hellohellonice Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 i met a guy online last year. he's good looking, smart, hard working. since we met online, i didn't take it as a serious potential dating prospect. we had sex right away and it was amazing. then very soon, he told me that he's married. i was shocked. then i just saw him occasionally for the past 10 months. like once a month or even less. i had no dating expectation of him. i had no intention to ask him to get a divorce or anything. he claimed that his marriage is falling apart since his wife moved away and they haven't lived in a place for over a year. last month, he told me that he is filing for divorce and wanted to date me seriously once it got finalized. he also said that his wife is well-off, they have no kids, so the whole thing will take less than half a year to finalize. now i got all my hope up. i suddenly started to fall for him. i text him but he doesn't reply. every time we meet, it's just sex, and we talk a little bit, and then he leaves. i just feel very emotionally involved with him right now. he still keep promising that he would date me seriously and we would move in together very fast since he works so long hours and it's more convenient for us to get closer that way. i really want him now... so what should i do now? stop texting, and wait for him to get back to me? or keep nagging him? i seriously want a dating situation with him after he finalizes everything. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 i met a guy online last year. he's good looking, smart, hard working. since we met online, i didn't take it as a serious potential dating prospect. we had sex right away and it was amazing. then very soon, he told me that he's married. i was shocked. then i just saw him occasionally for the past 10 months. like once a month or even less. i had no dating expectation of him. i had no intention to ask him to get a divorce or anything. he claimed that his marriage is falling apart since his wife moved away and they haven't lived in a place for over a year. last month, he told me that he is filing for divorce and wanted to date me seriously once it got finalized. he also said that his wife is well-off, they have no kids, so the whole thing will take less than half a year to finalize. now i got all my hope up. i suddenly started to fall for him. i text him but he doesn't reply. every time we meet, it's just sex, and we talk a little bit, and then he leaves. i just feel very emotionally involved with him right now. he still keep promising that he would date me seriously and we would move in together very fast since he works so long hours and it's more convenient for us to get closer that way. i really want him now... so what should i do now? stop texting, and wait for him to get back to me? or keep nagging him? i seriously want a dating situation with him after he finalizes everything. If your best friend wrote this post about a married man she wanted to date, what would you tell her? Is your plan to actually move in together right after he divorces? He lied to you about his marital status, obviously has no problem lying to his wife (the last woman he dated) and uses you for sex. Why would you believe anything he says, let alone plan your life around him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 I have to agree. You surely have better options. He cheated on his wife with you. He lied by omission (should have told you upfront that he was married, didn't). He told you his marriage is falling apart because that's what all cheaters tell the Affair Partner. You text, he doesn't reply......did you ask him why? He's probably with his wife, he can't reply because he's lying to you. Everytime you meet it's for sex. Sex, little talk, and he's back to wifey. I'm sorry. But he is using you. Don't you think you can do better? Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 You're a side piece of a$$. Nothing more, nothing less. You don't really know this guy. You're falling for the guy that he is pretending to be. Or you are falling for the guy that you hope he is; which he is not. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) i text him but he doesn't reply. every time we meet, it's just sex, and we talk a little bit, and then he leaves.QUOTE] I am confused. He does not return your texts, but you meet for sex and you talk a little bit??? So how do you know when and were to meet if he won't text you back? When you do meet - you talk a little - but not about his divorce and whats going on with him???? Edited September 12, 2013 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Once he told you he was married you should have left it alone. He is obviously using you for sex. If you know nothing about this guy other than the lies he tells you then that should be a red flag. I met my husband online too. But I took my time to get to know him and his family. When I was comfortable about his situation then we had sex and I introduced him to my kids some time thereafter. There is a level of caution I believe everyone should take when talking to and meeting people you speak to online. You really don't know someone until you spend lots of real time with them. Texting and emails are BS. If the real time you are spending with him is while you are naked while he is having a party with your body then running out the door without saying much then that should tell you that there is nothing there to build a relationship from. Seriously...you say you want him? What do you want? You don't know if this man has a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. But it sounds like his wife does and he is happy staying in that situation. The truth is he wont leave her, without her, he is probably nothing. Stop wasting your time with married men! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 nope. it'll turn into something that brings you even further DOWN in self esteem. Look at why you are allowing someone to treat you like this! Link to post Share on other sites
