Amazingpiggy Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 After severely damage by stbxh, I find that I start to look at men, marriage differently. Dated for 12 yrs, married for 2 yrs. he has an affair when I was pregnant. He told me that he didn't felt love from me and drifted apart when I just gave birth. Things just got messy after that. I don trust a single word he said anymore. In fact, I don trust anybody now. I also lose faith in marriage. Whenever, I saw someone getting married, the first thing in my mind was that couldn't last. Anybody have start their second marriage? Any views? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 My ex and I dated for 2 years, married January 2013 and over June 2013 due to her cheating with a girl. She's now "gay", living with her gf and wants nothing to do with me as if I'm the one that wasn't loyal. I got the fell out of love and let's be friends BS too. I feel used, betrayed and lied to. I'm also upset that people treat marriage like a toy. I wonder how many people would actually get married were it not for the financial benefits that are built into it. I'm with you on not trusting people anymore and sometimes thinking that most of these relationships won't last. After being betrayed by someone that you loved/trusted so much, it scars you for a very long time. I've been scarred by other relationships but this last one was the last straw for me. I don't how some people can do anything more than 2 marriages; maybe I'll gain their strength someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Moniq Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 I too feel differently about marriage. I don't think id ever do it again. I also have a little thing called kids, they make me want to stay single , due to the fact that I don't want another man around my kids. I am scared out of my wits when it comes to a man carrying my daughter, I only think bad thoughts. I have a son to. I think ill stay single till they are in college. If someone ever does anything to my kids id only blame myself for it, because I chose the wrong guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Maybe I am just an optimist or something. Not every man is my stbx. There are some great men out there, it's a very big world. Marriage takes work by two people who are willing and want to make the commitment to do it. So the red flags will be more visible next time... and I will be smarter about not trusting the person with all the finances, money..but I do believe marriage works if the right person is willing to give their all, and so are you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Maybe I am just an optimist or something. Not every man is my stbx. There are some great men out there, it's a very big world. Marriage takes work by two people who are willing and want to make the commitment to do it. So the red flags will be more visible next time... and I will be smarter about not trusting the person with all the finances, money..but I do believe marriage works if the right person is willing to give their all, and so are you. Me too..... MsA has came a long way to say this. It's really true and yes hard to do but necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amazingpiggy Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 MsA, dating anyone? I also scared that if any other guy touch my daughter. If anything happen to my daughter because of my choice, I blame myself forever Link to post Share on other sites
Monodare1 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I'm at the opposite end of the scale, I had to move out and move back with a parent after being told that she loved me but was not in love with me (that old chestnut). Left my son with her (as convention dictates). Her mother and younger brothers have moved in and I'm always concerned about how my little son is coping with that (I see him over the weekends). The thought of her moving on to someone else fills me with dread, not be ause she has someone new, but how the new guy will affect my son, scares the crap out me. As for marriage, not a chance again, still paying off the last one despite heading for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Marriage again?:laugh: No way in effing hell....Once is enough...I dont want any part of it..While she wasnt a horrible person, it was the worst decision I have ever made in my life.. Now that I am in my 40's, im just not ever gong to go there..If someone I might be seeing really wants that, I let them know my stance right up front..This way they have the option to bail out.. At this point, Im not buying any cows for ANY price...Free milk or not... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Marriage is OK, as long as you protect you assets... Common law is the same as marriage, no? Married in Vegas, so it wasn't expensive. My wife is paying for the divorce procedure, since she's the one that left. Do I regret a thing? No. We had our good times. And I'd do it all over again:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Red Wolverine Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Being somewhat traditional and young at the time, I wanted a family. That meant marriage before children. Did that and it was a nightmare. My children and extended family are the only family I need. I've had all the children I intend to have so I don't see marriage as the necessity I once did. I don't need marriage and it's not a goal. While my children have a father, I'd have to meet someone not only good enough for me but also my kids. If that happened, I'd consider it. That would take quite a man. It would also take a prenup. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Pretty much done with marriage here too. I'm following the MGTOW philosophy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsOptimist Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Initially I was pretty bitter about marriage and such. But as more time goes by I can see myself remarrying at some point (not for quite awhile though). After learning a lot through the separation and divorce I feel like I am in a healthier place overall. Sure I'm still learning all the time - learning to see red flags, learning to have strong boundaries, learning about my own communication styles and that of others, etc. Despite all of the history and "baggage" of the divorce I feel like I'm starting again with a cleaner and healthier slate and it feels good. 2 months into my new relationship - yes, still very new - but so far I feel like it's a healthy start and it's very exciting. I don't feel a need to shy away from commitments just because I was hurt so badly - life is too short and no matter what happens I plan to make the most of it and enjoy myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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