Depression after breakup

[ruby77]

I have been depressed ever since the breakup nearly 6 months ago.

 

I have suffered with depression before and take medication for it but its never gone on for this long. I also had counselling sessions after the breakup.

 

I have no interest in anything, no motivation, I just want to to stay in bed all the time. I drag myself to work everyday and I think that's probably the only thing keeping me sane.

 

This is no way to live and I'm scared that this is my life now. Is this normal for so long after the breakup? Will it ever end?

[todreaminblue]

I have been depressed ever since the breakup nearly 6 months ago.

 

I have suffered with depression before and take medication for it but its never gone on for this long. I also had counselling sessions after the breakup.

 

I have no interest in anything, no motivation, I just want to to stay in bed all the time. I drag myself to work everyday and I think that's probably the only thing keeping me sane.

 

This is no way to live and I'm scared that this is my life now. Is this normal for so long after the breakup? Will it ever end?

 

my mum is on anti depressants for the rest of her life...i think its more about management than anything else......if you can manage it you make it...if you dont manage it ,you dont make it....my mum is making it, she doesnt put herself in vulnerable positions where she is overwhelmed and does what she loves which is gardening she takes her meds every morning ..she leads a quiet life

 

 

compared to another woman i know who has ignored her depression and overextended herself till she became overwhelmed and lost touch with reality not on meds.....she isnt going to make it....

 

 

with depression its about management ...you are on meds so you should stay on them if they make you feel any better at all and just take it easy on yourself.......deb

[No_closure]

I feel like it is normal especially if you were the one dumped. I know how you are feeling, my husband just literally walked out on me with no explanation 2 weeks ago and it has been hell for me. I lay around all day everyday. No motivation and I was depressed before my relationship and I felt like he saved me.

 

I am moving 12 hours away and am terrified because I know I want to stay curled up in a ball but at the same time prove to my husband that he did NOT have the power over me to allow me to destroy my life. He is having fun and I am not going to let him win. Right now I am depressed and maybe I will always be but I am determined to find a good guy and email my husband a picture of me and the new guy being happy. I don't care if that sounds childish, it's what makes me want to live. For him to KNoW that I didn't need him to survive.

 

I know you are hurting and that is normal and ok. What isn't ok is not living your life. You found love once, so try again. Wow I wish I could take my own advice... Ha

[ruby77]

Im sorry that you are going through this too.

 

Id like to say I'm living my life but I'm just existing really. I force myself to work, to go out with friends but I'm not enjoying it. When I get home I just want to curl up and cry.

 

Has this gone on for too long now? I could understand it in the early days but 6 months later??

[RightThere]

Im sorry that you are going through this too.

 

Id like to say I'm living my life but I'm just existing really. I force myself to work, to go out with friends but I'm not enjoying it. When I get home I just want to curl up and cry.

 

Has this gone on for too long now? I could understand it in the early days but 6 months later??

 

Existing. Bang on.

 

I'm forcing myself to do it as well just because I have to believe that one day it won't feel like effort.

[ruby77]

How long do we have to go on like this? Just existing?

 

There's a whole world out there and I really wish I could be part of it, I just want to get on with my life but it doesn't feel right.

 

This is so tough!

[RightThere]

How long do we have to go on like this? Just existing?

 

There's a whole world out there and I really wish I could be part of it, I just want to get on with my life but it doesn't feel right.

 

This is so tough!

 

How long? I have no idea.

 

I'm going to start some individual counselling because I know I can sink into a reclusive depression at the drop of a hat.

 

I think the hardest obstacle will be coming to the understanding that I don't need to be with that other person in order to feel loved/happy. They were the source of happiness for far too long and getting cut off from that will take time to adapt.

 

But while we're in it, it is hard to want to keep doing it.

[RonaldS]

I feel like it is normal especially if you were the one dumped. I know how you are feeling, my husband just literally walked out on me with no explanation 2 weeks ago and it has been hell for me. I lay around all day everyday. No motivation and I was depressed before my relationship and I felt like he saved me.

 

I am moving 12 hours away and am terrified because I know I want to stay curled up in a ball but at the same time prove to my husband that he did NOT have the power over me to allow me to destroy my life. He is having fun and I am not going to let him win. Right now I am depressed and maybe I will always be but I am determined to find a good guy and email my husband a picture of me and the new guy being happy. I don't care if that sounds childish, it's what makes me want to live. For him to KNoW that I didn't need him to survive.

