Need assistance With my Insecurity

[atthebay]

Need help !! Very insecure !?

I am very insecure about the girls i am/was with. I broke up with 3 girls because of this. I feel soo bad. many of my friends left me. Whenever i watch movies in which the lead character (male) is being cheated i rage with anger and it disturbs me very badly. on top of this my friends feed me with all cheating stories and i boil at them. I couldn't sleep at nights. All i can think is my Girlfriend flirting with other guys. I don't think there is any problem on their side. everything is with me. Few people think am a psycho. I even stalked a few girls when we were dating and always expect something bad to happen. I am now with this beautiful and funny girl for about 2 weeks. Yesterday she introduced me to her friends. I felt soo insecure again. Could not concentrate at all. I haven't slept well in like 3 months. Never had a solid relationship more for than 5 months. Everything feels very bad and emotionally am broken. I really like this girl. what should i do? All answers are welcome.

Please help me

[todreaminblue]

you cant date thinking something bad is going to happen...i know movies almost glorify cheating and make it seem normal...trust me it isnt normal and it is never right and it isnt funny...any betrayed person will tell you that...

 

 

for starters, from what i gather you destroy relationships before they cheat on you, so in other words they havent cheated yet.....you pre empt cheating and run amok........and you accuse, start to be controlling and or jealous, the relationship breaks down it ends.....

so now you are with another girl, she is sweet funny and beautiful she introduces you to her friends and you are insecure......girls who are cheatign with someone dont introduce you to them...cheats separate who they cheat with commonly........introducing you to friends is a positive not a negative.,........you have to trust her

 

 

i have had partners who have cheated......i dont blame the next guy i go out with because my exes were unfaithful dicks...i trust the guy i am with until i find out they cheat first hand

 

 

i go in to a relationship knowing i can be trusted.....so i go in with trust that they, too like me, seriously want the same things like faithfulness.....i dont go in insecure......i go in excited and happy...lol frisky..... to get to know a guy i have feelings for...i dont let others or myself ruin that...it takes me a while to date...so when i do ....i give it my best shot...being insecure is not my best shot......i am rarely nervous once i start dating someone i relax more as i get to know them and they get to know me.......i look forward to seeing them and spending quality time together.....you cant do that with insecurity......i have never been dating someone and had them not want to date me.....because dates with me are not hard or difficult..i dont make dates feel bad or uncomfortable....i dont mind quietness and i like meeting a dates friends and family.......and i have always had issues...i dotn take my issues out on others they are mine not theirs....and i guess guys see that once they know me......

 

you need to relax.......you need to trust...you need to have fun on your dates...or you will never be able to have a relationship that lasts for very long, you could have a chance here.......to be happy.

 

 

if i ever have a chance of happiness with a sweet funny guy.....i will appreciate that happiness and i wouldnt let go to feel insecure and miserable...i would hold onto that thought of happiness.....and trust ..

 

 

let yourself be happy and laugh, smile, have a blast with your sweet funny girl ...let what happens happen, you cant stop it anyway it isnt happening now, so enjoy what you have now......

[BeholdtheMan]

Everything feels very bad and emotionally am broken. I really like this girl. what should i do? All answers are welcome.

Please help me

Please use paragraphs and coherent sentences in your future posts. It'll make it easier on those who want to help you.

 

Why are you emotionally broken? Have you been cheated on before or do you just fear being cheated on?

[skydiveaddict]

Need help !! Very insecure !?

 

You get over insecurity by doing what you are afraid of.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, I believe that this level of insecurity and rage (as you've described it) could require professional help. It isn't healthy or normal. It's destructive to you and every relationship you'll have.

 

I dated a man like you. He was nearly always convinced I was cheating (I wasn't) based on almost no evidence. He'd fret inside and it disrupted his life and of course my life, too. Notice I used the verb "date" in the past tense. It's simply too distressing and I couldn't deal with the insecurity. I strongly believe my ex needs to speak to a counsellor about this issue, and that he likely suffers from a condition known as morbid jealousy. You might benefit from looking into it and contacting someone who can help you.

[giblesp]

First off, you're recognizing that there is a problem with you and not your relationship. You are not pointing the finger at your girl, and have the knowledge that its your problem.

You're also recognizing the root cause of the issue, your own insecurity. The answer is to address your own insecurity, and separate it from your girlfriend.

 

Health and fitness exercises can really help. Martial Arts has helped me on all levels.

 

Whats the main thing you want to do with your life? Perhaps you've been holding back on what you really want to do. You might notice a direct correspondence with your attitude to your main purpose in life, and the way you view relationships. I speak from experience here, as someone who has solved and is still solving many insecurities.

[atthebay]

First of all thank you for the concern guys.

 

This has been killing me for an year now and i wanted it out. No one knows about this problem of mine except for my best buddy.

 

I cannot take a professional help. Its just I am kind of a Pre-med myself. It will really blow my career.

I have never been cheated on before. But my best friend has been. In fact i was the one who found that out.

 

I never bring out this side of mine to the girls I've been with. When they are with me it all feels on top of the world. It is just after, we cannot be together 24*7 right ?

 

 

i work and study long hours when i try to relax my mind runs these thoughts.

And its killing me.

What i fear the most is i don't know how long i can conceal this identity and be good outside.

 

Every time i see my best friend lonely and sad i feel like ripping the gut out of his ex and the other guy.

