Dreamer100 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Has anyone got any good stories to tell about breaking up and reconciling, when you thought it couldn't get any worse? Please share! Link to post Share on other sites
CW_in_NOLA Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Has anyone got any good stories to tell about breaking up and reconciling, when you thought it couldn't get any worse? Please share! Well, this one is still in process, but. 6 weeks ago, after a failed reconciliation, my ex girlfriend put down the solid wall boundary - no contact at all from me was welcome. I'd done all the wrong things up to that point, of course. I was needy, still angry after the breakup, hadn't addressed anything of my own, etc. I respected her boundary, and tried to move on, but it was very very difficult. And then the weirdest thing happened...some time apart for me to clarify my feelings and start addressing my issues and for her to miss me, a chance mishap involving my brother drunk-dialing her a week before her birthday, an exchange of her (initially) angry emails where I was given a chance to offer my apologies, well-timed birthday wishes and a gift, and a failed immediate rebound on her part all conspired to get us talking again. We've been going slow (as it should be) for the past several weeks. From emails, to texts, to phone calls, to a dinner out last week. This weekend I'm driving up to Baton Rouge to spend some time with her and her two boys (who I grew quite close to during the 14 months we were together and absolutely adore). We've had some great talks and have shared perspectives on things that lead me to believe we have a real chance at something new. It's not a done deal and being patient has been hard for me, not to mention I'm plenty scared that being invested in this while she's still confused is just going to get me hurt again. But, as they say...Love Hath No Fear. No way I can protect myself from getting hurt, and being scared and shying away from intimacy is far far worse than potential heartbreak (and what caused us to disintegrate in the first place, really). Compared to just 6 weeks ago we're further along than I ever dreamed we'd be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LinkWorshiper Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Same as the poster above, my situation is a work in progress, and though it seems to bode well, I still get nervous about how it will work out. But there's no reason to think that love will find a way if it's meant to be. So I will keep hope that this is the right path for us. We've had a bumpy seven months. We broke up because both of us had a lot internal issues that needed to be addressed, and for him, it just reached a breaking point. Now, it's been about two or so weeks since we started talking regularly again, and it's been really good. We have been interacting almost like we did when we were a couple, and we've had a lot of pretty deep conversations about things we have done wrong and things we were trying to improve on. He says he's happy when he's around me and he likes spending time with me. In the middle of last night, he sent me a text asking if he had ever properly apologized for everything he screwed up on in our relationship. I told him not really, and it only made me sad he didn't want to t ry again now that he was improving. So hopefully it goes in a good place from there, though I still am nervous about it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 It sounds like you've both played things well. I'm really happy for you! I wish I had gone that way. I got back in touch with my ex after a month and we had some nice chat through texts and everything was levelled. Unfortunately, I kind of messed up by bringing up the relationship and where I stood a few days letter, so was a bad move :/ I'm just hoping hell get back to me soon, as I don't intend on texting him again.. Link to post Share on other sites
LinkWorshiper Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 It sounds like you've both played things well. I'm really happy for you! I wish I had gone that way. I got back in touch with my ex after a month and we had some nice chat through texts and everything was levelled. Unfortunately, I kind of messed up by bringing up the relationship and where I stood a few days letter, so was a bad move :/ I'm just hoping hell get back to me soon, as I don't intend on texting him again.. Honestly, I'm a little worried I did that in telling him how I felt about the status of our relationship when he asked if he had ever apologized for screwing it up in the first place. It almost sounded like he wanted to talk about it, at least when he sent the text. Maybe the issue isn't so much that I told him that I had hoped he'd want to try again, but that he's not in the place where he was when he texted me that. I just worry now that he's going to stop interacting with me the way he was because I laid it all out there for him. Though I like to think I wasn't needy about it, just very matter-of-fact. I think the key is just not to apply pressure. And trust me, that is a hard lesson to learn! (No amount of people telling me not to did a thing until I realized it for myself.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 I think you slotted it in at the correct time. Timing is everything. I wouldn't worry about that. When I first texted my ex after four weeks, he was the one that kept bringing the relationship up and I wish I had taken that chance to say something like that. My timing was horrendous Link to post Share on other sites
LinkWorshiper Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I think you slotted it in at the correct time. Timing is everything. I wouldn't worry about that. When I first texted my ex after four weeks, he was the one that kept bringing the relationship up and I wish I had taken that chance to say something like that. My timing was horrendous If it makes you feel better, when we first broke up, I made all the classic mistakes. And honestly, I almost kind of feel like it was better that I did, because it forced us to be apart and work on our own issues. I think things are only going to work out with us now because we're both individually in better places emotionally. Having said that, I still worry I didn't say it the right way or I didn't think about it enough before I hit send. I hope I'm only worrying about it so much because it's important to me and it's not a big deal at all. I try to be honest in all my dealings with people, though, so I guess I at least am sticking to my guns. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 If it makes you feel better, when we first broke up, I made all the classic mistakes. And honestly, I almost kind of feel like it was better that I did, because it forced us to be apart and work on our own issues. I think things are only going to work out with us now because we're both individually in better places emotionally. Having said that, I still worry I didn't say it the right way or I didn't think about it enough before I hit send. I hope I'm only worrying about it so much because it's important to me and it's not a big deal at all. I try to be honest in all my dealings with people, though, so I guess I at least am sticking to my guns. Don't worry too much... You're in for a looooooong ride if you really want to get back with him and willing to wait. It'll take time until he's ready. He'll probably stop talking to you again in the future or act coldly (might get confused again?) but it is up to you if you want to keep trying or give up. My ex was acting really sweet and all that, said he was still super attracted to me and that he loved me and missed me, but still no actions. So I guess it all depends on HOW long you're willing to wait. If you don't want to suffer too much while waiting don't over analyze things. Just try to take things slowly. Try not to talk about the relationship just yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LinkWorshiper Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Pretend like you are just meeting him for the first time and only talk about serious things if he brings them up first, at least for now. It's a long process and it's not a straight line ever. And I can promise you that there will be times where things happen and you'll come running to this BBS to be like WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and people will tell you a huge, broad range of advice. But remember that you are the one in the situation and you are the one who can decide how to proceed with it. If you think it's worth it, then be patient, don't put pressure, and if you have to freak out to someone, freak out here so that he never has to know you're not totally calm, cool and collected at all times (natch!). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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