 

I know you are hurting and that is normal and ok. What isn't ok is not living your life. You found love once, so try again. Wow I wish I could take my own advice... Ha

 

Please tell me you dont have kids.

[loveiswar101]

Depression can last for as long as you allow it, it will NOT just disappear. MY wife walked out on me and had an affair after 10 years (3 Kids). Tough would be understatement, you just go on. One day things change, mine was couple of years back and a year ago I met someone, but at moment in trouble myself due to falling back into old ways, but hopefully through experience I will prosper and hopefully win her back. Partners and friends don't want to see you depressed, miserable, like you they want a companion/buddy, someone who brings light into there world when with them, and they bring light into your world, unconditionally.

 

Ok, lets look at what you have a job and friends. Use them, work hard to take mind of things then go out and enjoy your friends company, it will be hard but if you try and fail try again. Open yourself up. Blossoming flowers attract bees, come ON.

[No_closure]

Im sorry that you are going through this too.

 

Id like to say I'm living my life but I'm just existing really. I force myself to work, to go out with friends but I'm not enjoying it. When I get home I just want to curl up and cry.

 

Has this gone on for too long now? I could understand it in the early days but 6 months later??

 

Wow, you nailed when you said just existing. God, that's how it feels. I know I don't know you but I am so proud of you for even getting up and going to work and forcing yourself to just be out. You are so strong because I know I can't do that yet. I haven't had a job in 2 years because I fell into such a bad habit of having him take care of me because he TOLD me he wanted to. Boy, did I set myself up for that one.

 

6 months or a year later doesn't matter. There is no time limit on when you are supposed to feel alive again. It kills me that you have been dealing with this for 6 months but I am right behind you. I don't know if that makes you feel better but just know that I, and other people, feel that emptiness. Even though my wound is fresh, I know I will be at the 6 month mark, the year mark, 2 years mark....and it eats me up inside.

 

I don't know what we are supposed to do with this pain. I had so much depression before I met my husband and he helped me and made me alive again. Now I am back at square 1... He knew all these things about me and just did not care.

 

God, I know I am repeating myself but I truly feel your devastation and loneliness. We were left behind, rejected, betrayed, and humiliated. Now we are just trying to exist, like you said. I feel like this is the end for me and I wish I could just make him love me like how he used to... Like how he did the day before it was over.

 

I have no friends and my family is sick of me talking about it even though its been 2 weeks. I truly feel alone

[Tayla]

Genuine depression is not a "snap out of it" condition. Its medical. Been there and continue the battle. It ebbs and flows. Some days it flairs up.

 

We grieve our loss's in different ways....and we take our own time to do it. We hear so often how resilient someone is to just "walk" away from situations and merely move on. Depression is debilitating on many levels...it affacts our being.

 

Taking care to know the signs of what works and doesn't work is the ground work to healing. Take care of yourself ...even if it means curling up in a ball, we comfort the only way we know how.

 

We can be our own best friend. Take care and heal at your own pace.

[ruby77]

Thank you all for your replies, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

 

I guess what I have taken from those replies is that I should focus on what is good in my life like my job and my friends. I am grateful for these, especially my work as this is my only saviour at the moment. I dont get to see my friends as much as I would like as they have their own lives and are married some with children. They have no idea Im still feeling so bad but at least i have friends and i should be grateful of that.

 

Also, i should just keep pushing on doing things even though i don't enjoy them and wait until these feelings fade?

 

I had started to think that this isn't even about the breakup anymore and it had just triggered a depression that i am stuck with now, that is my worry but i have been dreaming about him a lot lately so he is obviously still having an effect.

 

I guess i just need to give it yet more time, the last 6 months have gone by in a flash, almost a blur. I can't believe it has been so long already.

[No_closure]

Thank you all for your replies, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

 

I guess what I have taken from those replies is that I should focus on what is good in my life like my job and my friends. I am grateful for these, especially my work as this is my only saviour at the moment. I dont get to see my friends as much as I would like as they have their own lives and are married some with children. They have no idea Im still feeling so bad but at least i have friends and i should be grateful of that.

