bit of research and reach out to the right people for help.

 

Good luck.

 

I do not have anyone to borrow the money from since everyone I know is strapped financially as well. Plus...I HATE asking for help. That is probably my biggest issue.

 

 

I have put in applications at many places, including gas stations and do not even get called in for interviews. It's very discouraging. I can only assume it is because I haven't worked in 12 years. (I was declared incapacitated due to depression and anxiety and dr pulled me out of work.) Of course, this means I have no current work history or schooling. Ugh.

 

I just want to be happy. I'm in counseling for myself to hopefully repair my self esteem and confidence but that is not going to happen overnight.

 

I have a friend who relocated from across country to one state away from me who offered me and the kids a place to stay while we get on our feet, but it would be up to the judge's discretion whether the kids could go out of state or not. My "husband" has already stated to me that he does not want them going out of state.

 

How do other women who have nothing but responsibility to their children do it? How do they succeed? Landing a job is the one thing I need to do to get on with my life!

[EllenG]

I know how you feel...and I applaud your bravery. I've been married now to a cheater for 24 years. I'm crying as I write this post because I feel I wasted 24 years with someone who never loved me...so you are ahead of the game.

 

I would ask - can you go back to school? You may qualify for financial aide that would give you some support while you get on your feet. Depending where you are u may be able to get help from community agency to move on. Check w your local united way to see if you can be directed to help.

 

Have you thought of starting your own business? I'm looking into that to see if I can get help as a female owned business...I know that's not the easiest thing to do but hey, what do you have to lose.

 

Best wishes...