My son cries sometimes on the phone...

[M30USA]

He's 5 years old. Sometimes when I speak with him on the phone while he's at his mom's, I'll hear a sadness in his voice and he might cry. He doesn't always do this. I've noticed he tends to do it more when he's near or with his grandparents (such as at his grandparents' house).

 

Is this generally indicative of anything? Good? Bad? Neither? Depends?

 

Feedback is very appreciated. Thanks.

[Balzac]

Oh man-you're killing me. I know you meant maternal grandparents' home.

 

I think at 5 he has deep sadnes, just as you do. He misses you and his old life. What's important is to validate his feelings reasure him you'll always take care of him.

 

I'm sure there could be more to it but I'm also sure he's not going to talk much.

There may be strife and he may feel badly talking if these are scheduled calls being monitored. He needs to know that you are ok. The adults there seem incapable of holding comments around your children.

 

I'd keep a log for a short while. I forget how old his sibling is.

 

You've got a handle on the living dynamic. Each day he gets older and you can help him to acquire the skills to stand up for himself. Concern is appropriate but keep your powder dry.

[M30USA]

Oh man-you're killing me. I know you meant maternal grandparents' home.

 

I think at 5 he has deep sadnes, just as you do. He misses you and his old life. What's important is to validate his feelings reasure him you'll always take care of him.

 

I'm sure there could be more to it but I'm also sure he's not going to talk much.

There may be strife and he may feel badly talking if these are scheduled calls being monitored. He needs to know that you are ok. The adults there seem incapable of holding comments around your children.

 

I'd keep a log for a short while. I forget how old his sibling is.

 

You've got a handle on the living dynamic. Each day he gets older and you can help him to acquire the skills to stand up for himself. Concern is appropriate but keep your powder dry.

 

I am 100% sure he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me while in the presence of this grandmother (maternal). He's even told me that his gramma gets mad at him if he tries to play a game with me on the phone which involved us coloring the same things on paper.

 

You say to keep a log. What specific things would you log?

[Balzac]

Basics. How many days elapsed since you were w him. Tears at the beginning/mid/end of the call. Maybe subject and if he sounds distracted.

 

The very things you're already thinking. How close to bedtime. School day versus not.

[M30USA]

Basics. How many days elapsed since you were w him. Tears at the beginning/mid/end of the call. Maybe subject and if he sounds distracted.

 

The very things you're already thinking. How close to bedtime. School day versus not.

 

It's been 7 days since I last saw him. I have 1/3/5 weekends. Tears at the very beginning. The second the phone connected he was in the middle of crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted to go back to his friend's house that he was apparently just at. I spoke with him for about 10-15 minutes. His overall tone was a bit sad, but there was no crying after the beginning.

 

It was about 7:30pm. No school day (Saturday).

 

One thing I know for sure is that I always have much better talks with my sons when they call from their mom's house. Any time they are near their grandparents, they always act like they don't want anything to do with me. It's very predictable.

[Balzac]

It's often comforting for 5 yo to have routine. Read or tell him the same story during each call. Repeat it when with him too. Short but he can count on it. He'll memorize it and it'll be your thing. Develop a trademark greeting.

[M30USA]

It's often comforting for 5 yo to have routine. Read or tell him the same story during each call. Repeat it when with him too. Short but he can count on it. He'll memorize it and it'll be your thing. Develop a trademark greeting.

 

Yes, we have trademark "fist bumps" (like baseball players do). We also have other repeated things we do. We prayed together over the phone--the same prayer that we do each night at my house.

[Balzac]

You're doing the right things.