He's Turning It Around...?

[LinkWorshiper]

I know people have expressed that there is no sense in staying the course because it doesn't do any good. I think that there is some validity there, depending on the individuals involved, but it's not for me, even though there has been some NC and all that kind of stuff involved in my relationship with my ex, whom I still love despite everything. In recent days, especially, the person I love has been coming out of his shell, and it reassures me. And this has happened because we opened the lines of communication again and started talking in a way that makes both of us a little vulnerable. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you never get anywhere without a little risk, and that includes reconciliation. It doesn't even bother me that it's taken so long to get to this point because the time is what is going to make things be stronger between us.

 

Anyway, having said all that, I guess I would like to know how to steer things without being pressuring or manipulative. Despite the fact that we had an almost crippling argument right when we started talking again, my man and I pushed through it and now speak every day, and I know he's been keeping tabs on things I do via social media, though I'm not sure he knows I know. He's comfortable being seen with me in front of his friends and coworkers, and even has been a little affectionate in those situations. (No kissing or anything, but lots of touches, leaning against one another, the giving of gifts, etc.) I've also noticed him being much more nosy about who I'm hanging out with, where I'm going, that kind of thing. He even comes to me asking about tattoo ideas (I am apprenticing) and has asked me repeatedly if I would practice on him. He's much more receptive to serious conversations and says he feels like we're finally connecting on an even level, which is true. He says these interactions have been important for us and they make him happy, that it's made him do a lot of important thinking recently, though he's not ready to talk about it just yet.

 

It honestly feels like when he was first courting me so many years ago, but this time, he is being a little cautious. I barely lift a finger when it comes to interacting with him, unless you count posting stuff on the internet as lifting a finger. I guess what I would like to know is good approaches to get him to be ready to talk about the things he's been thinking about. I know every time we interact, he seems to loosen up a bit more, so maybe it's just a game of patience. I just don't want to say anything that is too pushy, since things have been growing in a more organic way and I think he's trying to deal with things beyond just his relationship with me, just as how I'm dealing with things beyond just my relationship with him.

Edited September 10, 2013 by LinkWorshiper
extra thoughts

[Zahara]

Is he still dating/seeing that other girl? Or was that speculation?

[Mariposa10]

Is he still dating/seeing that other girl? Or was that speculation?

 

Yeah, I was gonna ask the same thing... Is he still seeing that other girl?

[LinkWorshiper]

Is he still dating/seeing that other girl? Or was that speculation?

 

I have no idea at this point and I don't want to ask and seem petty or like I care that much, even though I do. Also, when we argued, it was because I overtly asked if he was (after trying to be subtle), but the argument didn't stay focused on her very long, and he just had a melt down, which was obviously upsetting. Now, he NEVER mentions her around me anymore, and I'm not sure if things changed since the first hang out we had after the argument, which he told me was "very important for us". It was after that hang out he started saying things about doing a lot of thinking, and though he said he wasn't ready to talk specifics, he did say that it had a lot to do with thoughts and feelings.

 

Anyway, I wonder what the deal is with this other girl since he has told me it's okay for me to drop in on him at his job, where apparently she also works. We ate lunch in the break room together where there was a lot of potential for people to see us, and I know I stuck out because I obviously don't work there. Just last night, he texted me to lament how he was home alone making dinner and wished he had someone to cook for. Honestly, considering how often he messages me, considering that it usually happens in the evening after work, and considering he often seems to be out doing things with his friends or playing video games (or reading my Tumblr, which he's even started checking from his job), I wonder how serious it could be. At the moment, I'm trying to focus on my relationship with him as if she doesn't exist because she really has nothing to do with whether or not he recognizes what I have to offer. If he's unsure between the two of us, I would like to think that just putting my best foot forward is the only way to go.

 

Whew! Sorry that was so long. Just my thoughts on that particular issue. Which is really the one thing that keeps me from being 100% confident he is trying to win me back.

Edited September 10, 2013 by LinkWorshiper

[Mariposa10]

I have no idea at this point and I don't want to ask and seem petty or like I care that much, even though I do. Also, when we argued, it was because I overtly asked if he was (after trying to be subtle), but the argument didn't stay focused on her very long, and he just had a melt down, which was obviously upsetting. Now, he NEVER mentions her around me anymore, and I'm not sure if things changed since the first hang out we had after the argument, which he told me was "very important for us". It was after that hang out he started saying things about doing a lot of thinking, and though he said he wasn't ready to talk specifics, he did say that it had a lot to do with thoughts and feelings.