 

Also, i should just keep pushing on doing things even though i don't enjoy them and wait until these feelings fade?

 

I had started to think that this isn't even about the breakup anymore and it had just triggered a depression that i am stuck with now, that is my worry but i have been dreaming about him a lot lately so he is obviously still having an effect.

 

I guess i just need to give it yet more time, the last 6 months have gone by in a flash, almost a blur. I can't believe it has been so long already.

 

 

You can do it. You may not want to hear this but you ARE STRONG!! You have a job and go to work!! That right there shows strength. I wish I was strong like that!! I am serious. I haven't worked in 2 years and now I am thrown out into the workforce in a blink of an eye. I am terrified!!!

 

But yes, you need to do things even if you don't want to. Even if it sounds so boring and dreadful. Oh wow someone please give me my own advice lol I believe in you. We can do this together. All of us going through this. Take back your heart they stole from you. They don't deserve it, they are unworthy. You ARE worth it!! Whatever this guy did to you, it will come around.

[ruby77]

You can do it. You may not want to hear this but you ARE STRONG!! You have a job and go to work!! That right there shows strength. I wish I was strong like that!! I am serious. I haven't worked in 2 years and now I am thrown out into the workforce in a blink of an eye. I am terrified!!!

 

But yes, you need to do things even if you don't want to. Even if it sounds so boring and dreadful. Oh wow someone please give me my own advice lol I believe in you. We can do this together. All of us going through this. Take back your heart they stole from you. They don't deserve it, they are unworthy. You ARE worth it!! Whatever this guy did to you, it will come around.

 

Thank you for your replies, you are very kind. And to everyone else who had replied.

 

I just have to hope that this is normal to still feel this way and sit it out until it goes. I will keep going to work everyday, keep busy and be thankful I have a job. Its all I can do.

 

In your case, you are very early on in the process. When I was at your stage I was a mess, couldn't even function and it was scary. It does get better, even though I'm still struggling im not as bad as I was so that is a positive for us both to focus on.

[JoelBarish]

Thank you all for your replies, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

 

I guess what I have taken from those replies is that I should focus on what is good in my life like my job and my friends. I am grateful for these, especially my work as this is my only saviour at the moment. I dont get to see my friends as much as I would like as they have their own lives and are married some with children. They have no idea Im still feeling so bad but at least i have friends and i should be grateful of that.

 

Also, i should just keep pushing on doing things even though i don't enjoy them and wait until these feelings fade?

 

I had started to think that this isn't even about the breakup anymore and it had just triggered a depression that i am stuck with now, that is my worry but i have been dreaming about him a lot lately so he is obviously still having an effect.

 

I guess i just need to give it yet more time, the last 6 months have gone by in a flash, almost a blur. I can't believe it has been so long already.

 

I agree, I think it was just triggered from the break up. I mean sure you still have your emotional pain that is directly related to the break up but your mood doesn't have to be one of just "existing". I'm on meds now after my break up last week. However, with me, the depression was coming on before the break up just because my life as a whole was upsetting to me with little to hope for.

 

I would suggest exercise. The endorphines will maybe help you feel better. Also stay busy. Have lots of little rewards for yourself to look forward to. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[ruby77]

Yeh I would say that the depression started towards the end of the relationship, when I realised it was coming to an end.

 

I just feel like I am stuck in this limbo, haven't felt right for such a long time and I wish I could move on.

 

God, this is hard!

[No_closure]

Yeh I would say that the depression started towards the end of the relationship, when I realised it was coming to an end.

 

I just feel like I am stuck in this limbo, haven't felt right for such a long time and I wish I could move on.

 

God, this is hard!

 

 

I know what you mean.... We are left trying to scramble and find a way to feel whole again. I never knew how much impact ONE person can have on your entire life. I never knew that a human being could feel so much emotion. I am a late bloomer and never experienced heartbreak. I was so thankful and felt like this is the guy for me we are married and just started college and life is going good!!! Then BOOM. Gone. Just. Like. That.

 

He is a PoS and unworthy of my love but it doesn't change anything. I was played a fool and humiliated. Tricked and lied to. And for what reason? I may never know unless he magically grows a pair and explains himself. If you want to leave your significant other, then just be honest and leave. Why the mind games? The lies? It's insane. The only word for it.

