Is this worth it anymore?

[Atemisk]

I tend to be a bit long winded so I apologize in advance for the mountain of text you're about to read.

 

Little over a year ago I met my now ex girlfriend on OKC. Fell in love head over heels for her very quickly. For a while things were great. Slowly but surely though, she got more and more controlling of me. I figured she was just a bit higher maintenance than what I was used to since she has a laundry list of anxieties and OCD. Right around 6 month mark though she started escalate. I was no longer allowed to talk to some of my friends and had to cut them out of my life for her (all female). Some of them were ex's so while I knew there was no left over feelings in that situation, I could understand why it would bother someone so I conceded but she made me get rid of platonic female friends as well. From there it just got more ridiculous, she would make me leave concerts/parties early, I rarely get to decide what we watch on netflix, she throws the hugest fit whenever I do things without her.

 

On top of all of that, she never could accept my sexual past. Granted I was a total skeez before I met her but she thought just because she never had sex with anyone everything else she did (like cheating on her boyfriends and blowing a guy at a party 5 minutes after talking to him for the first time after a break up) were nothing in comparison. She thought it wasn't fair I got to have all these experiences. She started emotionally cheating on me with this one guy who I thought was so far in the friend zone it was ridiculous so I didn't mind it. But to her, she was actually the perfect man since he was a puppy dog and almost as innocent as her so it felt even to her.

 

She kept on telling me how she was curious about what's out there and I eventually had enough so I broke up with her. We got back together a few days later but she found out that while we were broken up, I added the girls she made me delete off of fb. She flipped out, said she could never trust me again and that the things she'll do that night will make me never want her back again.

 

She calls me later that night in tears saying how sorry she is cheating on me, telling me she made out with that guy she had been emotionally cheating on me with (I told her she couldn't talk to him anymore after I found out he confessed his feelings to her and she said she started having a crush on him as well). I forgave her since she was mad and did something stupid. Few days later though she tells me that she feels bad because she doesn't feel guilty about what she did and she actually enjoyed it. She said as if asking me to help make her feel guilty but I just took it as her rubbing it in my face and told her to get the **** out and we broke up again for good

 

We talked some more and she admitted she really wanted to give it a shot with that other guy. I embarrassingly didn't take it very well and spent the next couple days insulting her via text. She eventually texts me saying how nothing is worth this and she can't believe she gave what we had up and she'll do anything to make it right. I ask if she's seen that guy since that night they made out and she said she was over at his place the previous night but nothing happened. We talk a bit, I tell her that if I even consider taking her back, she's going to have to get over her massive insecurities and stop acting like a 16 year old. She agrees, knowing that how she has been behaving is wrong and doesn't want to act like that ever again. She leaves but there's some hope. She calls me 20 minutes later crying saying that she lied, and that she slept with that guy last night, she didn't want to tell me because she knew I wouldn't take her back but she couldn't lie to me anymore. I told her I need a lot of time and space to figure out what the hell to make out of all of this.

 

On one hand, Once a cheater always a cheater. I feel disrespected and insulted and even ashamed I let her get away with as much as she did in the relationship. Also her sleeping with another man is infuriating. My girlfriend was an actual virgin when we started dating and I loved the fact that there wasn't anyone else who has had her but me(immature and probably kinda sexist, but it's the truth) and now it just feels kinda ruined.

 

On the other hand, i really do love her so much, I wanted her to be the mother of my children. She seems to genuinely want to change, not just for my sake but she wants to change for herself. She regrets everything, but according to her, she now knows what it's like and it's no where near what we had, she's just sad it took her doing something super ****ed up just to reach that realization.

 

Should I even consider taking her back? Is there a way to actually forgive this? Can people actually change like that? Part of me is scared she just wants to get back together so she'll stop feeling so guilty and then slowly revert back to the way she used to be. I'm at a loss.

[nescafe1982]

Relationships don't have have to read like soap operas. I don't know how old either of you are, but this sounds like a disaster that I would never go back to. In one year, you said all this happened? That's not very long in the grand scheme of things. I wouldn't go back to it.

[Atemisk]

She's 22 and I'm 24

[veggirl]

You both have a lot of maturing and growing up to do.

 

This is NOT how healthy relationships work. Please get the thought of children out of your head straight away. You still have the mentality of one (both of you).

 

You both need to learn conflict resolution and communication. I would not get back together with her, you need to grow and learn on your own (both of you). You bring each other down and feed off the drama each brings to you. Remember drama does not equal passion. You can have love and passion without cheating, temper tantrums, etc. Find that. It's so much better. Once you have a good, healthy relationship, you'll wonder why you ever longed for s.hit like this.

[Atemisk]

believe me I know that kids and stuff are a far way away. It's just in my happy little fantasy land, having them with her was a very pleasant thought, which is the first time I thought that about anyone. I guess I just need to know if in fact people can change if they are dedicated to self improvement and that the things she did are actually forgiveable

[BeholdtheMan]

Should I even consider taking her back?

OP, if you actually think it'd be a good idea to take her back, you have sh*t for brains.

 

I mean seriously...she's an immature control freak who wants to get even with you because of your past sexual experience? This ain't rocket science my boy. This b*tch is cray cray. You need to peace the fu** out and find a sane woman.