Molested at 14, IC told everybody

[LilGirlandOW]

that was over 15yrs ago. I sent her a facebook message today to let her know how she impacted my life and I feel oddly better? She hasnt even replied back and I still feel better. IC was my school councillor, and it turned out my abuser was related to her by family.

[jlola]

Lil,

 

So sorry. This was a horrible betrayal. Could your parents not have sued her for breach of therapy contract. A therapist is not supposed to discuss what client talks about. Just a huge betrayal.

[LilGirlandOW]

possibly they could, i just sucked up the betrayal and the consequence of the molestation and carried on with life..... still to this day never told anybody else as I wanted the incident to die a painful death... I was publicly shamed for it, at 14 I was still a child, didnt even become a woman until i was almost 17, not interested in boys in the least at 14..... it was all very confusing to me.

[Radu]

What a monster.

 

Ppl like your IC are just as guilty as the molester itself.

 

PS: Hug ...

[Eddy B]

that was over 15yrs ago. I sent her a facebook message today to let her know how she impacted my life and I feel oddly better? She hasnt even replied back and I still feel better. IC was my school councillor, and it turned out my abuser was related to her by family.

 

Excuse me for the question, but what's IC???

[LilGirlandOW]

Excuse me for the question, but what's IC???

 

Independent counsilling

[wavejumper]

sorry this happened to you. you might not know this but counselors and teachers are mandated by law to notify authorities if any sexual contact happens between an adult and a minor, in some cases, even with one's peers who are also underage.

[LilGirlandOW]

Wavejumper, interesting thought, it was an isolated incident, so it couldnt have prevented further sexual assaults, but it probably would have helped make me feel worthy of better than to be a victim. It was horrible when she "outed" the abuse, the abusers adult girlfriend started threatening my physical safety, etc. Oh looking back all the things regarding that happening I wish I could have done over.

 

The IC never replied to my message and it was short and to the point, no verbal attacks, etc. Just basically outlined that her actions impacted me deeply for the past 18yrs and had I impacted somebody the way I feel she has to my life, I would want to know. It was just a couple sentances, followed by a "Regards, MyName" at the end. Not only did she ignore my email she blocked me from any further e-contact?

 

I go through highs and lows, a cordial responce would have given me alot more fulfillment than an ignore/block,,,,, almost makes me want to pursue the issue further,,, when all I've been trying to do is kill the memory and find closure since that vivid, painfully vivid night 18yrs ago.

 

I have a horrible memory, terrible. That night I can remember every little detail, I can in my head look around and see details of his bedroom, smells, the feeling of the linen, yukkkkkkk i even remember what i and he was wearing.... what CD I had in my walkman, how I was sitting on the couch when he first approached me, all so vivid and horrible.... for her with her job to STILL after all these years dismiss it dumbfounds me.

[CarrieT]

Question - when you say that the counselor "told everybody," who is everybody?

 

I ask because I was also abused -- and suicidal -- when I was 14 and 15 and was in counseling. I was also appalled when I found out my counselor divulged what I was going through and it turned out that they are REQUIRED BY LAW to divulge certain facts when minors are involved.

 

I laid into my counselor and never wanted to see him again. It was years later when I learned he was compelled to tell...

[wavejumper]

" it was an isolated incident, so it couldnt have prevented further sexual assaults,..."

 

it's not a question of whether it would have prevented further assaults, as CarrieT said, it is the law, it HAS to be reported or the counselor could've been subjected to jail and a fine and loss of licensure. It's one of the hardest things that counselors have to contend with when working with minors- but the law is very clear on this. The person who threatened you should have also been arrested, that is against the law.

 

Her not responding to a facebook post is a also a very complicated issue, which if she is still practicing no doubt is probably seeking legal counsel herself--facebook is not the place to air these things.

 

It sounds like you are suffering from PTSD and it would probably be in your best interest to seek out counseling and support. It's a terrible thing what happened to you and the fallout was also traumatizing

 

I hope this helps and good luck.

[Radu]

Wavejumper, interesting thought, it was an isolated incident, so it couldnt have prevented further sexual assaults, but it probably would have helped make me feel worthy of better than to be a victim. It was horrible when she "outed" the abuse, the abusers adult girlfriend started threatening my physical safety, etc. Oh looking back all the things regarding that happening I wish I could have done over.

 

The IC never replied to my message and it was short and to the point, no verbal attacks, etc. Just basically outlined that her actions impacted me deeply for the past 18yrs and had I impacted somebody the way I feel she has to my life, I would want to know. It was just a couple sentances, followed by a "Regards, MyName" at the end. Not only did she ignore my email she blocked me from any further e-contact?

 

I go through highs and lows, a cordial responce would have given me alot more fulfillment than an ignore/block,,,,, almost makes me want to pursue the issue further,,, when all I've been trying to do is kill the memory and find closure since that vivid, painfully vivid night 18yrs ago.

 

I have a horrible memory, terrible. That night I can remember every little detail, I can in my head look around and see details of his bedroom, smells, the feeling of the linen, yukkkkkkk i even remember what i and he was wearing.... what CD I had in my walkman, how I was sitting on the couch when he first approached me, all so vivid and horrible.... for her with her job to STILL after all these years dismiss it dumbfounds me.

 

If it isn't what Carrie suggested, she is either ashamed, or just plain afraid of you.

[LilGirlandOW]

As it turned out the abuser was the brother of her husbands brothers wife. complicated chain, yes. So she brought it up at a big family get together, abuser's girlfriend found out that way too. As did a big web of people. I worked for her father-in-law in a casula flyer type job (i was 14 so it was just a small job), but after that I wasn't allowed to work for him, he got rid of me.

 

I'm not close to my parents so i just sucked it up, rug swept feelings untill it felt the tide was going out and moved forward. New jobs, new friends, no more telling secrets... my own especially. Had I not said a word my life would be ALOT different.

 

So I dont think she is required to tell her husband, his siblings, their SO's, and so-and-so.? Abuser wasnt at that dinner, but his sister was (who is IC sister-in-law), the sister in law, further spread it to abusers girlfriend who was her friend. They both then as grown women (21yrs old) ganged up on me

[LilGirlandOW]

The sickest part of all is, they knew the whole story, like details

 

The details combined with the age difference should have screamed rape, and as women they should have banned with me if anything. Heck, I was still in mind and body a young girl at that time.

[wavejumper]

You don't say how you know she told these people in a group setting or if she reported it to the authorities, but either way, what she did is illegal and she still might be held accountable for her actions and receive retroactive penalties including losing her license, fines, and possible jail time. If anyone else at that meeting was also a counselor or teacher, they too may be subject to the same punishments.

 

It won't take away the trauma you suffered, but in a civil case you could be awarded damages that could pay for therapy. If you want to find closure this might be one way to do that. You would need to find out what the laws are in your state and if there is a statue of limitations for the crimes that were committed, and there are multiple laws that were broken. Perhaps you can get a referral/info from a women's center in your area, it's a starting point.

 

I hope this helps