Is there a cure for breaking someone's heart?

[BreeannS]

Is 'recovery' linked with reconciling the marriage in this question? Curious.

Long term relationship moving forward.

 

IMO, it would take far longer to heal a marriage of infidelity that personally recover...on average. I, for one believe that once stripped of its innocence a marriage is forever changed. The same can be said of those living through it.

 

I'm not sure if measuring recovery time is a healthy approach anymore. To me, the 'completion of the transformation' is closer to reality. Reconciled or not acceptance, understanding freewill and independence are critical elements for restoring passions or just feeling better. In other words, much of the 'pain' of healing comes from the changes one goes through. Some change for the worse, some for the better but every person touched by infidelity will be changed forever. Does martial status really matter?

Thank you, will make a note to that.

[BreeannS]

It will take until the day you die.

Wow that really sucks.

[BreeannS]

Two topics on a similar subject were merged into the most appropriate forum. As the thread starter is a new member and hasn't self-identified as part of a group which would place such threads in the infidelity areas, the threads are consolidated into CFJ. If they wish to start a thread on their personal story relevant to a particular forum, feel free to do so. Thanks.

Yes, I'm new and found out about this forum base on a female friend's suggestion. We were both just navigating throughout the Internet and stumbled upon this site.

 

It is correct that I haven't really identified as part of the group but will one day tell the story.

[William]

General questions and comments about cheating, infidelity and related topics can be posted in this forum, Cheating, Flirting and Jealousy or in our General Relationship Forum. Threads are subject to consolidation if posted on a similar topic. Thanks.

[BreeannS]

Harder than the road the BS now has to travel? Probably not. Reconciliation is much more difficult when the WS doesn't grasp the damage their betrayal has done to the BS.

I get it but it can also be the WS knowing how much their betrayal cause the BS and is willing to do anything to have them back and is beyond ashamed of what they did. In that moment the one that cheater really would wish there was a magic wand and reverse back time but unfortunately that doesn't exist.

[Editbee]

BreeannS did you cheat in your relationship because it sounds like you were looking for answers on how to win back a BS?

 

There is really no excuse to cheat ever but if he/she takes you back, you realize it's going to hard work?

[BreeannS]

BreeannS did you cheat in your relationship because it sounds like you were looking for answers on how to win back a BS?

Your pretty much nail it but I'm not ready to tell it yet. Damn you're smart.

There is really no excuse to cheat ever but if he/she takes you back, you realize it's going to hard work?

Yes, I do but I wouldn't mind at all. Don't mind how long it takes. I'll go single and date no one if that's what it takes. Edited September 12, 2013 by BreeannS

[BreeannS]

B leaves A

But I've heard of some people that were able to work it out. Not everyone leaves.

[Trimmer]

Your pretty much nail it but I'm not ready to tell it yet. Damn you're smart.

Not to diminish Editbee's intelligence, but it has been pretty obvious from the construction of some of your statements:

 

In that moment the one that cheater really would wish there was a magic wand and reverse back time...

 

Yeah that would obviously be a stupid question to ask once you have the BS back in your life and they are willing to give you another chance.

 

What's harder is actually forgiving yourself for doing the cheating, seeing them hurt and you can't make them feel better at that moment.

 

You speak of the cheater as "you" and speak primarily of how the cheater feels and what she wishes for, and you refer to the betrayed partner as "them".

 

Let us know if and when you're ready to tell your story...

[IAmRobot]

There's no working out on cheating. (unless the cheated on is super desperate).

 

Why? Because either

- a) The cheater A didn't care about B's feelings, which means there is no feelings.

- b) The cheater A was extremely stupid (which sounds like your case) and that's extremely unattractive.

 

When people cheat it gives the cheated person a really clear picture about what to do and that is, leave and never look back.

[Trimmer]

When people cheat it gives the cheated person a really clear picture about what to do and that is, leave and never look back.

Often, what seems objectively obvious in retrospect is not such a clear picture while one is in the middle of the storm.

