What happened? No closure.

[No_closure]

We have been married for 10 months. We are VERY young and this could all be the reasoning for the divorce. I just turned 23 a few weeks ago, and he is 21. We have known each other for 4 years. Best friends for 2, and relationship for 2. While we were friends he was always in love with me to the extreme.

 

We just started college on August 26th and he left me August 30th. During those few days, we were under A LOT of stress because financial aid wasn't in yet and our schedules were exhausting and crazy. We argued that whole week but we ALSO did laugh and have some fun. Two days before he left, he burned his arm third degree and was put on 4 different medications, including Vicodin.

 

So on Friday the 30th, he wanted to go hang out with his friends and I was wanting to go with him and he got SO ANGRY! And I started to cry, not hysterical, but just a hurt cry. And he freaked out and said he needed space and that he was going to go for a drive. Neither one of us has EVER needed space or left at any point in time. He promised he would be back. He didn't come back and I was left in the apartment with no food, no money, no phone, and no car since he took it.

 

He came back the next morning and he was still so angry and was saying "Why couldn't you just be a normal woman? We had all these plans this weekend. You ruined it." And we continued to talk for about 20 minutes when HE was the one who hugged me and kissed me and HE was the one who said "I love you." and then he said "Don't worry, I'm just going to the doctors for my arm then I will be back. You can call me and we can text, don't worry."

 

Two hours later he texts me saying "I don't think this is going to work."

 

I felt such heartache. My emotions were being toyed with. I had no family or friends anywhere in the area and had an Aunt drive 3 hours to come get me because I was hysterical in the apartment.

 

He will not speak with me or communicate with me. I have NOT been texting him or anything until today, which would be 1 week. All I said was "Let's take care of this divorce as civil as possible. We need to talk about it."

 

And nothing. He is also on my Pandora Radio account listening to DARK and HATEFUL music and I looked up the lyrics and they are awful....all about "Burn her down to the ground! F**k her up! Make her pay! You don't need her, she needs you! She brought you down!"

 

Just horrible. It made me feel bad but not really for me...it made me feel bad for him because he is so consumed by hatred and I have NO IDEA why.

 

Him and my brother got into a fight in text message and he was threatening my brother which is CRAZY my brother is a marine and my husband is a twig! And he told my brother "It's not my fault I fell out of love"

 

Fell out of love? Overnight? Ok, if that was the case then WHY say you love me and everything is ok. And he also wrote me a birthday card 10 days before this happened saying how he would marry me 1000 times again and I am the love of his dreams. His mom also hates me and could be yapping in his ear but who knows.

 

It just doesn't make sense. Cheating is a possibility because his strange behavior but why all the dark songs? Anything is a possibility, I just have no idea. At this point, I don't care because he is NOT the guy I married and knew. I just want us to have a civil agreement.

 

The pain is so extreme but I am past the crying stage and the anger stage. It hurts still, very much. Because I was the one who was left behind. I was the one who was broken into pieces while he gets to continue his life and be happy.

 

I will not be contacting him again because he obviously is too immature and a coward to face me. But do you think he will reach out eventually? I have never been in this situation. We are both each other's first loves. I don't see how you can throw the towel in without even trying. He didn't want counseling he just wanted out obviously. But he lied and said we would be ok.

 

Should I have tried harder to make him stay? I should have kept my mouth shut on the day he left... I don't know. I would give anything to save our marriage because I believe in it but I know it's over. I can't force him to love me but I just never, EVER, in a million years thought he could do this to me and especially the way he did it. Out of the blue.

Edited September 11, 2013 by No_closure

[2.50 a gallon]

Let him go.

 

I know you hate hearing this, but you are way too young.

 

Yes by age you are an adult, but you are not you yet.

 

Trust me a better more understanding loving man awaits you in the future.

 

I understand the hurting you are experiencing, however, now that his real character has been revealed, seriously, would you want him to be the father of your children?

 

Also consider what would your life be like, if this part of him did not surface until you had a couple of kids.

[Purepony]

He needs help. Let him go as he said he needs space. The pain will go away and uou will be a better person

[No_closure]

Let him go.

 

I know you hate hearing this, but you are way too young.

 

Yes by age you are an adult, but you are not you yet.

 

Trust me a better more understanding loving man awaits you in the future.

 

I understand the hurting you are experiencing, however, now that his real character has been revealed, seriously, would you want him to be the father of your children?

 

Also consider what would your life be like, if this part of him did not surface until you had a couple of kids.

 

 

Thank you for the reply. You are so right and that is what all my family keeps telling me. That his true nature has showed and thank god we didn't have kids. It's just hard to accept the fact that it was ME who was the one left and abandoned. In such a cruel way, and will always have me wondering what happened to his heart?

[NYWoman]

Sister

 

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

You don't really need close. Who knows what happened, and perhaps even he doesn't know, the stress of starting school, the finances, realizing he can't hang with his buddies and be single as he goes through college. What ever brought this change in him.

 

Stick with your education, in the years ahead you are going to need it.

 

Also, have a good time, get your playing done now, if you get my meaning.

