Give It A Try, Move On?

[prapti]

I have been trying to get out of an emotional roller coaster with my ex bf of practically over a year now. He kept on

coming back and "wanting" to work it out; and I gave him 100 opportunities, but he would be going out with me and when things turned wrong would be going out with another girl (I didn't know) ....which he started going out with her after 1 week we broke up. Now, when he wanted to come back, he said he left all and was serious with me and according to him: "was thinking of even getting married to me". Well, I gave "us" an opportunity and we became close but I told him I had dated someone for like 1 month when I was not with him(I forced myself to be able to forget my ex), and he freaked out and left me alone, and on top of that showed me he had never left that other girl and would be with her.

 

I accepted that he had moved on, and did not REALLY love me, and I have committed mistakes, now....I am in my own life, doing my own stuff. For over maybe 2 months. I had decided to not pick up his phone calls, and assumed he got the message. Actually I wanted to work it out at first (even friendship) , but he decided to go with that girl, so I set him free (and I was deeply hurt). After 2 months, every 15 days he calls and I don't pick up the phone, I did not pick up because I was hurt, I wanted to MOVE ON for GOOD; and he kept on calling. It seems he wanted to show me he has a gf and IT IS NOT ME. Well, after 2 months of me doing my life, he starts calling non stop for a day, and then... as I don't pick up phone, he shows up in my house, I was not there...but he left a msg. Then in the night he showed up in my house again. I totally freaked out, but I clearly told him: To get out of my life! It was simple he was misusing me. I was still in love with him, but I don't think he does good to me. Well, having said that clear, I think I could now keep on being on peace.

 

Well, till he showed up within the week at my work. To avoid a scandal I went to eat lunch with him. We started talking, and I know I do love him so I am weak for him. So I talked to him and he was like I still love u bs. Well, I didn't want to believe it; but then he was putting all the effort...I said go to your gf, he didn't want to comment. Now when I give in , he shows me once again he is going out with the gal and pretends me to be patient about it.

 

I know it hurts me, and I know I have loved him. I want to get out of it form my head. But my heart is foolish. I have asked him to get out of my life , he does not listen. I have told him to show he completely loves me , he says he is not sure..so I shoul be patient. Now I AM BORED and want to move on. Either for a better relationship with him , or ALONE and HAPPY.

 

Please advice.

[daphne]

prapti,

 

I believe you know the answers to your situation. This guy isn't good for you or for her. You have to be strong. I know it isn't easy because he won't let go, but you have to put yourself first. This guy is messed up and no good at relationships. If you move forward, you will give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else who is stabler.

 

don't settle for less. you'll be riding this roller coaster for a long time and eventually alone because if he did it once, even twice, of course he's going to do it again.

 

cherish yourself.

[Weird]

This guy sounds like a piece of trash trying his best to jerk you around and I hope you don't give this guy any more chances.

 

It pisses me off when good people give others opportunity to show them they have changed and all that jazz but people don't see how good they got it for the second, thrid, fourth, etc chance. It especially bugs me when women do this for guys and the guys just basically screw them over. As a guy who apparently can't meet a female who isn't so stubborn and dead set on working things out, it bugs me.

 

If I was in the place of your ex I would not do what he is doing to you and I don't think you deserve it so please, tell the guy to go ***** himself. I know it is hard and the heart tries ot cotnrol the logical part of our minds but ya got to do it and find someone way better than this monkey.

[pancakepalace]

This guy is a monkey! Tell him you have a new boyfriend that is cooking a salamander soup for you at the moment. Tell him is new girl must be lonely and he should go see her now! If you stay with him, it will never work and you will hurt for another 1 or 2 years. LEAVE HIME. not buts of ifs.

[daphne]

Originally posted by pancakepalace

Tell him is new girl must be lonely and he should go see her now!

 

how funny! and so true...

 

again, I agree with weird. I sure wish the messed up unstable people would stick together so the good guys could be freak free.

[Weird]

Originally posted by daphne

I sure wish the messed up unstable people would stick together so the good guys could be freak free.

 

You and me both babe.

[prapti]

Hello People! Thank You very much for all the replieS! They really help.

Gee, this guy continously was showing friendship. IN fact it was my bday last Sunday and he gave me roses and a cake. But............too much to lie to myself..........he abruptly changed again.