semicharmedlife Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 This man is a liar and a cheater...why on earth do you want that? what should you do now? RUN! This man will probably tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear...stop fantasizing and open your eyes to who he is! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Ugh, he hasn't even filed for D yet? And he had sex with you with you thinking he was single? ouch. Yeah move on. You don't want a serious relationship with this guy. You especially don't want to get pregnant by him. btw, I filed for D just over a year ago and it STILL isn't final. I'm frickin pulling my hair out. These things can take TIME. Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 As a recovering AP, I would tell you to do everything in your power to move on. It's really not worth it. I also did not know at the beginning that the man I was seeing was married, and once I found out I was in pretty deep. The added complications will undermind your sense of self. And, the reason he isn't texting back immediately is because he is with his wife. I can not tell you how many times I heard the phrase "I don't know" - meaning, I don't know what I am going to do after his wife found out. Before it was "I am leaving as soon as (fill in the blank)" A huge waste of time and emotions. I would move on ASAP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 he claimed that his marriage is falling apart since his wife moved away and they haven't lived in a place for over a year. last month, he told me that he is filing for divorce and wanted to date me seriously once it got finalized. he also said that his wife is well-off, they have no kids, so the whole thing will take less than half a year to finalize. Wow. Another married man that says he doesn't sleep with his wife who BTW doesn't meet his needs. I'll bet those are really hard to find ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zenstudent Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 OP, I'm not sure why you posted this in the infidelity section - it seems to me that that's the part you're the least worried about, breaking up a family, helping to stab another woman in the back, just to get what you would like to have. Doesn't it bother you at all?? Why don't you read a couple of threads here, some of those were betrayed innocent spouses call out for help coping with betrayal and dreams that suddenly blew up in the air. You really want him... and you're prepared to do anything to get what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hellohellonice Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 i text him but he doesn't reply. every time we meet, it's just sex, and we talk a little bit, and then he leaves.QUOTE] I am confused. He does not return your texts, but you meet for sex and you talk a little bit??? So how do you know when and were to meet if he won't text you back? When you do meet - you talk a little - but not about his divorce and whats going on with him???? he texts me occasionally saying he misses me and loves me. he always texts me when he wants to come over... he answers my questions. of course, i have no idea whether he told me the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hellohellonice Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 OP, I'm not sure why you posted this in the infidelity section - it seems to me that that's the part you're the least worried about, breaking up a family, helping to stab another woman in the back, just to get what you would like to have. Doesn't it bother you at all?? Why don't you read a couple of threads here, some of those were betrayed innocent spouses call out for help coping with betrayal and dreams that suddenly blew up in the air. You really want him... and you're prepared to do anything to get what you want? after he told me he's married, he said he and his wife live in different countries and they agree to have an open marriage. and then later, once his wife called, and he had to leave and he told me that she didn't know about the affair. i know i'm not doing a good thing. but i did not seduce him. he came to me. if he doesn't have sex with me, he would have it with another woman. i did not ask him to file for divorce. he said he filed it because he didn't want to stay with her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Zenstudent Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 after he told me he's married, he said he and his wife live in different countries and they agree to have an open marriage. and then later, once his wife called, and he had to leave and he told me that she didn't know about the affair. i know i'm not doing a good thing. but i did not seduce him. he came to me. if he doesn't have sex with me, he would have it with another woman. i did not ask him to file for divorce. he said he filed it because he didn't want to stay with her anymore. You're deflecting. You know you're not doing a good thing? Why don't you choose to do some good things instead then? I bet there are thousands of fantastic, good looking and single men out there. Don't blameshift. No, you didn't seduce him, but you didn't say no either - not even when you learned that he was married. And you know for a fact that he filed for divorce? Did you seee the receipt? Or do you just trust him because he's such an honest person? If he is truly in an open marriage, it would be safe for you to ask his wife, just to be sure, right? And this .... "about if it wasn't you, it would be another woman" - maybe so, but then it wouldn't be you that didn't do a good thing, would it? Come on, wake up, you can do better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 he always texts me when he wants to come over... You could have left out the "over"... If he loves you and wants to be with only you, freed of his marriage, what has he done so far to make this happen ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 You can not trust him to tell you the truth right now. He is cheating on his wife. How could you ever trust him to not cheat on you? Or how could you believe him in the future? Find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
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