 

In my college days, I had found my man. Didn't play around on him at all, until after I married him, then got tempted. Got caught, and lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Man-guy]

Sorry to hear this... Yeah, my situation is somewhat similar except that everything played out MUCH longer, dated longer, married longer, both got to grad school when things went south... You are SO lucky to have this happen on the right side of your twenties. I'm on the opposite end but we both got really lucky we didn't have kids, could you imagine how much harder and complicated that would make things? Your stbx seems just as immature as mine, let stress and insecurity just eat away at them and they suddenly turn to us like we're the source of their misery. TOTALLY untrue, but sometimes people just want a scapegoat for whatever is making them unhappy and spouses are very easy targets. Start taking care of yourself and doing what makes you happy. Avoid contact like the plague except for obvious needed contact with accounts, belongings etc. To avoid contact for that will seem petty, maybe even vengeful (at least to them ). Do stuff that makes you happy even if you're miserable while you're doing it, eventually you'll be surprised when you actually are enjoying yourself. Going to my first party alone was one of the biggest steps for me, but after, I knew I'd enjoy the rest. Reestablish contact when they make the first move, or you feel secure enough hearing something you don't want to hear from them. Good luck, you'll be ok if you can handle weather this rough patch.

Edited September 11, 2013 by Man-guy

[GuyInLimbo]

Let him go.

 

I know you hate hearing this, but you are way too young.

 

Yes by age you are an adult, but you are not you yet.

 

Trust me a better more understanding loving man awaits you in the future.

 

I understand the hurting you are experiencing, however, now that his real character has been revealed, seriously, would you want him to be the father of your children?

 

Also consider what would your life be like, if this part of him did not surface until you had a couple of kids.

 

Read this 100X and move on with your life. You are WAY too young to be married. Trust me.

[GuyInLimbo]

Thank you for the reply. You are so right and that is what all my family keeps telling me. That his true nature has showed and thank god we didn't have kids. It's just hard to accept the fact that it was ME who was the one left and abandoned. In such a cruel way, and will always have me wondering what happened to his heart?

 

What "happened" is that you guys are both immature. And I don't say that in an insulting way. Emotionally, neither of you are adults yet. You have a LOT of life to go through before you're there. Don't waste a minute of your time wondering about him or his feelings. 10 years from now, you will be grateful it ended when it did.

[No_closure]

Thank you all so, so much for the replies.

 

I agree we are way too young and shouldn't have gotten married and tried to play house. It still hurts so bad how he handled it though and how he is probably just fine with it. I will never, ever, understand how a person can be so inhumane (on how he handled it).

 

I am so scared for my future because I am about to move 12 hours away and try to start a new life. I haven't had a job in a few years and have been applying for a week now. and I can't start school until January.

 

It is just so crazy how life can change in a blink of an eye and all the things you thought were true, were lies. I am terrified.

[2.50 a gallon]

Consider it a lesson in life. Though, I am sorry you had to learn the hard way.

 

It is the uncertainty in life that makes it so exciting. How much fun would life be if it was easy as raising guppys?

 

As for your future, think of is as an adventure.

 

Also, think of how lucky you are by living in the United States. In all of the history of humans, it has only been in the past 50 years that women have been free to make all the choices in their lives.

 

I am retired, my sister, 3 years behind, had few choices in life: wife, secretary, teacher, nurse.

 

Think of all the women, in todays world that do not have the ability to make the same choices you take for granted.

 

At your age many adventures await you in your future. Including falling in love again.

 

One suggestion, do not leave LS, make friends here, and use it as a resource as you take your path to tomorrow.

[GuyInLimbo]

Thank you all so, so much for the replies.

 

I agree we are way too young and shouldn't have gotten married and tried to play house. It still hurts so bad how he handled it though and how he is probably just fine with it. I will never, ever, understand how a person can be so inhumane (on how he handled it).

 

I am so scared for my future because I am about to move 12 hours away and try to start a new life. I haven't had a job in a few years and have been applying for a week now. and I can't start school until January.

 

It is just so crazy how life can change in a blink of an eye and all the things you thought were true, were lies. I am terrified.

 

This will make you STRONGER!

[Misadventure]

You are only 23... SO MUCH to live and love yet...let him go like others have advised and start taking care of you.

 

10 months is really nothing compared to the grand scheme even though I know it seems like he has been your whole life....

 

LEARN to live without him..see him for what he is...and get the courage to start letting him go.

[No_closure]

Thank you all again for your support and great advice. I know I will be a stronger person and that life goes on. However, I just don't think I can fully trust someone again because literally my husband went from day to night in the blink of an eye.

 

If he, the person I spent 4 years with, could do this to me, then anyone can do this to me. It scares me so bad. He always told me he would be lost without me and god the night before this happened he couldn't fall asleep without me there.

 

I am driving myself insane trying to analyze him and his actions. It could be this, it could be that, or that, or this... But I guess it's better if I don't know because the pain would increase.

[2.50 a gallon]

N-c

 

One of life's bitter lessons, there are no guarantees in life.

 

Learn from this!

 

Read up on relationships, Mars / Venus, His Needs - Her Needs, etc. So that you will be better prepared the next time love comes knocking at your door.

 

Also, read up on love chemicals.