 

Anyway, I wonder what the deal is with this other girl since he has told me it's okay for me to drop in on him at his job, where apparently she also works. We ate lunch in the break room together where there was a lot of potential for people to see us, and I know I stuck out because I obviously don't work there. Just last night, he texted me to lament how he was home alone making dinner and wished he had someone to cook for. Honestly, considering how often he messages me, considering that it usually happens in the evening after work, and considering he often seems to be out doing things with his friends or playing video games (or reading my Tumblr, which he's even started checking from his job), I wonder how serious it could be.

 

Whew! Sorry that was so long. Just my thoughts on that particular issue. Which is really the one thing that keeps me from being 100% confident he is trying to win me back.

 

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I tried to never really ask about the other girl because I once read this article that by asking, you make that person even more important than you or your ex. In other words, you pretty much kick yourself out of the pic by asking. However, I think I've reached my limit. I don't care anymore if they are hanging out or not. I don't care if they are dating. I wonder if this means I'm over him?? My ex has also been reaching out, texting me and calling me and letting me know where he is and what he's doing, pretty much what your ex is doing. He has kind of even noticed my indifference because he left me a voice mail saying, "now you're busy all the time." I'm not ignoring him, I don't want to play games is just that I'm really disappointed in this whole situation. Also, he hasn't offered/said anything concrete. These are all still breadcrumbs.

 

I'm still curious to know when the time to ask about the other girl comes. I'm really hurt and I think I'm getting out of the fog I was in and now I'm seeing things clearly. I don't know what I will do. I don't know what I want anymore. But I will be paying attention to your thread since we almost have the same problem.

[LinkWorshiper]

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I tried to never really ask about the other girl because I once read this article that by asking, you make that person even more important than you or your ex. In other words, you pretty much kick yourself out of the pic by asking. However, I think I've reached my limit. I don't care anymore if they are hanging out or not. I don't care if they are dating. I wonder if this means I'm over him?? My ex has also been reaching out, texting me and calling me and letting me know where he is and what he's doing, pretty much what your ex is doing. He has kind of even noticed my indifference because he left me a voice mail saying, "now you're busy all the time." I'm not ignoring him, I don't want to play games is just that I'm really disappointed in this whole situation. Also, he hasn't offered/said anything concrete. These are all still breadcrumbs.

 

I'm still curious to know when the time to ask about the other girl comes. I'm really hurt and I think I'm getting out of the fog I was in and now I'm seeing things clearly. I don't know what I will do. I don't know what I want anymore. But I will be paying attention to your thread since we almost have the same problem.

 

I'm curious, did you tell your ex that you were fed up with all that? One thing I have been doing when I talk to my ex is to call him out when he tries to say something that sounds like an excuse. For instance, during our first hang out after that argument, I flat out told him I had been nervous to show up because after the way he'd spoken to me, I had started to think to myself, 'Maybe everybody is right, and you ARE an @$$hole after all.' That seemed to be a slap in the face for him, because all he could say was that he'd been trying to be fair through all this, and I told him he was doing a pretty bad job of it if that was the case. We had a few other conversations like this throughout the course of our hangout that day, and he even started to admit things that he had done wrong in our relationship, which I thought was positive. I think it was these sorts of things that had him coming away from the hang out with the realization that it was an important development for us. Even though he had been contacting me before that, he has gone OD with it lately. Just today, he has checked my Tumblr three times.

 

I know he hasn't said anything concrete like WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER AGAIN, but I know him well enough to know that he is not always the most direct person, even though I think he likes to think he is. So part of me is a bit willing to be more patient with him taking his time, because I know he's not the person who's going to just say stuff to say it. These may be breadcrumbs, but compared to what he was giving me before, it's like... a whole loaf of a crumb. He was never good at these emotional talks even when we WERE a couple, so the fact he's been trying to have more of them now I think is significant.

 

You might be over your ex, you might not be, but I don't think it's wrong to say you are over the nonsense and just lay it all out there. That is the approach I've been taking with mine and it seems to work. I'm glad there is someone in my boat I can reach out to about this, though.

