My ex is trying to set me up w/ someone she works with. Why is this?!?!?!

[lostNconfusedx10]

so ive amde many posts here.

 

Quick summary:

Broke up w/ her 4 months ago. She's seeing someone (hesitant to tell me and wont go into detail about it). Contact went from once a week to every day the past 2-3 weeks varying from text messages to random phone calls. She is very confused about herself, her future, her job, me, basically going through the end of adolescence stage in her life (she's 22). She has recently become very interested in if i met any girls when i go out and asks me about them if i say yes.

 

Well last night she calls me around 11 when i was at work and sounded real depressed, just basically started w/ little chit chat like "hows work going" blah blah blah. Before we could get past the chit chat, she got a beep and goes "ergghh, can i call you right back?" She never did. Basically it almost sounds like she is starting to come around a little bit and wants to talk to me all the time.

 

She calls me tonight and drops a huge bomb on me. She works with my brother in laws brother and she says to me in a really happy bubbly tone, "Me and Marco were talking and he came to me and asked me if it would be ok if he tried to set you up with a girl we work with. She's cute and weights like 110. Would you wanna date? We could all go out together." I said i dont know like 4 or 5 times and she kept almost persisting. She said she would show me a picture of her first so that i knew she wasnt trying to set me up with someone bad. I told her that it would be way to weird and her happy tone dropped slightly and she said that she didnt have to go out w/ everyone, she could stay home. I still said i dont know and she was at work so she had to go. She said she would call me later.

 

Couple of weird things happened in this convo. She has NEVER called me from work, she just happened to mention that the girl weighs 110 when she just started taking anti-depressants like 2 weeks ago because she is extremely self conscious about her weight and started gaining which made her really depressed (she only weights like 135, a little overweight but i loved it, she never beleived i liked it though). I really just do not understand why she would try and set me up w/ someone she works with and actually want to be there while we are supposed to be hitting it off and god knows what else could possibly happen if we liked each other. I havent seen my ex face to face in 4 months but she wants to see me for the first time since then by beeing there when im meeting a new girl that she wants me to date??

 

I'm completely and utterly confused and this is just nothing i have ever heard of. What is this supposed to mean? Could she really try and set me up w/ someone that she works with? I talk to my brother in laws brother very couple of weeks so she wouldnt be lying cause i would obviously ask him about it. What is going on here?!?!?!?!

[Merin]

Darn..

 

Well.. Honestly if she is all about trying to set you up with someone else it sounds like she is wanting to feel better about HER moving on.. she doesn't want to have guilt about dating someone new, when you're not dating anyone else yet.

 

Just my two cents

[lostNconfusedx10]

as much as i dont want it to, i guess that does sound like a strong possibility. There's just a few things that don't sound right. Like why should she feel guilty and if she does, isnt there something wrong with that? If she has truely moved on then she shouldnt feel any guilt. She should be content with herself and what she's doing, not worried about me and what im doing. She contacts me every day with a text message or a phone call. She must not be all about her new guy if she won't leave me alone. And also, it wasnt her idea to set me up, it was my brother in law's brother. If she did want to hook me up with someone out of guilt, why do it with someone she works with and will see everyday and actually want to be there to start things off between me and the new girl?

 

And also, would it be adviseable or not advideable to take her up on the offer? I could see it going 2 ways. Either she would be jealous of seeing me hitting on someone else and someone else hitting on me especially where it would be the first time she saw me in 4 months face to face. that could work in my favor, especially where she doesnt seem to be all that happy of a person with her new man. But i could also see it going in a bad way where she might grow resentment for me seeing me with someone she knows and works with. I'm still wondering if this is supposed to be some kind of little test for her either thought up by her or by someone else to see how she really feels about me when seeing me with someone else. There's just so many ways this thing could turn out....im very apprehensive

[pancakepalace]

Interesting to say the least.

 

Well I don't exactly know what this means. Maybye she wants some control over who you date, especially since she wants to be there and part of it. Mighty strange?

 

Don't take her up on the offer. It could only harm you. If you do get a second chance (it doesn't seem likely - sorry) it can't be with some kind of jealousy manipulation mumbo-jumbo. Anyhow, this would totally be unfair to your blind date. You would be there for your ex and not her. This is not gentleman like and can only backfire. The backbone of healthy things is truth and respect. Think of the blind date.