 

Hang in there though Ruby, and everyone else going through this. I am hiding away in my room feeling worse but I just don't know what else to do right now.

[lucias]

Your post made me register so that I could reply. I could have written your post myself! I, too am almost 6 months after a break up & very sad & depressed, have had a few sessions of counselling & am on antidepressants. But as you, so lacking in motivation & finding little or no enjoyment in my life.

I force myself to work & it serves as a distraction from how I am truly feeling for the time I am there & then back to a whole lot of sadness & emptiness.

I really wish you luck & strength to feel heaps better soon.

I am 46 & this break up (after an 8 year relationship) has left me feeling hopeless, discarded & worthless. Needless to say, he is happy & fine, involved with someone

else no doubt, who is bound to be all those things he made me believe I wasn't. I shouldn't be wasting my time or energy on a man who probably never cared or respected me, but I cannot help the way I feel.

I won't suggest you try everything you can to move on, because unless that's how you feel it's counterproductive. Pain in pain. Maybe I feel this bad because I am older & therefore feel I have less opportunities now. I did use to bounce back from disappointments so easily. Hope you feel better very soon.

[love1336x]

It will end once you put a stop to it.

I would know.

Two years I tried to killed myself. I was in the hospital for two weeks. I was in a very deep, deep, dark hole. I didn't have insurance. So I could not take medicine or seek help afterwards.

 

Do you want to know what I did?

I thought long and hard about my issues in my life, and why i felt the way i did.

I picked myself up. I cried, and soaked for a bit.

Forced myself do something with my life.

I put on make up even when I didn't want to.

My job sucked. I changed it.

I wasn't going to school. I picked a college, and picked a career I adore.

My "friends" wasn't supportive.... I hang out with my closer friends who gave a damn.

My mother was a drunk. I forgave her for the abuse. I helped her go to A.A along with other stuff to help her stop drinking.

I was single, I got myself a man.I change the way I was THINKING. I CHANGE stuff that I could CONTROL, and stuff I couldn't I STOP stressing out.

 

Sometimes you have to forced your way out of your funk.

You have the enjoy the gift of life. You was surviving way before you met this person.

 

You should only be sad when you have a cancer and is going to died within couple months, or you are homeless. ABOUT serious SAD stuff. Life is tooooooo SHORT to be sad, and pitiful for one person who doesn't return our love. As long as you are healthy believe me somebody else will replaced that love... It's all about the mind, and not letting the heart be in control.

[No_closure]

You was surviving way before you met this person. .

 

 

This is true in most cases. In mine though, I wasn't surviving. I was in a dark, dark place and yes it was my fault but that's when I met him. He was in the same place, we saved each other. So for me, I try to look back before I got together with him. And it makes me feel even WORSE because I feel like I am back at square 1.

 

However, you did bring up a lot of good points. Like the cancer. We should all be thankful we have our sight, our hearing, ability to walk and no internal illness. And I am thankful everyday and have prayed everyday for my blessings.

 

Even though I am sorta back at Square 1, only I can change it. Not my husband, not my family--- only me.

 

What was real crappy about my situation is that this was my FIRST CHANCE to go to college! Got through the 1st week when all this happened. I felt so good about being in school and was doing so damn well. So now I have to wait until January but oh well

[Mr Scorpio]

You should only be sad when you have a cancer and is going to died within couple months, or you are homeless. ABOUT serious SAD stuff. Life is tooooooo SHORT to be sad, and pitiful for one person who doesn't return our love. As long as you are healthy believe me somebody else will replaced that love... It's all about the mind, and not letting the heart be in control.

 

Well, you officially won this thread.

[love1336x]

Well, you officially won this thread.

 

 

Lol, Thanks?

[ruby77]

Its been 6 months since the breakup, been up and down but coping just about. The last few days I feel like I am going backwards, just burst into tears at work and kept waking last night having panic attacks.

 

What is happening to me???

[Nyclovin]

Some sort of regression . Keep pushing through until the big picture emerges and happiness materializes seemingly from thin air. We were hurt, broken down, and left without a sense of direction . Search through the pain for you path and embrace the cycle of love and loss.

[Jenny1234]

Emotional roller coaster. I'm on it too after 5 months. Some days are ok..some are horrible. I never know what to expect. Just keep pushing forward. It's the only option you have!

Stay strong