[Mariposa10]

I'm curious, did you tell your ex that you were fed up with all that? One thing I have been doing when I talk to my ex is to call him out when he tries to say something that sounds like an excuse. For instance, during our first hang out after that argument, I flat out told him I had been nervous to show up because after the way he'd spoken to me, I had started to think to myself, 'Maybe everybody is right, and you ARE an @$$hole after all.' That seemed to be a slap in the face for him, because all he could say was that he'd been trying to be fair through all this, and I told him he was doing a pretty bad job of it if that was the case. We had a few other conversations like this throughout the course of our hangout that day, and he even started to admit things that he had done wrong in our relationship, which I thought was positive. I think it was these sorts of things that had him coming away from the hang out with the realization that it was an important development for us. Even though he had been contacting me before that, he has gone OD with it lately. Just today, he has checked my Tumblr three times.

 

I know he hasn't said anything concrete like WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER AGAIN, but I know him well enough to know that he is not always the most direct person, even though I think he likes to think he is. So part of me is a bit willing to be more patient with him taking his time, because I know he's not the person who's going to just say stuff to say it. These may be breadcrumbs, but compared to what he was giving me before, it's like... a whole loaf of a crumb. He was never good at these emotional talks even when we WERE a couple, so the fact he's been trying to have more of them now I think is significant.

 

You might be over your ex, you might not be, but I don't think it's wrong to say you are over the nonsense and just lay it all out there. That is the approach I've been taking with mine and it seems to work. I'm glad there is someone in my boat I can reach out to about this, though.

 

 

I'm trying to keep my mom shut and go LC. I've said too many stupid things, I was the one who brought up the brilliant plan of dating other people (something I never did) I even told him what kind of girl he should date one time when I was really mad and guess what? That's EXACTLY the girl he found. He even told me, didn't you say I should be with someone with that kind of lifestyle? I'm not gonna say anything. I will just react to his contact, but I will not initiate anything. Last time we saw each other, we made out, he wanted to have sex and I said no. One time he told me "I will never choose her over you." But I feel like he already did. My point is, this is too much blah, blah and no actions.

 

Last week he wanted to have dinner, I told him I was gonna be busy but we could plan something soon, he didn't say anything else. He's really busy now, I'm busy so I don't know what's gonna happen. Let's say we do get back together, he'll still have to keep in touch with the girl because of work. Do I really want that? I don't think so. I know I don't own him, but I don't think I want to put up with that. Some times I feel like I'm tightrope walking and I don't like it. That's why I'm not gonna say anything and let things flow because I don't know what I want anymore. I feel like we BOTH blew it.

 

Good luck to you!

[LinkWorshiper]

I'm trying to keep my mom shut and go LC. I've said too many stupid things, I was the one who brought up the brilliant plan of dating other people (something I never did) I even told him what kind of girl he should date one time when I was really mad and guess what? That's EXACTLY the girl he found. He even told me, didn't you say I should be with someone with that kind of lifestyle? I'm not gonna say anything. I will just react to his contact, but I will not initiate anything. Last time we saw each other, we made out, he wanted to have sex and I said no. One time he told me "I will never choose her over you." But I feel like he already did. My point is, this is too much blah, blah and no actions.

 

Last week he wanted to have dinner, I told him I was gonna be busy but we could plan something soon, he didn't say anything else. He's really busy now, I'm busy so I don't know what's gonna happen. Let's say we do get back together, he'll still have to keep in touch with the girl because of work. Do I really want that? I don't think so. I know I don't own him, but I don't think I want to put up with that. Some times I feel like I'm tightrope walking and I don't like it. That's why I'm not gonna say anything and let things flow because I don't know what I want anymore. I feel like we BOTH blew it.

 

Good luck to you!

 

Oh jeez, that IS complicated! And I thought I had it rough!!! I totally agree that letting it flow is probably the best bet for you right now. Especially since you now seem to be in a place where you're cool with whatever happens.

 

In my situation, I still want everything to work out, which is why I'm so hopeful at my exs change in attitude. I'm trying to not pressure him right now because I feel like he is in an evolving place and it wouldn't serve me to be too pushy. Especially since right now he is the one who is so determined to interact with me. He does all the initiating. Frankly, if I was the other girl in this situation and I knew how much he was talking to me, I wouldn't be okay with it unless I wasn't serious about the whole thing in the first place. Also I feel like my ex is also now purposefully crossing the friendship boundary. I've seen him interact with female friends; he may be a little jokey and flirty, but he's not physically affectionate like he's been with me lately. Nor does he enter these intense discussions about emotions. I know he's working on that in general, but he isn't so stupid to think that I wouldn't notice him being so familiar if he was trying to establish a new kind of relationship. At least, that's how I feel.