Last week I took care of him, he is physically ill, so I had him in my house taking care of him.

 

But 3 days ago I call him up to see how his health is and he is like..my health is gone and mentally too. And I asked him how are things with his girl (cause I have accepted he does not love me and I was just taking care fo him, due to his illness, although at that time he was claming I am the one HE REALLY LOVES) well..his reply was : Do not interfere in my personal life.

 

Oh, I was in fire, I sent him to h*ell..on top of me being hurt, I took care of him becasue he is physically ill...Where was that gal that time? And I should not interfere in his life?

 

I was fine, and that was it.

I was in the process of moving on, but I know he will come back..and bother me again. SO I made sure he does not....

 

Yesterday he calls me and I tell him I am busy. But gave him back a call..to find him telling me "Who is this? " I heard a voice at the back ...of a gal. So I said to myself this is my tiem to face reality now ..to get it over now and forever.

 

I went to his house...and I found both of them together. So I polititely asked to talk in front of both.

I said, please move on, and dont bother me . DOnt contact me as I have tried to move on and u keep on coming back and disturbing my life. And I have loved you so you keep on using me.

I asked the girl to make sure he doesnt contact me either. And even though I sounded like a freak, he has hurt me so deeply that I had to tell it in front.

 

Otherwise it sounds I am looking for him , and in fact what I have been doing was trying to avoid him and ignore my love for him. And then he keeps on coming back, and keep on hurting me.

 

This is guy is a total loser and I just need to be strong to not let my soft corner for him arise when he comes back . Cause I am sure he will...he has been doing it for 1 year now.

 

PLease guys give me advice on how to avoid this guy:

I did not pick his calls, he would call more.

Then he showed in my house, I didt not attend, he waited outside the house. I opened the door and asked him to leave. And told him to move on, and I have moved on.

He shows 3 days afterwards at my work. To avoid a scene, I accepted lunch. I said to myself it is useless..to avoid him, as he will bug me more.

He kept on coming and coming and being nice, and till 2 days this.

 

Now I know he will do it again, it seems he takes fun out of it.

 

Without callign the police, how do I make him understand not to contact me cause it is OVER and he is hurting me. Cause I have lvoed him, but then when I give him an opportunity he hurts me again?

 

HE IS A PSYCHO< or is it BIPOLAR DISORDER?

 

PLease HELP

[theone44]

Originally posted by prapti

Hello People! Thank You very much for all the replieS! They really help.

Gee, this guy continously was showing friendship. IN fact it was my bday last Sunday and he gave me roses and a cake. But............too much to lie to myself..........he abruptly changed again.

Last week I took care of him, he is physically ill, so I had him in my house taking care of him.

 

But 3 days ago I call him up to see how his health is and he is like..my health is gone and mentally too. And I asked him how are things with his girl (cause I have accepted he does not love me and I was just taking care fo him, due to his illness, although at that time he was claming I am the one HE REALLY LOVES) well..his reply was : Do not interfere in my personal life.

 

Oh, I was in fire, I sent him to h*ell..on top of me being hurt, I took care of him becasue he is physically ill...Where was that gal that time? And I should not interfere in his life?

 

I was fine, and that was it.

I was in the process of moving on, but I know he will come back..and bother me again. SO I made sure he does not....

 

Yesterday he calls me and I tell him I am busy. But gave him back a call..to find him telling me "Who is this? " I heard a voice at the back ...of a gal. So I said to myself this is my tiem to face reality now ..to get it over now and forever.

 

I went to his house...and I found both of them together. So I polititely asked to talk in front of both.

I said, please move on, and dont bother me . DOnt contact me as I have tried to move on and u keep on coming back and disturbing my life. And I have loved you so you keep on using me.

I asked the girl to make sure he doesnt contact me either. And even though I sounded like a freak, he has hurt me so deeply that I had to tell it in front.

 

Otherwise it sounds I am looking for him , and in fact what I have been doing was trying to avoid him and ignore my love for him. And then he keeps on coming back, and keep on hurting me.

 

This is guy is a total loser and I just need to be strong to not let my soft corner for him arise when he comes back . Cause I am sure he will...he has been doing it for 1 year now.

 

PLease guys give me advice on how to avoid this guy:

I did not pick his calls, he would call more.