[BreeannS]

You speak of the cheater as "you" and speak primarily of how the cheater feels and what she wishes for, and you refer to the betrayed partner as "them".

Yes, I admit writing it in 3rd person as it's too painful knowing what I put him through. I just never thought I would find myself in this position and used to always think I wouldn't be a cheater but now I am. I suck alright. I really suck.

Let us know if and when you're ready to tell your story...

I screwed my long term relationship and can't do anything to get it back. I have in mind doing single for a while and would like to think there is still some hope. If he finds someone else I guess that's it. Nothing I can do by then.

 

Why? I know, many would be asking for this and it starts out that we had a couple arguments at times (not major ones but stupid ones) and I've always been known to at times blow things out of proportion and it takes me about an hour to talk again. At some point I started talking to some guy at the gym my friend Kellie introduced me too; she started me getting me ideas about how it's not bad meeting others and how one must live to the fullest at times (basically, she drained me in her world). His name is Dustin and it things started escalating in a rather short time.

 

Then well I cheated but felt terrible afterward. Lost the one I love and well I've been regretting it since. That's the reason I've been searching for answers, which the only answer I got is ''You did it yourself'' and ''Nothing you can do, only time will tell''.

[BreeannS]

There's no working out on cheating. (unless the cheated on is super desperate).

 

Why? Because either

- a) The cheater A didn't care about B's feelings, which means there is no feelings.

- b) The cheater A was extremely stupid (which sounds like your case) and that's extremely unattractive.

 

When people cheat it gives the cheated person a really clear picture about what to do and that is, leave and never look back.

Yes, I was very stupid and now I'm paying for it. I lost him.

[Trimmer]

But I've heard of some people that were able to work it out. Not everyone leaves.

Yes, but simply "not leaving" is a pretty low goal to aspire to, isn't it? Because as others have pointed out:

 

...do you truly think the hearbreak ever completely goes away for B? You think B can completely erase the memory of what A did to him/her?

 

So I say again: the idea of "working it out" or "recovering" is not a bright line that you cross at some moment, and you're all done and fixed. If both partners choose to, you might move forward, in a different direction, or even as if starting over, but you never "recover" exactly what you had; you may heal the actual wound, but you never remove the scar.

 

I found this to be eloquent, if only because it describes my own personal experience quite well:

I, for one believe that once stripped of its innocence a marriage is forever changed. The same can be said of those living through it.

 

Some change for the worse, some for the better but every person touched by infidelity will be changed forever. Does martial status really matter?

[Coolit]

When people cheat it gives the cheated person a really clear picture about what to do and that is, leave and never look back.

 

As a person who spent four months of my life being a terrible person but the rest of it being a good person I am really glad that my H doesn't feel this way at all. There is such thing as love, forgiveness, second chances and reconciliation.

[BreeannS]

There is such thing as love, forgiveness, second chances and reconciliation.

I would do anything to have that.

 

I guess I just have to wait for now and do nothing.

[BreeannS]

If both partners choose to, you might move forward, in a different direction, or even as if starting over, but you never "recover" exactly what you had; you may heal the actual wound, but you never remove the scar.

I understand. I wonder if with time, he'll one day come around. I'm not ready to give up yet, not without a struggle or until he finds someone else. Then all hope is lost for me.

[drifter777]

I get it but it can also be the WS knowing how much their betrayal cause the BS and is willing to do anything to have them back and is beyond ashamed of what they did. In that moment the one that cheater really would wish there was a magic wand and reverse back time but unfortunately that doesn't exist.

 

You can't say "I get it BUT [insert poor me excuse here]" and then claim to "get it". You seem young and it seems like you are sincerely sorry that you ruined your relationship, but it's time to learn from your mistake and move on. If he wants to give you another chance he'll contact you. Until then just leave him alone - you've done enough damage to him.

[BreeannS]

You can't say "I get it BUT [insert poor me excuse here]" and then claim to "get it".

