divorce and the other women

[stacie778]

One day I went down stairs to tell my husband goodnight. caught him texting very late. come to find out he had been cheating on me with a co-worker. My world collapsed. Im still dealing with the pain from him cheating. We got divorced in Feb. this all happened in Dec. We have a 2 year old son. He sees him every other weekend and wed nights (overnight). I know I have no choice but to let him see our son. And I know my son loves his dad. My ex is about to move in with his gf and she lives an hour away. I feel like this girl, got my husband and now is fighting to get my child. She helped tear my world apart. I have no respect for her at all. And now my son is going to spending his time with her as well. She is 26, never been married, no kids. I am 38 and have only my one son. who is my entire world. I am mad at my ex and her both for creating this mess. They are both selfish people. It hasn't even been a year with all these changes. and now another one with this move. How do I deal with all this? I am jealous that she is going to try to be mom now to my son. It eats at me every time my son leaves.

My ex is just a cheater and Im just waiting for the day Karma bites her. But then I think maybe it wont ever bite her. This is so hard. anyone Have a similar story ? With a young child? I know the older the children are the more they can express their feeling . But my son is two and she will have time to build a relationship with him. And I cant help but be jealous. This is so hard. Advice?

[revitup]

Very sorry for you and your situation.It happened to all of us here so we know in one way or the other how you feel.

 

Really need more background but here goes what I see as happening.

 

He is a cheater-Fact

 

She is with a cheater-Fact

 

You will always be your child's mother-Fact

 

The team they are building together is based on these facts.

 

So what you have is a young girl who is knowingly with a proven cheater who walked away from his obligation to the woman he vowed and promised to always be there for and instead has fallen for a younger woman who will allow cheaters into her life.

 

What do you think will happen? You will read here all about what a cheater does in their next relationship but you can guess.

 

Your child will adapt and also that child will fall back on mama when times get hard.It always works that way in the end.

 

Your story is one of the fastest moving from here I am and divorced all in the same post-it's a little hard to know what to say but I tried.

 

Bets of luck and keep posting some background info and facts about the relationship,problems or whatever you think is relevant.

 

I'm sure many here can help make it understandable.

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

About the jealous thing- I saw someone on here respond to this in a post with the best thing I have read about jealousy over a wayward cheating spouse's new thing.....

 

Why would you be jealous of a woman dating a cheater?

 

REVITUP

[Misadventure]

Listen to Rev!

 

I don't know about the child portion but I know about how you feel regarding the ex and other h/0.

 

As hard as it is in sentimental moments, see him and her for the POS they are, especially him. Remember his shortcomings as I am sure they were there and relish in them and it will remind you there are many men out there and this is just one small insignificant one who is so insecure he had to cheat.

[trippi1432]

About the jealous thing- I saw someone on here respond to this in a post with the best thing I have read about jealousy over a wayward cheating spouse's new thing.....

 

Why would you be jealous of a woman dating a cheater?

 

REVITUP

 

Amen!! Never, ever be jealous of two cheaters who wind up together. My exH is on marriage #2 and she is on marriage #3, both cheaters. She is a replica of me, even down to profession. Not a thing has changed in his household according to my teenage son, it's still chaos, fighting, selfishness, drinking, gambling and his father is always broke.

 

My home is quiet, peaceful....my life is balanced and I only allow good people in my life. Our teenage son even noted the fact that his dad's home is just like it was when he and I were together. I said "Hmmm, guess that would tell you what the problem was the whole time wouldn't it?" Yeah, I went there.

 

Stacie - She's 26, never married and never had any kids......just give that one time and watch it fall apart. I've been separated and divorced now for four years. My ex's AP/wife is on a health and exercise kick again....exactly what she did both times she left her other two husband's. Last year, my exH sent me texts when they came back from their 1st anniversary saying that he was at our beach and all he could think about was me, I was everywhere. (I guess that was intended to be sweet? Having fond memories of your ex-wife while celebrating your one year anniversary with your AP/Wife?.....:sick:)

 

This is your time to build your life for you and your son and make it beautiful, make it what YOU want to make it, and decide who YOU want to let into your life for you and your son. The less attention you give them, the more they will have to focus on themselves without making you the common enemy. The more they focus on themselves, the quicker the reality of their actions are realized.

[GuyInLimbo]

I'm curious: are you guys in co-parenting class/therapy together? Do you have any agreement in your divorce settlement about any specified time in which you can introduce your kid to a new significant other?

 

This is a rough situation for sure. I feel for you. Frankly, I'm willing to bet this relationship does NOT last. Unfortunately, he IS your son's father and has every right to see him.

 

You and your son are best served by heeding Trippi's advice above.

[stacie778]

we had an agreement about not introducing our son to anyone for a long time. But he didn't wait. there is nothing in our divorce papers that say that though. We have joint Custody. I have primary residency. So my son sees him every other weekend and stays weds night with his dad.

 

I do ok when I have my son. I am pretty happy for the most part. But as soon as I don't have him. I go way down hill. I get very depressed. I start wondering if He is missing me. Where is he? Is he with her too? Its just something I cant seem to shake. I want so bad to give this girl a piece of my mind.

I admit too that I feel alone . And my ex has someone. He left me with no warning. Just basically told me he was done and wants to be with her. I look back now and see that I wasn't thrilled with our marriage. He is a very Negative person. Likes nothing. likes none. Just complaines all the time. If I ever wanted to go somewhere or do anything, I would always get the answer " I don't want to go, but I will". and we would have a crappy time because he would just sulk. I hated it.

And now He is on anxiety medication and depression meds. plus he hurt his back so he is on a lot of pain meds. I don't know this guy anymore. Lots of medications that have me wondering. But then again I think She gets a guy who is on medicine and is in a better mood now.. all is great. Where I asked him several times to see a doc about his depression and he never did.

I question everything. He actually started his meds about two months before I cought him cheating. He started Xanax. And when I caught him texting her.. my mind just started spinning. Then I looked at him and he looked High. I think if he wasn't on Xanax he wouldn't have done this. But I don't know. All I do is think ,think, think.

Nothink I can do about it now, I know. But I need help figuring out how to deal with my son being around her. I also get scared that my son likes his dad more than me. Stupid thoughts. But im just scared. My son is my world. and hate that this divorce has made me have to give him up every other weekend. So , yea, Im bitter.....Advice?

[KathyM]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it must be hard to see your ex making an effort in a relationship that he failed to make for you. Please try not to make this a competitive thing, though, for your son's sake. You are not in competition with your ex for the love of your son. Your son needs to have both of you in his life, and be free to love both of you. You are his mother, and no one is going to replace that. The OW will only play a supportive role, but you are the one who will always have a special place in your son's heart and his life.