Then he showed in my house, I didt not attend, he waited outside the house. I opened the door and asked him to leave. And told him to move on, and I have moved on.

He shows 3 days afterwards at my work. To avoid a scene, I accepted lunch. I said to myself it is useless..to avoid him, as he will bug me more.

He kept on coming and coming and being nice, and till 2 days this.

 

Now I know he will do it again, it seems he takes fun out of it.

 

Without callign the police, how do I make him understand not to contact me cause it is OVER and he is hurting me. Cause I have lvoed him, but then when I give him an opportunity he hurts me again?

 

HE IS A PSYCHO< or is it BIPOLAR DISORDER?

 

PLease HELP

 

 

 

 

 

Read my Lips................."No Contact" and move on......It's is your fault and nobody else,if you keep letting this man use you. Look yourself in the mirror. What do u see? I bet you see yourself,so would you let yourself use yourself.

[prapti]

THANKS

 

I KNOW THE NO CONTACT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO.

 

READ AGAIN, I have tried to do this badly, but he would not let me go.

 

 

My last lines:

 

Please guys give me advice on how to avoid this guy:

I did not pick his calls, he would call more.

Then he showed in my house, I didn't not attend, he waited outside the house. I opened the door and asked him to leave. And told him to move on, and I have moved on.

He shows 3 days afterwards at my work. To avoid a scene, I accepted lunch. I said to myself it is useless..to avoid him, as he will bug me more.

He kept on coming and coming and being nice, and till 2 days this.

 

 

My question again is:

 

HOW TO LOSE CONTACT without he keep on bugging me and without me calling the police!

[theone44]

Originally posted by prapti

THANKS

 

I KNOW THE NO CONTACT IS WHAT I WANT TO DO.

 

READ AGAIN, I have tried to do this badly, but he would not let me go.

 

 

My last lines:

 

Please guys give me advice on how to avoid this guy:

I did not pick his calls, he would call more.

Then he showed in my house, I didn't not attend, he waited outside the house. I opened the door and asked him to leave. And told him to move on, and I have moved on.

He shows 3 days afterwards at my work. To avoid a scene, I accepted lunch. I said to myself it is useless..to avoid him, as he will bug me more.

He kept on coming and coming and being nice, and till 2 days this.

 

 

My question again is:

 

HOW TO LOSE CONTACT without he keep on bugging me and without me calling the police!

 

 

 

 

Ok i'm going to try this one more time "Read my lips the second time" This is coming from a man point of view. Don't call the police unless he is being a theat to you or harassing you. Just change your number or block out his number,and if u got calling id then don't pick up the phone when his number show on it.

 

 

This guy sound like an immature nutecase

[prapti]

I did not pick up his calls for 3 months, screeened his calls with caller ID.

 

I did not open the door, and he waited there till I opened the door.

 

I told him to move on.

 

He came to my job.....

 

I said, ok maybe "he" is not that bad.

Two weeks later he mistreated me again.

 

Current:

I am changing my phone number.

I am again not going to pick up his phones.(if he gets my number)

I am again going to screen his calls.

 

What do I do if: he comes to my door?

He comes to my job?

 

????? ????

 

And no my intention is not to call the police.

Define harrasment? ISnt this one method of?

 

THank again..will keep you posted.

[Gottabestrong]

Dear prapti,

 

I am feeling very sorry for you, sounds like you are in a horrible situation. I suppose moving is out of the question.

 

Can you stay at a friend' s place for some time? I am afraid that you will have to alert the police after all to get a restraining order against him, so that he can't get near you. If he does you can have him arrested.

 

I am feeling very bad for you and hope you will get out of this horrible situation soon.

 

All the best!!!

[theone44]

Originally posted by prapti

I did not pick up his calls for 3 months, screeened his calls with caller ID.

 

I did not open the door, and he waited there till I opened the door.

 

I told him to move on.

 

He came to my job.....

 

I said, ok maybe "he" is not that bad.

Two weeks later he mistreated me again.

 

Current:

I am changing my phone number.

I am again not going to pick up his phones.(if he gets my number)

I am again going to screen his calls.

 

What do I do if: he comes to my door?

He comes to my job?

 

????? ????

 

And no my intention is not to call the police.

Define harrasment? ISnt this one method of?

 

THank again..will keep you posted.

