KentuckyGent Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 And I'm still not over my ex-MW. I haven't seen her since January. It's better than it was, but I still can't quite get over the hump. I feel like I'll never find that kind of connection again (I'm in my 40s). Just rambling I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
zum1 Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 And I'm still not over my ex-MW. I haven't seen her since January. It's better than it was, but I still can't quite get over the hump. I feel like I'll never find that kind of connection again (I'm in my 40s). Just rambling I suppose. Just out of curiosity. What's your zodiac? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyGent Posted September 14, 2013 Author Share Posted September 14, 2013 It may take two years. Solid NC is best. If she calls sporadically she sets you back to the first step. And she does. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 It may take two years. Solid NC is best. If she calls sporadically she sets you back to the first step. I agree. It once took me 2 years to fully get over an ex (granted it was also because of doing LC and occasionally seeing him versus complete NC). So 8 months while it seems long it may take a little longer than that to be fully over it. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 It's normal bud. You may never truly get over her, you can let the feelings die, but if you were truly head over heels, well, it's gonna take a while and you have to deal with it. Took me two years and a momentary distraction to realize I wasn't over her, and Im still not, but nothing like complete NC to make you realize it's the best thing for your mind. You need to make it so she can't contact you, it's killing you slowly and setting you back.... you won't move on if you keep letting her wiggle in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 It's normal bud. You may never truly get over her, you can let the feelings die, but if you were truly head over heels, well, it's gonna take a while and you have to deal with it. Took me two years and a momentary distraction to realize I wasn't over her, and Im still not, but nothing like complete NC to make you realize it's the best thing for your mind. You need to make it so she can't contact you, it's killing you slowly and setting you back.... you won't move on if you keep letting her wiggle in. Good advice....^^ It will happen, but you gotta make yourself invisible...just remember, before you knew her she was nothing..Just a face in the crowd. Its not like she was a family member or a child.. It was tough for me as well...Even though its the same amount of time, Im over it now..I still think about her and even hope she is doing well... But I simply REFUSE to let someone else own me like that..I am my own man, and wont let this happen to me.. I wish you well...Hang in there and lean on family and close friends..or go to a gym and tear it up. Whatever you need to do.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Although grotesque, there's a bit of truth in the old advice: "the best way to get over one woman is to get under another one." I'm not saying literally do this. But have you even put yourself out there, welcomed your friends back into your life? One of the most healing exercises for me when dealing with a split last fall was to grab up my books and pull up a corner of couch at a local bar. I had no interests in picking anyone up, but I was hit on plenty. More than the flirting and bit of validation that I was still in the game, I made some new friends and took my mind off of the break up. It's been 8 months, love. You have to kill hope at this point. For some reason you've allowed her to keep contacting you. She is messed up in the head, and you're allowing her mess to mess with you. Cut it out. Cut her out. It doesn't matter if you meet someone or not at this point. Find and love yourself. You *are* worth that, you know. Go find your happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 In your 40's is definitely NOT too old to find another connection. At all. You do have to get over that one before you can fall in love with another, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyGent Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 Let me run this scenario by you folks: Could part of the reason I have such a hard time letting go be the fact that we met 3 days before I started chemotherapy treatments (nothing physical during that time) and that she was there for me (as a friend---though I think I was being 'groomed") during that time? This is worse than when I got divorced and definitely worse than any other breakup. I feel like she was the best and last shot at true love as I have a tendency to romanticize the past and not think of the misery, the lies, the deceit, the time alone, her hacking my email, telephone and fb accounts, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Let me run this scenario by you folks: Could part of the reason I have such a hard time letting go be the fact that we met 3 days before I started chemotherapy treatments (nothing physical during that time) and that she was there for me (as a friend---though I think I was being 'groomed") during that time? This is worse than when I got divorced and definitely worse than any other breakup. I feel like she was the best and last shot at true love as I have a tendency to romanticize the past and not think of the misery, the lies, the deceit, the time alone, her hacking my email, telephone and fb accounts, etc. I think what makes it harder is the fact that she seems a nice person (don't know the whole story though), althought a little bit crazy... However, no matter how nice she might be (because she's been by your side when you started the chemo), she's just not good enough. To reply your original question, it took me 6 months to feel I was able to go out again, I started a new relationship (even when I had no intentions, I just wanted to go back in the game at first) and the last time I checked him out online (without contact, just checking what he was up) maybe a year later, out of curiosity. But my NC with him was 100%... we NEVER spoke again. And when his friend wanted to contact me I deleted my account. It does get better, I promise... YOU have to let it get better though Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 You survived the cancer, it didn't kill you! Don't let this cancer kill you. Change your phone number so she can't contact you. I don't care what it costs, your sanity and health are worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 You survived the cancer, it didn't kill you! Don't let this cancer kill you. Change your phone number so she can't contact you. I don't care what it costs, your sanity and health are worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyGent Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 You survived the cancer, it didn't kill you! Don't let this cancer kill you. Change your phone number so she can't contact you. I don't care what it costs, your sanity and health are worth it. I don't have to change it. She doesn't contact me. Been almost a month this time Link to post Share on other sites
red605 Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Join groups, find a really great hobby, there is a site called meetup that might help you find groups that share your interest. You need something or someone to break the hold she has on your mind. She is a nightmare yet still a fantasy that can't come true. I didn't know guys took it this hard....I am sorry for your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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