This attitude of mine has started reflecting in all day to day activities.

[pteromom]

I cannot take a professional help. Its just I am kind of a Pre-med myself. It will really blow my career.

 

How about reading then? Amazon has tons of books on jealousy and insecurity and building confidence. Your local library has them for free.

 

You can solve this for yourself if you want to.

 

Do you understand from a logical level that healthy relationships exist, that not all girls cheat, and that you have ZERO control over whether someone will or won't cheat?

 

 

i work and study long hours when i try to relax my mind runs these thoughts.

And its killing me.

 

What you focus on is what you create. The more you allow yourself to think about cheating and betrayal and being hurt, the more you are creating yourself as this person who is afraid of being vulnerable and who lives his life in fear.

 

When your mind goes there, STOP. Whatever crazy thought you are having, contradict it with logic. If you think of a movie where the lead character was cheated on, STOP, and force yourself to think of a movie with a happy ending. If you think this girl is out looking for other men when she's away from you, STOP, and force yourself to imagine her sitting at a table thinking about you. You have more control over this than you realize.

 

As you start changing your thoughts, your feelings will follow.

 

Every time i see my best friend lonely and sad i feel like ripping the gut out of his ex and the other guy.

 

Really? He is LUCKY to be rid of her. Because he isn't stuck with a cheating girlfriend, he is free to move on and find someone who is faithful and honest. He may be temporarily sad, but in the long run, he is much much better off.

[ExpatInItaly]

First of all thank you for the concern guys.

 

This has been killing me for an year now and i wanted it out. No one knows about this problem of mine except for my best buddy.

 

I cannot take a professional help. Its just I am kind of a Pre-med myself. It will really blow my career.

I have never been cheated on before. But my best friend has been. In fact i was the one who found that out.

 

I never bring out this side of mine to the girls I've been with. When they are with me it all feels on top of the world. It is just after, we cannot be together 24*7 right ?

 

 

i work and study long hours when i try to relax my mind runs these thoughts.

And its killing me.

What i fear the most is i don't know how long i can conceal this identity and be good outside.

 

Every time i see my best friend lonely and sad i feel like ripping the gut out of his ex and the other guy.

This attitude of mine has started reflecting in all day to day activities.

 

How do you feel when you're not together? I ask because my ex was never really able to articulate how he felt when I wasn't around. I'm sure he suffered the same thoughts that you do. Is it a simmering anxiety, or anger, or..? I'd appreciate your insight because it would help me understand where my ex was coming from, too.

[The Way I Am]

You've got some good suggestions so far. Other than therapy and self-help books, the only advice I have is related to this:

 

Whenever i watch movies in which the lead character (male) is being cheated i rage with anger and it disturbs me very badly.

 

My boyfriend does this, too. When we're watching a movie where a girl has some ****ty behavior, he starts to rage about why girls act that way. To which I out point out that the person is acting that way, because it's a movie and then proceed to point out the sh*tty ways that the men in the movie were also acting -- which he didn't get upset about at all and which he would probably consider me crazy for raging about.

 

For example, in the Will Ferrell movie, the Campaign (spoilers), Will Ferrell's character regularly cheats on his wife with multiple women. My boyfriend only raged when Zach Galifianakis' character's wife slept with Will Ferrel. When I pointed out he wasn't upset by Will Ferrell sleeping with all the other women, his answer was "those were single women" -- which completely missed the point that *Will Ferrell's character was married* and cheating on his spouse much more frequently than the female character he was raging about. He just completely ignored the sh*tty behavior of the male characters and got upset about the females. Maybe you're doing the same.

 

Since I've pointed these things out, he tends to rage less -- out loud at least. Hopefully he's just keeping quiet but still raging about it inside.

 

Next time you're watching a movie and start to rage

a) remind yourself that woman is behaving that way because a writer chose for her to behave that way for dramatic reasons and often that writer is a male.

b) take a look at the male characters' behaviors, see if they're behaving poorly as well, and if so, as ask yourself why you're not raging about them

[atthebay]

Thanks a lot everyone !

Things were really worse past couple of days. But reading all your replies has given me a lot of hope.

 

Next time you're watching a movie and start to rage

a) remind yourself that woman is behaving that way because a writer chose for her to behave that way for dramatic reasons and often that writer is a male.

b) take a look at the male characters' behaviors, see if they're behaving poorly as well, and if so, as ask yourself why you're not raging about them

 

This one am doing it. Sounds very logical.

 

How do you feel when you're not together? I ask because my ex was never really able to articulate how he felt when I wasn't around. I'm sure he suffered the same thoughts that you do. Is it a simmering anxiety, or anger, or..? I'd appreciate your insight because it would help me understand where my ex was coming from, too.

 

Very anxious, not angry just this thought in mind all the time. Had a feeling like something bad is definitely happening. Like am being used. But when i see her none of them comes to my mind. Infact I met her today had a really great time. Now after reading this am feeling little comfortable.

 

What you focus on is what you create. The more you allow yourself to think about cheating and betrayal and being hurt, the more you are creating yourself as this person who is afraid of being vulnerable and who lives his life in fear.

 

This is soo true. I am working on this. I really appreciate your help.

[The Way I Am]

Hopefully he's just keeping quiet but still raging about it inside.

 

Just reread this and realized I left out the word *not* there. Oops.

 

Hope you can work through this, atthebay.