Jade23 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Hi, I am not the other woman but wasn't sure where to post it. I do have a crush...which sucks on a married man for the past year. He knows about it. Nothing will ever happen... I met his wife for the first time last night at a pub...we went to a bday of a mutual friend. When I arrived he said hello nicely and his wife was sitting across from him. He didn't introduce us. The bday guy did introduce me to his wife-also never met her. I thought that my crush to make sure that I get the point that he is married would have introduced us and would have sat next to her and maybe hugged or even given her a kiss. They sat next to each other for a few minutes during the night right across from my face and I was waiting for that but nothing happened. My friend thinks it's strange that he didn't even introduce us. What could be the reason for this? Doesn't he want to hurt my feelings? He knows I like him and it bothered him when he found out that at first I didn't want to come coz I heard his wife was coming and when I found out she wasn't I said i was coming and then when I heard she was in fact coming I said I don't know if i will come. So, to try prove to him that it doesn't bother me I mustard up the courage , took a friend and went ready for him to be all over his wife...and they hardly spoke.
bentleychic Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I think you're reading way too much in to his actions. They probably didn't realize they were performing under scrutiny and they were providing you with fuel to encourage or discourage your crush. As an OW, I say run, don't walk, away from this married man. Trust me, you'll appreciate this advice later if you do. 5
Journee Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 My take? If he had went overboard with the PDA just because of your presence that might had meant he was focused on the crush you have. Maybe trying to convince himself , you , the party goers that he wasn't interested. Instead he just unattended a friend's birthday celebration with his wife. No theatrics or displays for your benefit or detriment. My girlfriend tells me something kind of obvious when I get to over analyzing things... she says "J, it ain't that deep." Which most of the time is true. I'm sure he is mature enough to not feel " threatened" by your crush or to be dramatic because you are there. You should probably just let go of this. Trying to figure him out when there isn't anything to figure out. It will just keep you in this crush even deeper. He is just living his life. 2
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Is it possible he didn't want you two to start chatting? When we go out with a group of friends, we usually visit with the friends. We're married, no need to be on top of each other when we can catch up. That's pretty much how the long time married couples act at a get together.
pteromom Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Maybe he purposely didn't introduce his wife to a girl that he knows has a crush on him. And good for him for not feeling he needed to put on a show with his wife. 3
LilGirlandOW Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 leave him alone.. there is a great chance it would go nowhere fast. And Little Bo Peep (BS), isnt worried about her sheep (MM), as she knows he will come home wagging his tail, or dragging his tail behind him....
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Why would you assume he'd be all over his wife in a group situation? who does that? There are times and places for that and it wasn't one of them when you were there. That had nothing to do with you! The setting has much to do with it. I think you're reading way too much into this. He isn't thinking of you and 'the crush' like you are. You focus on it, over analyze it and he isn't into you that way so you're not on his mind like he is in yours all the time. The drama you're creating for yourself is pointless and tiring. Aren't you sick of chasing and lusting after someone who isn't into you and is married? A whole year, wasted on someone who isn't available or interested. This is YOUR life and it's time to rid of those feelings/crush and get over him so you can find a single man to love and adore you. Stop thinking of him, his wife and the why's and how's of everything. Focus on letting go so you can find someone for yourself who will love you back. 2
xxoo Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 He was probably just enjoying his evening, and wasn't considering how it looked to you. 3
waytogo Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Jade, please get perspective on this. Your post reminds me of high school girls with a crush on a guy with a girlfriend. This guy has a WIFE. It seems you want all his actions that evening to be about you. Nothing you posted suggested that was the case. My H and I may well hold hands in group gatherings. If there is any toasting with drinks, we do follow up with our personal toast and one quick kiss. We never make out like teens in a back seat approaching curfew at a gathering. We arrived together, are going home together and have plenty of time for talking to each other and sharing affection. We join a group to interact with that group. It's concerning you seem to wish to be an OW. I was that once. I can only hope you will trust all here that will tell you that is not a situation to woo. This man is not trying to get your attention. He isn't acting in one way or another because you are there or aren't there. He simply took his wife to a birthday gathering and they interacted with each other and others in their normal fashion. 1
MissBee Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Hi, I am not the other woman but wasn't sure where to post it. I do have a crush...which sucks on a married man for the past year. He knows about it. Nothing will ever happen... I met his wife for the first time last night at a pub...we went to a bday of a mutual friend. When I arrived he said hello nicely and his wife was sitting across from him. He didn't introduce us. The bday guy did introduce me to his wife-also never met her. I thought that my crush to make sure that I get the point that he is married would have introduced us and would have sat next to her and maybe hugged or even given her a kiss. They sat next to each other for a few minutes during the night right across from my face and I was waiting for that but nothing happened. My friend thinks it's strange that he didn't even introduce us. What could be the reason for this? Doesn't he want to hurt my feelings? He knows I like him and it bothered him when he found out that at first I didn't want to come coz I heard his wife was coming and when I found out she wasn't I said i was coming and then when I heard she was in fact coming I said I don't know if i will come. So, to try prove to him that it doesn't bother me I mustard up the courage , took a friend and went ready for him to be all over his wife...and they hardly spoke. I don't think you should read into it, as lots could be going on here. However, it seems that you want to be told that he and his wife aren't on good terms and he didn't introduce you because he has feelings for you and there is hope for you two. If such is even the case, what you have is a man prepping for an affair, not to leave his wife to be with you for real. In any case, maybe knowing you like him he felt it awkward to introduce a coworker who likes him to his wife, for both your and her sake. I've had crushes and yes on taken guys too...but a crush is not that serious and is easy to get over if you focus elsewhere, as you have no real relationship or attachment to this person. So for me, if my crush is someone who is taken, or if it doesn't seem to be going anywhere/isn't reciprocated for whatever reason, I don't bother about it...life goes on and eventually someone else comes along. Too many times I see women come here sweating a man they're not even in an affair with or any kind of relationship besides an attraction. Edited September 14, 2013 by MissBee
waytogo Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Jade, please get perspective on this. Your post reminds me of high school girls with a crush on a guy with a girlfriend. This guy has a WIFE. It seems you want all his actions that evening to be about you. Nothing you posted suggested that was the case. My H and I may well hold hands in group gatherings. If there is any toasting with drinks, we do follow up with our personal toast and one quick kiss. We never make out like teens in a back seat approaching curfew at a gathering. We arrived together, are going home together and have plenty of time for talking to each other and sharing affection. We join a group to interact with that group. It's concerning you seem to wish to be an OW. I was that once. I can only hope you will trust all here that will tell you that is not a situation to woo. This man is not trying to get your attention. He isn't acting in one way or another because you are there or aren't there. He simply took his wife to a birthday gathering and they interacted with each other and others in their normal fashion. Also meant to add, most of the time if H or doesn't introduce the other to a person in a crowd, it's because we weren't sure we remembered the name correctly. We do have a system to cover each other on this by introducing ourselves. There have been a few occasions we just plain forgot our manners
xxoo Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Having read a bit of the backstory, it seems like he enjoys attention from women, and flirting, and possibly cheating, but that is all on the side and has nothing to do with when he is with his wife. Basically, he was showing you how much you affect his real life with his wife: not at all. Not even enough to put on a show.
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