runtothelight Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Has anyone ever revived their marriage after a long term separation? Say a year or more? If so, what did you do to make it work? Is divorce inevitable after this length of time?? For us, long term marriage that has gone through some changes. Divorce has been started but is pending right now. Hurts on both sides but as of right now, this is all my problem. She has never admitted any wrong doing whatsoever. Do i cut my losses ad move on? I have not been happy for a while....... Link to post Share on other sites
Porridge Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Not quite a year but our first separation was revived after about ten months apart. In our case we had two small children which I think kept a frequent communication between us. Now we are separated again and this time I would never consider having her back. Divorce isn't a walk in the park so don't beat yourself for struggling a bit. There's an element of contradiction in your post - on one hand you're asking if the relationship has any chance of being saved, yet on the other you mention being blamed for everything and not being happy. I would guess that this is a part of the grieving process that you need to get through. Sometimes the fear of loneliness and emptiness creates misleading feelings. You think that you miss the ex when in fact you just miss elements of the lifestyle you had. Link to post Share on other sites
73Fras Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Married 22 years as of last week and separated 13 mths as of now. Neither of us have filed yet and who knows when we will. We are both overall happier today than we were 13+ months ago BUT we are still very much involved in each other lives, even if we have moved into new homes, etc.. We are both stuck in that we enjoy being around each other for limited periods and neither of us want to move on but neither of us want to move back together.. Its crazy - its like I am dating my husband.. very odd.. In any case - if you aren't actively working on reconciliation - since you mention still not happy, haven't been happy and she blames you and takes no responsibility - than your writing is on the wall. Time to move on most likely as you can only control your feelings/actions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author runtothelight Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Married 22 years as of last week and separated 13 mths as of now. Neither of us have filed yet and who knows when we will. We are both overall happier today than we were 13+ months ago BUT we are still very much involved in each other lives, even if we have moved into new homes, etc.. We are both stuck in that we enjoy being around each other for limited periods and neither of us want to move on but neither of us want to move back together.. Its crazy - its like I am dating my husband.. very odd.. In any case - if you aren't actively working on reconciliation - since you mention still not happy, haven't been happy and she blames you and takes no responsibility - than your writing is on the wall. Time to move on most likely as you can only control your feelings/actions That is what i am struggling with as well. I love her dearly but can only spend limited time with her right now. It often turns into 'you need to do this, that, and the other in order for us to move on'.......really one sided right now. Thanks for the reply...... Link to post Share on other sites
73Fras Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 That is what i am struggling with as well. I love her dearly but can only spend limited time with her right now. It often turns into 'you need to do this, that, and the other in order for us to move on'.......really one sided right now. Thanks for the reply...... Its definitely been interesting... as of right now, we just take everything one day at a time. Neither of us like the house/location that the other person bought so even if we wanted to reconcile we would have to find a neutral location and both of us LOVE our houses/locations, etc so its like another sign that we are better apart but together than together and apart. if that makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Has anyone ever revived their marriage after a long term separation? Say a year or more? If so, what did you do to make it work? Is divorce inevitable after this length of time?? For us, long term marriage that has gone through some changes. Divorce has been started but is pending right now. Hurts on both sides but as of right now, this is all my problem. She has never admitted any wrong doing whatsoever. Do i cut my losses ad move on? I have not been happy for a while....... I am 2 months into the seperation and nightmare of a divorce. It gets easier everyday. Unfortunately, everytime I think I am moving forward, I have to go by my house to pick up my daughter and take 2 steps back. My oldest daughter and wife are like a tag team and basically blame me for ruining their lives. I did that last night, let them do it.......and am committed to not doing it again. I had been rolling with the 180, and I suggest you do as well. I will get rolling for like a week, and then every Thursday, it gets thrown in my face. Not doing it anymore. Don't want to talk to them, don't want to deal with them, have offered everything to get them help........I'm done for now. I've got to the gym, lost 28 lbs in 2 months, working out, trying new things, and doing all kinds of stuff I never thought I would do (yoga, etc.). I no longer will hang out in my own house. I'm done with it. We will let court sort out all of our stuff, custody, etc. because I have no interest in giving her her way on anything. She will regret it........they all do. I want her to be happy, but she has to be happy with herself first. And that hasn't happened throughout our marriage, which is why we are in the situation we are in. Divorce court is not going to be fun, and I dread it.....but that is just the business side of it. The emotional side is way worse, and I'm trying to just move forward and not look back. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 She will regret it........they all do. I don't know if that's exactly true. But if they do regret it, I bet you more than half NEVER admit to regretting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Has anyone ever revived their marriage after a long term separation? Say a year or more? If so, what did you do to make it work? Is divorce inevitable after this length of time?? I hadn't seen my ex-wife through 15 months of separation as she was living in Hawaii for most of that time. Using the same attorney for our divorce paperwork, we accidentally ran into each other at his office. Thinking it was karma, we got back together. There's another year wasted of my life I'll never get back ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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