aj2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hello Everyone, I would like your advice on a very important matter..I have a female friend she is a very nice, decent, sweet, pleasant and bubbly person from a good family. About 18 months ago she went out with a guy and she fell in love with him and was very interested in marrying him. However after going out with her for about 6 months he left her by saying I have realised I am homosexual. This obviously really hurt her a lot and shattered her confidence for a while and it really broke her heart and made her cry numerous times. She lost faith in all guys for quite a while. Then after 6 months or so he phoned her and said he is sorry for what he did but it was not his fault because a ghostly “spirit” came inside him and made him turn gay for a while and the “spirit” has gone now and he is back to normal and he is heterosexual after all. When I heard this I told her this is the stupidest thing I have heard in my life, he is lying about the “spirit” converting him in to gay no “spirit” although I think they may exist would ever change someone’s sexuality, he is using that as an excuse for the fact he was confused about his sexuality. Even though he thinks he is straight now this begs the question will he stay straight? Surely someone is one or the other or both. I can’t think of anyone that is one for a certain period of times and then goes back to being another. At first she never believed him and didn’t want to get back with him however about 2 weeks ago he apologised to her and said he has made the biggest mistake of his life by leaving her and he loves her and he is very interested in marrying her. She told me she loves him too and never fully got over him. I know love is blind but is someone like that worth loving or hating. Should she go back with such a person? I know love is one of the most strongest emotions in the world and we can forgive the people we love for a lot of mistakes but the only mistakes I think are unforgivable and we have to be foolish to forgive someone for are cheating on your partner, hitting your partner, or leaving them for someone of the same sex, I don’t ever want to see her get hurt she is too special I think she deserves better. She has already been heart broken twice once from this guy and once from another guy she was too good for, if she gets hurts again I don’t know if she will ever fully get over it. All advice is welcome. Thank you for your time. AJ Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Even if you tell her she shouldn't enter into a relationship with this person again, is she actually going to listen? My point is, will it make a difference for you to struggle over this issue when for all intents and purposes you have no control over it? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 All you can do is tell her you think it's not a good idea & leave her to come to her own decision on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Ahem, interesting title and interesting story. I think he´s taking the piss out of her, sorry. It´s too funny Maybe all the cheaters here should try this excuse. Excuse me hun, this women has bewitched me. Sorry sweetie, an evil spirit made me want to have this woman. I´m sorry, this is really too funny. I have to remember this line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aj2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 I am fully aware that sometimes we have to let people make their own choices and mistakes but when you care for someone a lot and are actually older and more worldly wise than them you owe it to them as someone that cares for them to try explaining things at least once, if then they still don't listen we obviously have to respect their wishes. I know when someone loves someone what anyone else normally says makes no difference whatsoever but that doesn't mean that someone that cares should not try at least once. kooky mate this is quite a sensitive topic I think its not fair to make a joke out of it however I understand the point you made and thanks for your feedback. thank you everyone for your feedback so far I will wait for some more... Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Sorry But it does look like he´s taking the piss out of her. Ok, in serious, I suspect he wanted to break up with her, didn´t know how and came up with this lame excuse. Now he comes back and says it´s some "spirit"? Either he´s got problems with his sexuality and needs something to put the blame on for his inner desires. Unless you have seen him together with a man, showing some signs of affection between them, I do doubt that he is gay or ever in his life was. You yourself said your friend is very nice, if he´s a weak guy, he might not have wanted to hurt her feelings. If you blame it on your hidden sexuality, it could be less hurtful as it´s in the genes, it´s not his fault and it´s *not* her fault. I´m not sure if she should dump him or not, but to me he looks weak, not necessarily mean, but definitely not the guy with the most guts. I do not believe the story with the spirit. If I was you, I´d grab this guy and talk with him, he clearly needs to understand that his behavior is impossible. Your friend doesn´t look like she will have this talk with him nor do I believe she will be very efficient in getting anything out of him than evasive answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aj2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 She also told me about this other guy that loves her and is interested in marrying her. She told me they have been getting to know each other as friends and things were going well between them until her ex reappeared. She told me this other guy is tall, handsome, sweet and decent guy. She said he has everything she looks for in a guy. He is also financially secure. She said he said he loves her more than anyone has and anyone can. She told me he said the most important thing in the world to him is her happiness. He has always treated her with respect and known her worth from day one. He has been the perfect gentleman with her and said he loves her so much he could do anything for her even die for her. She told me he said if it were up to him he would marry her today. Also he has always been there for her, he wiped away her tears when others made her cry, he mended her heart when others broke it, he helped her restore faith in guys when she had lost faith in all guys. Who should she give a chance to someone that didn’t realise her worth and had their chance and made her feel worthless and messed it up so bad that it left her crying and heartbroken for many months later? Or someone whose chance was taken away even before it was ever given? Someone that shown her how love should be, always made her happy and been there for her, someone that always has always would make her feel like the most important and precious person in the world. I don’t ever want to see her get hurt she is too special I think she deserves someone really special. She has already been heart broken twice once from this guy and once from another guy she was too good for, if she gets hurts again I don’t know if she will ever fully get over it. Also this guy may have used the "spirit" excuse because he was too embarrassed to admit he wanted to explore his sexuality and went and did for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 It sounds to me like you're in love with this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate It sounds to me like you're in love with this girl. Well, just because people care for their friends doesn´t mean they are in love with them. If someone would hurt my friend I´d show them how mean I can be, ha. My friends are sometimes too nice, but I´m not. Link to post Share on other sites
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