Was it sex?

[crederer]

If it went down the way she says, that is considered rape and she should file a report.

 

If she's lying, she just straight up cheated on you and who the hell wants to be in a relationship with a liar?

[atreides]

If it went down the way she says, that is considered rape and she should file a report.

 

If she's lying, she just straight up cheated on you and who the hell wants to be in a relationship with a liar?

 

Move on. Just another statistic of the infamous "girls night out" BS...

The sad thing is she knows what she did but hiding behind a very serious accusation to save face.

Never fall for the infamous lines she will give you especially at this stage in your relationship, it's early and much easier to get out.

 

"I am so confused" translation, she has not come up with something good enough to defend her actions. If you back off and don't demand answers, you will be astounded as to how fast the confusion goes away.

 

"don't you trust me?" paraphrased from something i read a while back "trust is the sword that is used to gut the "provider/protector" beta male and enable the alpha female to monopolize them."

 

best of luck

[MYCluciferase]

rustyram,

 

have to agree with crederer somewhat. The intimacy was forced after a certain point. I wouldn't push her into reporting it, but discuss that possibility with her.

I remember a friend's girlfriend getting into a situation like that with some guy at a party, and she wasn't clear if she'd made it clear she wanted things to stop, but she was clear that she wanted them to stop (she'd had a bit to drink).

 

I take the meanness from you as a strike against you, and the naivity of your girlfriend to put herself in that bad position a strike against her.

I would give it another try if I were you and I truly cared about her, but if you're going to unleash your frustration on her like last time, maybe you should think about what's causing that and consider not being in a relationship for a while.

[atreides]

the biggest fear i have about this and i have seen it happen (luckily the truth won out in court) is taking this accusation too far to save face with you and unjustly placing a serious charge an innocent guy she was willing to be with. It is a serious charge she is using just to save face in my opinion. However, if she really feels that she was raped, then you do need to pursue that course.

 

I simply find her story to be nothing more than cover, she went up with him, into the room, they kissed and etc.. sorry i don't buy her story.

[aliveagain]

Just an idea, tell her you'll take her back, all she has to do is pass a polygraph. See if she agrees to take it, if she does, do it.

[salparadise]

This is truly a tough situation. You love her and have great chemistry, yet the pattern of behavior she has exhibited is more than a bit troublesome. She put herself in this situation. She disregarded your feelings and ongoing objections. She was gone til noon the next day. You don't really know what was going on then, and you don't know if she is minimizing the portion of penis and extent of contact.

 

She admits that it was all consensual up to a point, then she basically says that because it was only the tip it didn't happen. It takes a lot more than a fraction of a second to pull a hard penis out of your pants, spread a woman's legs (without her help), move her panties aside, and move into a position to enter her. It doesn't seem plausible that all this happened in an instant. It may be a case of remorse after the fact. It's understandable that she'd relate it to you in a way that reduces her culpability. You will probably never know.

 

My opinion is that it doesn't much matter for the purposes of deciding what to do. What really matters is whether or not you can accept the ambiguity, put it in the past and trust her implicitly going forward. What you need to be asking yourself is––who is this person? Is she a party girl who skirts the edges, or is she a responsible person of integrity and impeccable character whom you can cherish and depend on? Try to step back and assess things separately from the hurt of recent events, or your predisposition toward reconciling regardless. If she's not the person you want to spend your life with, this would be the time to face that reality and turn the page.

[Try]

At least 2 times during this she said we need to talk and we have a problem. And I told her she was crazy and needed to stop going out. That was wrong.

You were not wrong. In fact you were spot on right. The other man that she was hanging out with sometimes late into the night was in fact trying to get into her pants, and in fact did.

 

Afte r this happened, the next day he called her and said he really liked her and she didn't deserve to be with someone who didn't listen to her and treat her like crap.

If you look on the Internet you will see that there are many articles, sites, and even manuals dedicated to telling men how to seduce another man's women. Typically, in one such article titled “Taking Another Man’s Woman: Part II” it tells the reader that “The way you approach an attached woman will either make or break your whole strategy. She has to perceive your intentions as being strictly innocent and friendly.” This article goes on to say "We all know that not one person in this world is perfect, this includes her lover. So why not bring his negative characteristics into the light? Bring up the topic of relationships; discuss the little things that bother people in general about dating or the married life. Then invite her to talk about some of the things that aggravate her about her husband or boyfriend." This is exactly what he did and it worked enough that he got into her pants. She was played. You were worried that this could happen and it did.

 

The issue is not your jealousy making her do this. The issue is that she has poor boundaries with other men. As a man you know the game men play and she does not. It is OK to be jealous when you have good reason to be jealous. This other man had targeted her while playing the phoney "strictly innocent and friendly" card, and she went along with it. Intentionally or unintentionally, your girlfriend was letting this other man (OM) get his foot in the door. She gave both of them the chance to get to know each other better. As one site advised (and this is common advice) “She isn't going to leave her boyfriend for someone she doesn't know”. In other words, by befriending a guy that was secretly romantically interested in her, she was in effect still shopping and still on the market. You need to establish new boundaries concerning members of the opposite sex, or this will happen again.

[cif]

They already hung out a few times. She made the decision to cheat long before the alleged penetration. And while you should feel bad about how you were treating her at the time, her response should've been to speak to you like an adult, not cheat.