 

I'm about to leave town for an indefinite period of time to take care of some personal business so it will be interesting to see how he behaves when seeing me will require even more effort than before.

[BC1980]

Oh jeez, that IS complicated! And I thought I had it rough!!! I totally agree that letting it flow is probably the best bet for you right now. Especially since you now seem to be in a place where you're cool with whatever happens.

 

In my situation, I still want everything to work out, which is why I'm so hopeful at my exs change in attitude. I'm trying to not pressure him right now because I feel like he is in an evolving place and it wouldn't serve me to be too pushy. Especially since right now he is the one who is so determined to interact with me. He does all the initiating. Frankly, if I was the other girl in this situation and I knew how much he was talking to me, I wouldn't be okay with it unless I wasn't serious about the whole thing in the first place. Also I feel like my ex is also now purposefully crossing the friendship boundary. I've seen him interact with female friends; he may be a little jokey and flirty, but he's not physically affectionate like he's been with me lately. Nor does he enter these intense discussions about emotions. I know he's working on that in general, but he isn't so stupid to think that I wouldn't notice him being so familiar if he was trying to establish a new kind of relationship. At least, that's how I feel.

 

I'm about to leave town for an indefinite period of time to take care of some personal business so it will be interesting to see how he behaves when seeing me will require even more effort than before.

 

I recommended this on another thread where you posted. Google Mimi Tanner, and read her stuff. You'll have all the answers you need for this situation.

[LinkWorshiper]

Thanks again! Her advice DOES sound like what I need to look into, though it seems like I'll have to go to a bookstore to look at it.

 

Update: my man just spent his lunch break at work looking at my Tumblr, showing off the tattoo design I did for him, and FB messaging me. The frequency of all this feels like it did when we were together. I really do believe even more that he's in some sort of deciding phase. And I totally get why he's probably playing it a bit close to the vest, but the anticipation is KILLING me. Patience is far from my forte.

 

You guys will be proud though... I kind of gave him a hard time, even though the topics were casual. He was talking about a show he rewatched this morning, and I was like, 'Wow, that's so two years ago!' Then I felt bad because he was excited to tell me about it, which is my main issue with 'playing hard to get'. I feel BAD when I do things that might come off as mean towards people I care about. Even if they aren't really mean at all.

[Mariposa10]

I recommended this on another thread where you posted. Google Mimi Tanner, and read her stuff. You'll have all the answers you need for this situation.

 

Is there an article in particular that you can recommend? I'm curious...

Edited September 11, 2013 by Mariposa10

[Minneloa]

Whew! Sorry that was so long. Just my thoughts on that particular issue. Which is really the one thing that keeps me from being 100% confident he is trying to win me back.

 

LW, with all due respect, the presence of another woman in your ex's life should set off serious alarm bells in terms of of a possible reconciliation. It seems like you might be minimizing this aspect of the situation because you are excited and hopeful. I am concerned that you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment, especially given how devastated you were just recently when you and he argued.

 

M.

[LinkWorshiper]

LW, with all due respect, the presence of another woman in your ex's life should set off serious alarm bells in terms of of a possible reconciliation. It seems like you might be minimizing this aspect of the situation because you are excited and hopeful. I am concerned that you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment, especially given how devastated you were just recently when you and he argued.

 

M.

 

It did before. Maybe I am, I don't know, but it's worth a shot to me. I was devastated before because it felt like he was lying to me, and maybe he still is... but given the fact that he keeps going on about self improvement, I promise you that if that's what turns out to be the case, I will let him know he is not nearly who he thinks he's becoming and just drop it. Because it will have been a second time he wasn't being genuine. I am trying to take things at face value right now so I don't drive myself insane, and his actions towards me lately have been very positive.

 

For instance, he sent me a text while I was asleep last night that read 'Did I ever properly explain to you how sorry I am for how I was when we were together?' Which to me sounds like he might be trying to mend things, though I'm not sure to what end yet. He's been saying a lot of stuff like that to me lately. I just answered him saying, 'No, not really, and it only makes me sad you wouldn't want to try again now that you're improving. I just know that there is something special about you and you've changed my life for the better. I don't feel that way around anyone else, and that's just how I'll always feel.'

