misskelly Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Your answers to my last post re:email privacy brought up another issue I'm having trouble with: venting about your SO This was the very first relationship I've ever had in which I decided to vent to my girlfriend (up until recently) and he vented to his guy friends. It created more problems than I ever could have imagined!!! Every time my relationship was going really well or I was working on changing things for the better my girlfriend always had something bad to say to discourage me, reminding me of the times I vented about one thing or the other. Venting to my mom was a total disaster, she overreacted & even told him off one day and I don't think he'll ever speak to her again. Him venting to his family caused them to write nasty emails about me and him venting to his best friend resulted in him snubbing me in public each time I'd run into him, caused me many tears and even nightmares. I've learned my lesson about this one, though venting is encouraged by many, I totally disagree with it, I think it's disrespectful to speak of someone like that if the person is not around. I don't believe it's loving to tarnish anyone's name like that either even if it's to your close friends & family. Unfortunately, people don't suspend judgement even if you ask them to and explain you're only venting. I believe venting should be limited to a qualified therapist or anonymous party. Just be careful, it can really have a rippling effect on your life. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Yep. Vent to someone who is not connected to you and your husband. But most friends should know and be there just to let you get 'whatever is pissing you off' about your SO and know that it is JUST venting and nothing else. Last thing you ever want, need or expect is it being thrown back at you. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 I vented about my dh to my family and friends all the time and it was the biggest mistake I made! I will never do it again. If I need to vent I keep it to myself or write it in my journal. Sorry you went through all that mess Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 the other thing you forgot is that when you vent like this to people you know they only get one side of the story... the other opinion i have is that women tend to exaggerate negative things when they vent to other people. men usually don't do this as much. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 I totally agree. It's horrible to talk badly about your SO.. you should save it for eachother. If you can't get the problems out of your head, get to work resolving them or break up. It's rough being in the friend's position, too. Because you tend to get into a pattern where you only get to hear the bad stuff. So it's impossible to think anything positive about the relationship, and when you do, you think it's b.s. and your friend is too big a weiny/pushover to just end it and lose all respect for the relationship. Another thing that bugs me, a couple of times guys have told me, "My girlfriend is a total bitch!" I'm not sure what kind of reaction they're looking for when they say that but I automatically think they're an a$$. "Um, don't talk s*** about my friend? Why am I the one standing up for YOUR girlfriend?" "So... you like bitches, then?" Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 I agree. It's really none of anyone's business what is going on w/ your SO. Problems need to be worked out w/ them rather than running to another person and bitching about them. Since I did so much bitching and venting to my family and friends they probably thought my dh was the biggest jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
suspicious2 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 the other downside of venting..don't tell any of your personal biz at all to co-workers! Despite how readily available they are,how often you see them,etc. Even if you've chatted so much you think of them as a bestfriend. Usually when you stop working together the friendship you thought was there evaporates and you find that they 're out for themselves. I had this happen to me-someone I would've trusted with any info at all-not only told everyone in the company behind my back(highly sensitive info); but she also had me on speakerphone a few times and she got me wrote-up solely from something i confessed to her. Not to mention when i was having a really hard time with things and became depressed/suicidal she was gonna try to get my baby boy taken away from me! Beware co-workers don't make good confidantes. Link to post Share on other sites
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