Kelly M Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) This guy will tell me all of his problems. I've only known him for a short period of time, but I do like him. We went out with friends but we never went out alone with each other. He asked me out like 4 times and I rejected his offers so he stopped asking me out. I was unsure of him, but now that I got to know him, I am willing to give him a chance. However, I am very confused if I even should give him a chance? He called me up crying and telling me his deepest problems he has been doing this for months. I helped him through it. He calls me up and chats with me for a long time. I had to pick him up the other day and we were laughing and having a good time then he says to me "Wanna get a hotel? we can have lots of fun, and have sex" I laughed and said "Haha Ian you are so ridiculous" He was still nice to me, and when he got out of the car he said "I love you" to me and he said "Call or text me" Well He called me up like a couple of days later and was crying that his ex is with another guy. I am so confused, and I thought they were broken up, and he said "Well we are but it still hurts" I tried to understand this but I still comforted him. He was more concerned though about his daughter. He kept self deprecating himself saying he is a loser and such. I kept on telling him that is not true, and so on. Well the next day he calls me and tells me this "I am going to have sex with every girl I see" I didn't know what to say. I was upset cause I was thinking is this whole friendship a lie? Like is he just trying to get in my pants this whole time? Now what's funny is that he mentioned that this girl Lindsay picked him up when he was upset and they went to a store or someting together, but it almost seemed like cause he mentioning all of these girls, that he was trying to make me jealous somehow? then he said "What are you doing tonight?" I said "Probably nothing" he said "Yeah I am not doing anything either well I'll talk to you later" He said behind my back to a couple of friends that I am a "good girl" and my friends said he would smile as he said that. I rejected him multiple times and clearly I don't put out. So I don't know if he was saying that and thinking I would have sex with him? I don't know his intentions towards me? I don't know if he really likes me and is just telling me he is going to have sex with every girl but excluding me? I feel like I can't hang out with him now cause I feel like he would want something in return and now I don't know if I want to have sex with him, cause I didn't like what he said. My one friend said "Maybe he was trying to have sex with you so he could figure out his emotions towards you. I think he likes you as a girlfriend, cause he wouldn't be so concerned who you are with all the time, and he wouldn't call or text you all the time if you keep rejecting him and his sex offers" Do you think she's right? I just don't understand and I am confused if he wants me for sex or something more. Edited September 10, 2013 by Kelly M Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 The red flag to me is how open he was about asking you for sex even though you're not dating him. Don't fall into that trap. If you're not exclusive then there's a likely chance he'll just pump-and-dump and you'll be much worse off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 This might be... He asked you out many times and you rejected so he thought maybe you would go for casual sex then thinking that's all you'll ever want. Why dont you tell him you're ready to date now and ask him if he's interested flat out do it instead of trying to decode. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amy10 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I don't think you should go out with him and don't have sex ether. It sounds like he has a lot to figure out and he may be planning just to use you to feel better about him self. If you still want to be his friend and comfort him when hes upset then do that. But personaly I think it is slightly weerd thgat he is calling you up crying when you arnt that close to him. This guy has a lot of issues, its clear he is still upset over his ex and he has expressed he wish to have sex with every girl he comes accross. Maybe stay friends and tell him that one day when he has sorted out where he is going with his life you might want to try dating. But for now run or stay friends it is best for you both I prommis. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Yeah, I have to agree with the above poster.... This guy is a train-wreck! I think he was asking you out only because he's trying to find somebody to make him forget his ex. When that didn't work, then he was outright asking you for sex. And when -that- didn't work either, he moved on to other girls. How many red flags do you need?!? If you want to stick around and be his friend, he could probably use one... but make sure you have a chat with him and draw a very firm line. Do not get involved with him! You can't "save" him. -A 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly M Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 I don't think you should go out with him and don't have sex ether. It sounds like he has a lot to figure out and he may be planning just to use you to feel better about him self. If you still want to be his friend and comfort him when hes upset then do that. But personaly I think it is slightly weerd thgat he is calling you up crying when you arnt that close to him. This guy has a lot of issues, its clear he is still upset over his ex and he has expressed he wish to have sex with every girl he comes accross. Maybe stay friends and tell him that one day when he has sorted out where he is going with his life you might want to try dating. But for now run or stay friends it is best for you both I prommis. Yeah, I am thinking that I do just want to be friends with him. And yeah I have only known him for 6 months, but we don't see each other on a regular basis. But you do a good answer to this, cause I don't want to get involved with him now, and I don't think ever cause he is unstable about his ex. He says one minute to me how much he hates her and can't stand her, but then he tells me how upset he is that she has a boyfriend, when she can do what the hell she wants, she's not with him! He doesn't seem to understand that, and he still seems to be stuck on his ex. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly M Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Yeah, I have to agree with the above poster.... This guy is a train-wreck! I think he was asking you out only because he's trying to find somebody to make him forget his ex. When that didn't work, then he was outright asking you for sex. And when -that- didn't work either, he moved on to other girls. How many red flags do you need?!? If you want to stick around and be his friend, he could probably use one... but make sure you have a chat with him and draw a very firm line. Do not get involved with him! You can't "save" him. -A I understand. I guess I just am blind to the "red flags" cause of my infatuation with him, but the harsh reality is setting in that he probably doesn't like me and just wanted me for sex. It was weird, cause he was always expressing to me how much he hates her and how he just wants his child not her. But yet he gets mad when she has a boyfriend? it's because he clearly can't move on, and I have been lied to this whole time, but you made valid points. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly M Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 This post proves, for all the guys out there, that all that "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" is all bulllllll****tt!!! I'm not saying there is love between these two, but she is obviously attracted to this guy who was crying to her about how he is a loser, and moping to her about his ex. Amazingly, she is still on the fence on whether to give her body up to him as well. I guess the psychology behind this is that OP has some underlying jealousy issues that this guy has thrown the idea out that he is going to bang other chicks, and he has been hanging with other girls. OP is probably thinking "what do these girls have that I don't?". I guess it's that bad boy image girls get wet over, and the OP is going to, attempt to, swoop in and repair his life. Well, you are right to some extent. I am jealous and angry. I feel like I am being used, like i'm not special, he can talk to other girls about this issue, and I start going into that over analytical thinking of "Maybe I am last resort" "Maybe he was doing this the whole time just to get int my pants" "Maybe he doesn't care about me" and so on. But I really don't want to repair his life now, before I did, but I am just thinking that I don't matter so I don't want anything to do with him. But in the same breath I don't know if he does view me as something special, but because of my rejections and my kinda aloof attitude, is why he pulled back and maybe sought out other girls, and such. But I like your answer! You seem to be spot on! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
OtakuGirl Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Run! Don't walk, RUN! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 He's very mixed up so no wonder you feel mixed up about him too. I think it would be taking a big risk to get involved with such an emotional and impulsive guy. Depends whether you like drama or not I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyIncognito Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 He might just be confused about your interactions with him. He asked you out many times, then tried grasping for straws. It is a bit weird to just blurt out a request for sex, but maybe he's just trying different ways to connect with you. If he just wanted you for sex, I don't think he would keep trying this hard for this long. I also don't think he would be baring his emotions to you if his interest was only sexual. What you should do is just tell him you'd like him to take you out on a nice date. If it goes well and things progress towards intimacy - great! If you have fun, but still aren't comfortable with things getting sexual, maybe kiss and tell him you'd like to go on another date. If he really likes you he will put in the effort. If he is pushy and demanding, then you'll know for certain and be done with it. Rather than asking random people who don't know you or him or the situation, just let him know your answer has changed and you'd like to be wooed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelly M Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 He might just be confused about your interactions with him. He asked you out many times, then tried grasping for straws. It is a bit weird to just blurt out a request for sex, but maybe he's just trying different ways to connect with you. If he just wanted you for sex, I don't think he would keep trying this hard for this long. I also don't think he would be baring his emotions to you if his interest was only sexual. What you should do is just tell him you'd like him to take you out on a nice date. If it goes well and things progress towards intimacy - great! If you have fun, but still aren't comfortable with things getting sexual, maybe kiss and tell him you'd like to go on another date. If he really likes you he will put in the effort. If he is pushy and demanding, then you'll know for certain and be done with it. Rather than asking random people who don't know you or him or the situation, just let him know your answer has changed and you'd like to be wooed. Thank you GuyIncognito! I appreciate your answer! I will probably tell him. I am just trying to figure out a non awkward way to do it, lol! But I think you have a really good point. Link to post Share on other sites
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