Is this total BS, or does he make sense? What do I do???

[bubblygrl5]

I had the worst conversation with my bf last nite. Ok, well he cheated on me a yr. and a half ago, and did everything in his power to win be back. Eventually, believing it was sincere, I went back. We havent had any cheating issues since then. Ok, so I am applying to grad school for the spring, and am not sure if I'll get in for the spring or the fall. The schools are all on the other ooast, so we pretty much decided we would take a break when I leave and see what happens. I suggested it, but I think it was mutual...I didnt think I could handle a LDR and try to become a doctor at the same time.

 

So, I was telling him last nite that I'll be so disappointed if I cant start school til the fall, and that i will have to move to my parents house for 6 months. He and my parents live about 40 minutes apart (SF to San Jose for anyone in the Bay area). He was like, I'm not comfortable with that. (Right now I live on my own, and we live about 20 minutes apart...and pretty much hang out daily.) He knows my parents are sort of strict and said that seeing me once a week or once every 2 weeks is too much stress. I told him it was a load of horse sh**. He says that whats the point of being with me for 6 more months b/c I am leaving anyway. I said, it's true...but that I sort of thought he would be excited to be with me 6 more months. He says, that me being at my parents is a good time for us to get a little unattached b/c we're so dependent, and that there is no point in having a high stress relationship where we'll barely see each other, and then just break up. Once again, I told him to stop BS-ing me. So I said, well, you want to break up in January? I'll do you a favor...I'm dumping you today. I said, if life without me seems so god damn exciting to you, start tomorrow. And I sent him home. Now, I dont want any sugar coating...b/c my heart tells me that he's itchy to be single for awhile. But about 1% of me thinks, well...I guess I could see how there probably isn't a huge point to dating since I will be leaving anyway. But then again, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would treasure all the time we had, until I drove him to the damn airport. So, I'm sure he'll call me 5000 times today. What should I say??? Bubbly

[mysterydude75]

Having read your post twice over it seems that your boyfriend may be right, whats the point in stringing him along for 6 months only split after, if you both know nothing is going to come of it what is the point in hanging around. You two should be close friends.

[babybear]

But living 45 minutes away isn't all that bad...it's pretty normal. He thinks that THAT is too much effort? I sort of see where he's coming from, but I don't reallt buy it.

[DutyPaid]

less than an hour away is nothing

 

what's his problem?

 

but if you're leaving in 6 months anyway

 

end it now

 

he's not into it anymore

[Amethyst]

What's there to say? You seem to have said it all already.

 

While I agree that there's no reason to keep seeing each other if you know it will end in six months, that's really a moot point because you said you dumped him already.

 

If he calls, just remind him the decision has already been made and it's time to move on.

[bubblygrl5]

thx guys. i appreciate the advice, but it's hard to just close the book on the person i have been with for over 2 years and am still absolutely in love with. its hard to understand how we were together at dinnertime last nite, and how i am home alone and just heartbroken today. i know everyone will tell me to move on, or i'm better off or whatever...and it may be true, but it sure isn't easy. i just can't understand the whole situation. if he loved me, wouldn't he want to be with me up until the second we couldnt be together anymore, or is that just my girlish fantasy side talking? i 'm so confused...i'm too in shock to cry, and i'm so angry at the same time. it's horrible.

 

 

Bubbly (not so bubbly 2 day...)

[Amethyst]

Originally posted by bubblygrl5

if he loved me, wouldn't he want to be with me up until the second we couldnt be together anymore, or is that just my girlish fantasy side talking

 

I don't mean to be insensitive, but the key word there is *if*. You're right. If his feelings were true, he'd want to be with you as much as possible and would even work things out so you could still date even after you leave. Dating for 2 years does not mean that the love you share is the true, eternal, happily-ever-after kind; and, I believe your case is proof positive of that.

 

I know it's difficult, but you WILL get through this. You WILL find someone who TRULY loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. And, when you DO find that man, he will NOT just walk away from you.

 

Be glad you found out how shallow his feelings are before you spent even more time together. If it's so difficult for you NOW, think how much harder it would be after *another* 6 months to a year.

[bubblygrl5]

I saw him a few hours ago. He was sobbing like crazy, he coulnd't really talk....and I was so annoyed I wasn't even able to cry. Forgive me if I don't seem to get it...I guess I just don't understand what this is all about. But I see that it's stupid to think we were fine last nite....obviously we havent been for a long time. He swears it's not about other girls at all, he doesnt want to be with anyone else...but I think what he's trying hard not to say, is that I'm not worth the effort since I'm leaving in the end. I guess I just don't think that way...and he's thinking about all the weekends he'll be with me when he could be out somewhere else, perhaps doing something that's more of an 'investment' than I will be. It's hard to think I've been reduced to that, but I am trying my best to be upbeat about it. And again, thx a lot guys, it's amazing how much a group of strangers can do for each other.

 

 

 

Bubbles

[girldownn]

good for you for going to grad school, first of all!

 

i do think that if you both were truly in love with each other, you would both be willing to do whatever took to stay together.

 

and maybe it's not the worst thing in the world to go to school and only have that to concentrate on. being long distance (or semi-long distance) is difficult to begin with, and the added pressure of med school on top of it would only exacerbate the problem, in your case.

 

once you're there, you may realize that that relationship isn't in fact what you wanted, and you'll find someone else who understands and willing to work WITH you on your relationship.

 

i wish you all the luck in the world, and don't let anything stand in the way of you want to do for yourself.

 

(this is girldown, by the way,i forgot to sign in!)

[bubblygrl5]

Hi again!

Well, I went to my bf after reading all your advice, and I said...okay, maybe sooner is better than later. And he said, I was just about to call you to tell you that I love you more than anything and I'm not going to give up on us without trying. He said he panicked, and got scared, and got confused...and just realized what we had in the weekend we were broken up. And...he took me purse shopping!!! (I have an obscene purse fetish!)

 

So, I am very happy, he and I both are. And keep giving out the awesome support guys!

 

Love ya, Bubbly

[relention]

hey

 

im glad that you got things sorted out. I was just going to reply with some advice but you got it sorted. Good Luck