 

 

 

Well from this day forth give him 2 warning after call the police on his behind. Tell him not come by your house or job. If u can afford to move then do it and talk to your boss or co-worker about this guy,so they know about the situation and document everything this guy come by your job and house. Also phone-call. What going on here is that you have move on with your life,and now he see's this and won't let go. I belive this man have an obsession over you which is a danger sign,because a real man won't do this. A real man will count his losses and move on. This man is a little weakenling with no ball harassing a woman like you.

 

 

Yes he is harassing you and file harassment charges against him. Ok,i'm going to share a little secret with u like one of my female friend did when her ex was harassing her. What she did? was got her brother and another male friend of her to call him and tell this guy that if u don't stop messing with so so....u going to wish you haven't and from that no more problem. Get one of your male friend or brother to call this guy and i promise u the problem will be solve..

[Mary3]

In most cities if a person calls you and you say " DO NOT CALL ME ANYMORE " , and that person CONTINUES to call you....then you contact your local phone company and tell them the persons name and phone number. That person is put on alert and if that person calls your house his phone privilages can be suspended !

 

Meaning he will lose phone service and phone service is a privilage just like driving a car...if you abuse your driving record you lose your drivers license......if you abuse your phone privilages you lose your phone service.

 

If this person is standing on your doorstep and you have told him NOT to come over , he is TRESPASSING and you can and should call the police. This behavior is Pathetic. He either wants you back and you are together or he wants nothing to do with you and LEAVES YOU ALONE !

 

INSIST ON IT !

 

Well that takes care of his phone and his ignorant behavior at your front door. Pretty much all else you can control...emails...texts....

[daphne]

well, honestly i don't think you're sending out the clear message that you want nothing to do with him. you're waffling and he knows it and that's why he's aggressive in his pursuit. if you would clearly, without mixed signals let him know he is not welcome in your life by no longer responding to anything he has to say or when he drops by, he will get the hint. If he still bugs you, then it's time to take action. But his pursuit worked before so you have to be the one to cut it off completely.

[SoleMate]

STEP 1: Have a third party, possibly a relative or attorney, send a serious letter on your behalf, saying "Prapti has directed me to tell you that she is through with you and requests that you stay away from her completely, forever. No phone calls, no letters, no visits to her home or work place." No threats, just crystal clear instructions to stay totally away forever. Also make sure that the security guards at your work, your roommates and relatives, etc. are aware that he has been harrassing you and you do not want any contact.

 

If that doesn't work, then

 

STEP 2: Document his attempts at contact and the harm they have caused you. Dates, times, places, his actions. Go to the court and get a restraining order.

 

STEP 3: If he violates the restraining order, call the police.

 

All the "nice gal" stuff hasn't worked, so do the above. (I hope this is all a viable solution in your country - this is the way it would be done in the US.)

[prapti]

OK, thanks for all the replies.

I have not heard from this guy for two days.so I am more relaxed.

 

Let me clarify something:

 

I did love this guy, and i did want for it to work out. That is what kills me. I decided not to contact him, cause he was using this feeling of mine against me. By me doing all from my heart and then he pretending he didn't care. SO then I would move on, and he would come back..and say love stuff, and I would think..well...maybe he cares, and baaam..when I am again interested in working it out, he goes again and belittles me. Now before I did not see it , or did not want to see it. Now I do, and ;even though there is a voice down there saying..hey , but he is not that bad...blah blah..I know he will do it again. It is 1 year now.

 

So, I think I have no capacity of even having him near, because I will want for it to work out, he will show me it is possible, and then BAAM....again same story.

 

SO, yes it is not clear. Cause my heart WANTS FOR IT TO WORK OUT, MY HEAD SAYS HE IS USING ME.

 

SO I NEED TO MOVE on with NO contact.

 

I HAVE STARTED THERAPY TOO, to see why I let this happen.

 

Thanks...I will keep u guys posted, your support is really important.

 

Thank again.

[daphne]

Good for you prapti. It sounds like you are finally putting yourself first.

Don't treat yourself like my ex's ex girlfriend did. He broke up with her for me. Then when I broke up with him he went back and used her as an emotional crutch and slept with anything that moved. I doubt she'll ever figure it out unless she gets an std. But I'm glad to hear you're not going to be that girl.