I wasn't trying to excuse myself for it. I know there is none. I was stating how I'm feeling, knowing I hurt him terrible and I'll have to live with that, knowing that someone is hurt because of you.

You seem young and it seems like you are sincerely sorry that you ruined your relationship, but it's time to learn from your mistake and move on. If he wants to give you another chance he'll contact you. Until then just leave him alone - you've done enough damage to him.

It was the biggest mistake ever in my life but I haven't insisted on being taken back. It's really all up to him. I know I can't do nothing at this point. But can't help it but think there might still be some hope later on, if possible.

 

Yes, I've done the damage. I'm such a loser.

[Miracle90]

Hi this is Miracle and I'm also new to this forum. It was me who suggested BreeannS to seek online forums dealing with cheating (I'm her best friend). That's not her real name due to privacy reason and well because she's too embarrassed to share the whole, completed version.

 

She made a mistake and is sadly paying for it. As of right she has authorized me to write for her.

 

She wishes to get her man back and as of now has been seeking a counselor. I believe she's serious in her remorse. It's so depressing seeing her like that and that guy was really handsome and a sweetheart as I've been presented to him many times. I would say the perfect one ever and many times I told her how lucky she was. I was a bit upset she threw that away when she cheated but she's been remorseful since.

 

My friend if you're there, together we're going to work on this. But I have to say it won't be easy. You really screwed that one big time. I'll try to see what I can do. I can't guarantee you anything. I'm trying to help you and fix what you did.

Edited September 14, 2013 by Miracle90

[IAmRobot]

Yes, I was very stupid and now I'm paying for it. I lost him.

 

Yeah, well stupidity is not attractive. Grow smarter for your next partner...

 

Aside from that did you cheat as in slept with someone else? If that's the case then look at yourself and why you did it and how you can prevent it from happening again and go tell your bf.

 

(I.e. something like:

My first mistake was to get flirty with the other guy. That made me get too comfy with him and let him think he had a shot at me.

Second mistake was to let him make things physical. T

Third mistake was to let him kiss me.

Fourth mistake was to go home with him.

Final mistake was to sleep with him

)

 

You see how there's many layers. People dont go from nothing to -****ing someone-... But if you analyze it down to your bf, then there might be a better chance that it builds that tiny bit of trust that you wont **** up again, cuz next time you wont even let yourself get flirty.

 

People want resolution. No "Im sorry BS". Who cares if your sorry. How are you planning to fix it??

[road]

Hi this is Miracle and I'm also new to this forum. It was me who suggested BreeannS to seek online forums dealing with cheating (I'm her best friend). That's not her real name due to privacy reason and well because she's too embarrassed to share the whole, completed version.

 

She made a mistake and is sadly paying for it. As of right she has authorized me to write for her.

 

She wishes to get her man back and as of now has been seeking a counselor. I believe she's serious in her remorse. It's so depressing seeing her like that and that guy was really handsome and a sweetheart as I've been presented to him many times. I would say the perfect one ever and many times I told her how lucky she was. I was a bit upset she threw that away when she cheated but she's been remorseful since.

 

My friend if you're there, together we're going to work on this. But I have to say it won't be easy. You really screwed that one big time. I'll try to see what I can do. I can't guarantee you anything. I'm trying to help you and fix what you did.

 

 

Miracle, first things first.

Is your friend the cheater, married to, or dating the cheatee?

[Trimmer]

Miracle, first things first.

Is your friend the cheater, married to, or dating the cheatee?

It seems pretty clear that Breann, the OP, cheated on "him", the handsome sweetheart to whom her friend Miracle is referring in her post.

[Dusk1983]

It's so depressing seeing her like that and that guy was really handsome and a sweetheart as I've been presented to him many times. [/i]

 

In which case he'll have absolutely no problems finding a beautiful new girlfriend, one that doesn't **** other guys at the gym.

[BreeannS]

Miracle, first things first.

Is your friend the cheater, married to, or dating the cheatee?

Yes, I cheated on my bf of 4 years.