No Respect

[Cotya]

I have a rant and I'll try and make this short as possible. My boyfriend of 9 years does not have any concept of my feelings. I will try and give a little history here. I had two female co-workers of mine who went to work for him. After some time we ended up at a party and one of the said female co workers was there with a (girl) friend and my boyfriend and this girl were flirting around. This upset me and I voiced my concern to him the next day. I also voiced my concern to the girl who I used to work with. Needless to say the next party we had this co-worker decided to invite this girl again and once again they were at it again. I again voiced my concern and how his actions hurt me. He proceeded to share with his co-workers about me confronting him about this looking for validation that I was delirious (he's the boss so yes he got the validation that he was looking for). Sometime after this my boyfriend took his employees out for dinner and I find out later that after the dinner that night him, 2 other guys and the 2 co worker girls ended up at the strip club, which he said he didn't mention to me because he didn't think it was a big deal. Again, I was upset that he had done this behind my back but I let this go as well. The next Christmas company christmas party we go to one of the girls who was my previous co-worker greeted my boyfriend with a big welcoming hug and kiss and wouldn't even acknowledge me which I found rather odd as I hadn't seen her in some time. At the party she was blushing when single guys were coming over to speak to her and she kept looking over at my boyfriend. You know that feeling when something doesn't feel right but there is actually no concrete proof? Fast forward, a male employee of his was getting married and sent out invitations to everyone in the office. My boyfriend (the boss) received one but my name was not included on the invite, and as a matter of fact there was no guest even listed for him to bring (to an out of province wedding).

This again hurt me. My boyfriend ignored my feelings about this and told me he didn't think the couple liked me because of me voicing my concern about his flirting years prior. wtf?? He flirts, he paints me as the bad guy to all his employees and they hold it against me?? Then one day, an employee of his was over for a drink and he made a comment "that's when (boyfriend) used to talk bad about you in the office". My boyfriend ignored the comment and walked out of the room. When I asked him about the comment later he said the guy was "kidding". Needless to say he didn't end up going to the wedding but continued to disregard my feelings about why an employee of his would invite just him to his wedding and not his girlfriend of 8 years (at that time), isn’t that an insult to him as well considering the guy has no respect for his boss to not include a guest on a wedding invitation? He told me it has nothing to do with him and that if it upset me that was my problem. Should my boyfriend not be standing by me in this matter? Needless to say, I have not one ioda of respect for this couple and told my boyfriend when we have parties they will not be invited. We do not hang out with this couple but my boyfriend works with this guy. Last weekend at the last minute I went to my girlfriends cottage for the night. It was a last minute invite on the thursday. Well apparently my boyfriend went to work on the friday and mentions that I'll be away the Sat night and the couple who got married decided it was party time and planned an evening out at a bar with him, another guy and one of the other co worker girls. I was pissed when I found this out as my boyfriend never wants to do anything with me, if I suggest to go to a bar he refuses, just wants to lay around, but when it comes to his employees he makes the effort. Am I wrong in thinking this is a blatant slap in my face? I can't seem to get away from these ignorant employees of his and he doesn't seem to respect me, just seems to be all about him.

These are just some of the situations that have happened over the years but they never seem to end. I mean if it was a mutual friend who you just see every once in a while that was ignorant, you would just break ties with them and move on and never have to see them again. This situation doesn't work this way, he works with these people everyday and just seems to me that they feed off each other and previous issues never seem to go away and keep flaring other past issues up. Any suggestions as to how to handle this situation?[FONT=Calibri] [/FONT]

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a rant and I'll try and make this short as possible. My boyfriend of 9 years does not have any concept of my feelings. I will try and give a little history here. I had two female co-workers of mine who went to work for him. After some time we ended up at a party and one of the said female co workers was there with a (girl) friend and my boyfriend and this girl were flirting around. This upset me and I voiced my concern to him the next day. I also voiced my concern to the girl who I used to work with. Needless to say the next party we had this co-worker decided to invite this girl again and once again they were at it again. I again voiced my concern and how his actions hurt me. He proceeded to share with his co-workers about me confronting him about this looking for validation that I was delirious (he's the boss so yes he got the validation that he was looking for). Sometime after this my boyfriend took his employees out for dinner and I find out later that after the dinner that night him, 2 other guys and the 2 co worker girls ended up at the strip club, which he said he didn't mention to me because he didn't think it was a big deal. Again, I was upset that he had done this behind my back but I let this go as well. The next Christmas company christmas party we go to one of the girls who was my previous co-worker greeted my boyfriend with a big welcoming hug and kiss and wouldn't even acknowledge me which I found rather odd as I hadn't seen her in some time. At the party she was blushing when single guys were coming over to speak to her and she kept looking over at my boyfriend. You know that feeling when something doesn't feel right but there is actually no concrete proof? Fast forward, a male employee of his was getting married and sent out invitations to everyone in the office. My boyfriend (the boss) received one but my name was not included on the invite, and as a matter of fact there was no guest even listed for him to bring (to an out of province wedding).

This again hurt me. My boyfriend ignored my feelings about this and told me he didn't think the couple liked me because of me voicing my concern about his flirting years prior. wtf?? He flirts, he paints me as the bad guy to all his employees and they hold it against me?? Then one day, an employee of his was over for a drink and he made a comment "that's when (boyfriend) used to talk bad about you in the office". My boyfriend ignored the comment and walked out of the room. When I asked him about the comment later he said the guy was "kidding". Needless to say he didn't end up going to the wedding but continued to disregard my feelings about why an employee of his would invite just him to his wedding and not his girlfriend of 8 years (at that time), isn’t that an insult to him as well considering the guy has no respect for his boss to not include a guest on a wedding invitation? He told me it has nothing to do with him and that if it upset me that was my problem. Should my boyfriend not be standing by me in this matter? Needless to say, I have not one ioda of respect for this couple and told my boyfriend when we have parties they will not be invited. We do not hang out with this couple but my boyfriend works with this guy. Last weekend at the last minute I went to my girlfriends cottage for the night. It was a last minute invite on the thursday. Well apparently my boyfriend went to work on the friday and mentions that I'll be away the Sat night and the couple who got married decided it was party time and planned an evening out at a bar with him, another guy and one of the other co worker girls. I was pissed when I found this out as my boyfriend never wants to do anything with me, if I suggest to go to a bar he refuses, just wants to lay around, but when it comes to his employees he makes the effort. Am I wrong in thinking this is a blatant slap in my face? I can't seem to get away from these ignorant employees of his and he doesn't seem to respect me, just seems to be all about him.

These are just some of the situations that have happened over the years but they never seem to end. I mean if it was a mutual friend who you just see every once in a while that was ignorant, you would just break ties with them and move on and never have to see them again. This situation doesn't work this way, he works with these people everyday and just seems to me that they feed off each other and previous issues never seem to go away and keep flaring other past issues up. Any suggestions as to how to handle this situation?[FONT=Calibri] [/FONT]

 

You're right, it doesn't work this way because YOU would have to be the person to cut ties with HIM. He's clearly not interested in cutting ties with anyone else and continues to do things that make you unhappy. As you pointed out, this happens over and over again. It's to the point where people who exclude you are his weekend plans when you go away. Or, there's a lot more to the story than he's telling you. They don't like you because you "voiced your concerns" about his flirting? That doesn't even begin to make sense, unless you did something over-the-top dramatic. Why on earth would they care? More importantly, if you've seen that this is an established pattern, why are you still with him?