[Mariposa10]

It did before. Maybe I am, I don't know, but it's worth a shot to me. I was devastated before because it felt like he was lying to me, and maybe he still is... but given the fact that he keeps going on about self improvement, I promise you that if that's what turns out to be the case, I will let him know he is not nearly who he thinks he's becoming and just drop it. Because it will have been a second time he wasn't being genuine. I am trying to take things at face value right now so I don't drive myself insane, and his actions towards me lately have been very positive.

 

For instance, he sent me a text while I was asleep last night that read 'Did I ever properly explain to you how sorry I am for how I was when we were together?' Which to me sounds like he might be trying to mend things, though I'm not sure to what end yet. He's been saying a lot of stuff like that to me lately. I just answered him saying, 'No, not really, and it only makes me sad you wouldn't want to try again now that you're improving. I just know that there is something special about you and you've changed my life for the better. I don't feel that way around anyone else, and that's just how I'll always feel.'

 

Did he respond to your text?

[LinkWorshiper]

Did he respond to your text?

 

Not yet. By the time I responded, he was probably getting ready for work. Because iPhones are now creepy, I know he "read" the text, but knowing him, he probably either wanted to think about what to say or didn't want to start a conversation when he was just heading out the door. I worried my text might have been too blunt, but I was never one to be coy, honestly. Also, since he's on stalker status with my Tumblr, he can't be completely unaware of the fact that I want to work things out. At this point, I just don't know why he'd want to apologize like that without knowing the sort of conversation it would invite. Knowing what I know of him, I think if he wanted to avoid such talking, he would have avoided saying anything at all, or at least phrased it differently, especially via text... and at such a ridiculous hour of the night too. He has also mentioned to me that he doesn't like to have serious talks over texting or FB, so.... hmmmmm....

[Mariposa10]

Not yet. By the time I responded, he was probably getting ready for work. Because iPhones are now creepy, I know he "read" the text, but knowing him, he probably either wanted to think about what to say or didn't want to start a conversation when he was just heading out the door. I worried my text might have been too blunt, but I was never one to be coy, honestly. Also, since he's on stalker status with my Tumblr, he can't be completely unaware of the fact that I want to work things out. At this point, I just don't know why he'd want to apologize like that without knowing the sort of conversation it would invite. Knowing what I know of him, I think if he wanted to avoid such talking, he would have avoided saying anything at all, or at least phrased it differently, especially via text... and at such a ridiculous hour of the night too. He has also mentioned to me that he doesn't like to have serious talks over texting or FB, so.... hmmmmm....

 

Wow, I didn't know about that iPhone thing... I wouldn't over analyze it, maybe he just felt like saying that. I think it's fine even if he doesn't say anything back.

 

Keep us posted!!

[LinkWorshiper]

Wow, I didn't know about that iPhone thing... I wouldn't over analyze it, maybe he just felt like saying that. I think it's fine even if he doesn't say anything back.

 

Keep us posted!!

 

Thanks. I needed to hear that. I get worried easily when stuff like this happens, but I guess it's important he even said it at all, that it's a good step. I guess I just am trying to figure out what this all means.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your approach is doing nothing but giving you the maximum amount of heartbreak and drama and the minimum amount of positive results. But you've been banging your head against a wall for months now -- I don't see you all of a sudden stopping now.

[LinkWorshiper]

Your approach is doing nothing but giving you the maximum amount of heartbreak and drama and the minimum amount of positive results. But you've been banging your head against a wall for months now -- I don't see you all of a sudden stopping now.

 

I bang my head into the wall not in his presence. I don't know what else to do. People said to go NC, but then he works hard to try and repair things when I do. He knows I want to fix it. So now here we are in what seems to be a positive direction, and you still say there's nothing to be done. I don't feel like telling myself to stop caring when that's not really how I feel does me more of a disservice. Maybe that's my choice to allow myself to feel the way I do. But I'm trying to do better for myself and for the relationship with him. But I just don't want to drop the ball when I feel like things are finally starting to turn....

[Simon Phoenix]

I bang my head into the wall not in his presence. I don't know what else to do. People said to go NC, but then he works hard to try and repair things when I do. He knows I want to fix it. So now here we are in what seems to be a positive direction, and you still say there's nothing to be done. I don't feel like telling myself to stop caring when that's not really how I feel does me more of a disservice. Maybe that's my choice to allow myself to feel the way I do. But I'm trying to do better for myself and for the relationship with him. But I just don't want to drop the ball when I feel like things are finally starting to turn....

