Relocation

[IndieDad74]

Hello everyone,

 

I just recently seperated from my wife of 7 years, we have to amazing boys of 7 and 3, we live in Phoenix, I moved out of the house after all my attempts of regaining that spark that never came back exhausted. I moved 3 miles away from the house so that I could be closer to the kids in case of emergency and for comfort to them and me, but one thing that I have never liked, is living in Phoenix, I moved here 10 years ago from Seattle, and I'm originally from San Diego, reason that I moved to Phoenix from Seattle was that I need to be closer to my dad who had become very ill, i couldn't get a job quickly in San Diego, so Phoenix was the stop and here is where i am. After my separation it has been very hard for me, constantly depressed, huge moods swings feeling lonely, second i am a very active person love to be outdoors but in this city is hard in the summer and since my kids have been born it's hard for me to do things that i did in San Diego with my dad that had lasting memories for me. All my friends and best friends are in san diego, people i know in Phoenix are not that close to me, they have become acquaintances nothing more, and this is one thing that has made it harder do heal the wounds. The reason that I want to move back to San Diego is because i know i can heal faster and that my sons would see a healthier Dad, not someone that they see every other day and weekend crying and depressed, but at the same time i'm a concerned on the bond that i would lose in not seeing them, i know technology could prevent that by skyping, facetime etc., and having them in San Diego every other weekend, would allow me to be more active with them enjoy them more. At what point do I sacrifice my happiness and health or destroy 2 other lives? it's something that I can't solve and don't know how to I came to this forum to see if someone had a similar experience, and would love to hear your advice even if it's not similar.

 

Thank you for reading my post.

[Moniq]

I have a similar situation but opposite. My husband decided he no longer wanted to be with me. We lived in AL and we are from Miami, so when he said he wanted to split up I had no choice but to move away. It hurts me to my core that my kids are away from their father. My son is 6 and he misses his dad everyday, they were the best buds. Everyone says that its a good thing my daughter is small and she wont remember any of this but it still hurts me to know she can form a bond with her dad.

 

I don't know how my EX feels being away from his kids but I know what the kids are going through. Im happy for me that the EX is far but not for the kids. I see it like this, if there is an emergency, how quickly can you arrive to be there for your kids? A car ride, plane ride away?

 

Im not saying this is your case but don't find excuses to leave just make the best life you can with whats around you. Im sure you can find something you like or learn something new.

[RonaldS]

When my XW and I separated, she took the kids and moved back home, 250 miles, which is roughly the distance between PHX and San Diego.

 

It's been a little bit of a pain, mainly because I don't have a place to stay when I go back there, but its a doable commute. I see my kids pretty often...typically twice a month for a few days. Soon, though, I will start having them during the summers, so then I won't be going back and forth as much. If you can make it so that you can see them frequently, probably better to have a happy, engaged dad than a miserable one. I never moved to where my XW lives because a) there are virtually no jobs, and b) it is miserable and just plain sucks. At the same time, I really wish my kids lived close to me..

 

I don't know what I would do in your situation.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know what I would do in your situation.

I do. Stay close to your kids, they need you know more than ever. You can't parent through an iPhone, it's a hands on, up close job. Suck it up and make it work for them...

 

Mr. Lucky