 

If, ever, you get back with this girl, you need to NC her now. This is the only way. You have to be a challenge to her. Now you are not being a challenge at all. She is treating you very bad with this, like a chump.

 

You should be insulted.

 

Make the right decision and find a date by yourself. Your a man. A man doesn't get dates from the work of their ex's. Period.

[lostNconfusedx10]

ok well, in my confusion last night i knew that what she did was pertty crappy and going out would definetly not have been a good idea. She called me back today to which i let go straight to voicemail and even she wasnt happy with what she did last ngiht. Her message basically said "I was thnking about it and i dont want you to think im an arsehole for saying that last ngiht. Marco brought it up to me and i dont know maybe i thought it was a good idea. I'm sorry and i dont want you to think im an arsehole. Maybe you and i should go out for coffee. call me later"

 

So she basically regretted saying it and i almost do resent her for it, but i know how she is and she always follows her brain before her heart. Maybe she did want to not feel guilty about her dating and maybe she does want some control over who i date, seeing as though she knows i went out for dinner with my ex before her on a FREINDLY dinner date the other night. I'm gonna let her sweat it out and not call her back for a bit. You guys are right....what she did was not cool and even if she does realize that, i cant just call her right up and say it was ok to smooth things over. it was a crappy move

[Charlane]

Uh, I think she's nuts, actually immature is a better word. I would totally stop talking to her and let her keep her chaos on her little planet. Chances are she will come begging back if you do totally dis her so you would still have to deal with chaos if this is really what you want in your life.

 

Run screaming from this one.

[lostNconfusedx10]

i ended up talking to her on the phone cause she left me a message and a text message saying she was sorry and didnt know what she was thinking. She was all bummed out and depressed (like she has been when talking to me for the past few weeks). She said she was still confused and "up and down" about things. I asked her if it was about work "nope" about her new man "nope" about what she wants to turn out to be "nope". I asked her everything that i could ask EXCEPT for her being confused about me and when i asked "well what is it then" she just replied with an "i dont know" But she asked me out for coffee again. This girl is horribly confused and sometimes she gives me the impression she misses me and isnt happy with things the way they are now and then she has a little stunt like that. I did talk to my brother-in-law's brother and he did say that it was his idea to set me up with this girl (who happens to be his roomate) and that he asked my ex if it was ok and to call me. So i kinda do blame her and i kinda dont. I did let her know thought that it wasnt a very cool thing to do but i'd get over it.

[lost_in_chgo]

LNC,

 

She is definitely considering reconciliation.

 

Let her actually say it and then if it's what you want, let her know that the two of you need to communication better and that she has to tell you what she is feeling and you have to talk things out.

 

I'd like to be in your position. Or would I?

[Charlane]

Originally posted by lostNconfusedx10

i ended up talking to her on the phone cause she left me a message and a text message saying she was sorry and didnt know what she was thinking. She was all bummed out and depressed (like she has been when talking to me for the past few weeks). She said she was still confused and "up and down" about things. I asked her if it was about work "nope" about her new man "nope" about what she wants to turn out to be "nope". I asked her everything that i could ask EXCEPT for her being confused about me and when i asked "well what is it then" she just replied with an "i dont know" But she asked me out for coffee again. This girl is horribly confused and sometimes she gives me the impression she misses me and isnt happy with things the way they are now and then she has a little stunt like that. I did talk to my brother-in-law's brother and he did say that it was his idea to set me up with this girl (who happens to be his roomate) and that he asked my ex if it was ok and to call me. So i kinda do blame her and i kinda dont. I did let her know thought that it wasnt a very cool thing to do but i'd get over it.

 

 

 

I would still run screaming. Imagine her doing this 20 years into a marriage. Measure twice, cut once my dad always said.

[lostNconfusedx10]

yea i can see where you are coming from and you do make sense. I'm just hangin on cause we were together for 2 years and they were the best two years of my life. I had some bad relationships before her so i knew what i wanted and didnt want and waited a while before i found her. We broke up because she was confused with her life at the time and is basically hitting the end of her adolescence. I know what it was like when i went through that and it was definetly tough. We never fought and had a near perfect realtionship until she started to have doubts and needed to figure herself out. Her biggest problem was that she was unable to open herself up all the way. I would give it a second try if after she finds herself, she wants to open up....if we got back together and she didnt open up 100% then i wouldnt be able to handle that. Thanks for your advice