 

He's not repairing anything. He's keeping you around as a safety blanket/support. He reaches out because he knows that you aren't strong enough not to answer. He knows you are always there on his hook.

 

Nothing is changing. This is the definition of wash, rinse, repeat. You've felt things were "changing" at many different points only for them not to change. This is why staying in contact without any sort of real NC (meaning months) is destructive. You overanalyze everything and you read into things that aren't there. Though I'm just wasting my time telling you this because you aren't going to listen anyway.

 

And you don't have a relationship with him. That is gone. You've been broken up for a long time now. It's about time to start accepting that and embracing that.

[Zahara]

I think you are investing too much in so little.

 

First of all, there is no relationship. The only time you open the door to repair what was broken is when two people come to the table with open communication reciprocating the need and want to repair the relationship in hopes of moving forward. You don't reinvest when you have nothing much on the table.

 

What's happening here is you go NC, he loses his crutch, he comes back offering some little bits of hope, you go back to all this uncertainty hoping it will turn into something. And then you work hard at trying to make him come your way.

[LinkWorshiper]

He's not repairing anything. He's keeping you around as a safety blanket/support. He reaches out because he knows that you aren't strong enough not to answer. He knows you are always there on his hook.

 

Nothing is changing. This is the definition of wash, rinse, repeat. You've felt things were "changing" at many different points only for them not to change. This is why staying in contact without any sort of real NC (meaning months) is destructive. You overanalyze everything and you read into things that aren't there. Though I'm just wasting my time telling you this because you aren't going to listen anyway.

 

And you don't have a relationship with him. That is gone. You've been broken up for a long time now. It's about time to start accepting that and embracing that.

 

We were NC for a solid two months before we started talking again. And the way he's talking to me now is way different than before. He also was the one to reach out first. I don't understand why you seem to think he's doing nothing when all I've heard from him for the past two weeks was how he was sorry how badly he ****ed up and how much he's realized he's had to change and the work he's been doing to fix those things. I have literally done NOTHING in all this time to invite his attention except for answering him when he does. I don't initiate, I don't talk about the past, or feelings or anything unless he brings it up first. I don't understand how it's overanalyzing to think about if he might be changing his position because of the different way he's been interacting with me. And I can promise you, if he stops at this clip, he can stop enjoying my company, because I'm not chasing. Like I said, he's been doing ALL the legwork. And so what if he finds comfort in me? Isn't it good to find comfort in someone you might want to be with?

 

I can now at least safely say that the way he had been acting before is just as you said, wash, rinse, repeat, but not this. If it makes you feel better, actually going NC for those months seemed to help. And listen, just because I wasn't talking to him doesn't mean that I don't have a right to worry about it and hope for the best. The Debbie Downer attitude is one I'm trying to avoid in my general persona, thank you!

[LinkWorshiper]

Thing is, I thought he was making himself clear with these actions? They seemed very clear. Maybe you guys are right. I don't know.

[heartshaped]

I'm on the fence here, OP.

 

It sounds like he's dropping breadcrumbs to be honest. He isn't committing to being with you or giving things another go, but he's saying and doing all these things to basically lead you on. I.e. breadcrumbs.

 

Personally, I'm far too blunt and I've learned life is far too short to cut corners with someone.

 

I'd have an open, honest conversation with him in person about where he wants this to go. No need to be pushy, but at the same time you are both adults and remaining in contact with him when/if he has no intention of getting back together is only affecting you negatively.

[LinkWorshiper]

I'm on the fence here, OP.

 

It sounds like he's dropping breadcrumbs to be honest. He isn't committing to being with you or giving things another go, but he's saying and doing all these things to basically lead you on. I.e. breadcrumbs.

 

Personally, I'm far too blunt and I've learned life is far too short to cut corners with someone.

 

I'd have an open, honest conversation with him in person about where he wants this to go. No need to be pushy, but at the same time you are both adults and remaining in contact with him when/if he has no intention of getting back together is only affecting you negatively.

 

This might be the boat I should sail in for the time being, honestly. He just texted me some stuff that was so obviously mixed messages, I've decided to just let it breathe for a bit. He on one hand is saying you can't force a relationship, but then turns around and says he wants me to be happy and healthy and that we could then talk about where we were and where we were going. I was trying very hard not to be pushy before, and I thought it wasn't pushy to let him know that I'd hoped he would want to try again now that he was improving himself, and that's how he reacted. I'm tempted to talk to him right now, or at least text him about it, but I'm kind of still annoyed.