How do you deal with only attracting people you don't want?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I seem to always be approached by men I have zero interest in. They are either a lot older or clearly out of shape or few that are attractive were not intelligent or we had few things in common.

 

I used to stand there a waste a lot of time talking to these men but now I quickly say "Sorry I have to go" and move on.

 

I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to approach. Even if I got a lot of rejections, at least I am not being hassled and I am getting exactly what I want.

[nescafe1982]

I think maybe this is a perception thing. Why not just focus more on the men who you *are* interested in? Good on those guys if they are honestly trying the approach, whether you wind up being into them or no.

 

But if you're focusing on the guys you don't want, then the guy you do want might be just around the bend. And he might need you to smile at him first.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah this happened last night. There was one guy I would have liked and all these other guys were talking to me. The guy that I liked was smiling at me every now and then. He sat down by himself. I wanted to go over and talk to him and just as I gathered the courage, my friends wanted to leave the bar. So I will never see him again

[mesmerized]

Yeah this happened last night. There was one guy I would have liked and all these other guys were talking to me. The guy that I liked was smiling at me every now and then. He sat down by himself. I wanted to go over and talk to him and just as I gathered the courage, my friends wanted to leave the bar. So I will never see him again

 

Should have told your friends to stay so you could talk to the guy or you should come here and go man hunting with me. I could use a good friend for that myself

[Eternal Sunshine]

Should have told your friends to stay so you could talk to the guy or you should come here and go man hunting with me. I could use a good friend for that myself

 

I wish we lived closer. I go out like this only once every month or 2. My main obstacle to meeting men is lack of good social life.

 

Imagine if we went men hunting twice a week

[mesmerized]

I wish we lived closer. I go out like this only once every month or 2. My main obstacle to meeting men is lack of good social life.

 

Imagine if we went men hunting twice a week

 

haha that is pretty much my issue as well. I only have like one good friend to go out with.

[Eternal Sunshine]

haha that is pretty much my issue as well. I only have like one good friend to go out with.

 

I have none. My only going out friend just moved to Africa.

 

Last night I went out with 2 guy friends out of which one tried to get me to go home with him

[Leigh 87]

I have none. My only going out friend just moved to Africa.

 

Last night I went out with 2 guy friends out of which one tried to get me to go home with him

 

 

I hate when that happens:mad:

[jcrew11]

Just imagine if a guy said something like "i only seem to attract fat, ugly women"

 

Every average-looking girl will get hit on by guys. You are really just upset because you seem to desire a type of guy that is unreachable in your current mindset.

 

On a superficial level, I think beta guys chat up brunettes because brunettes are considered more common and nicer. Just make a snobby face and walk around like you are better than everyone else, and the guys will leave you alone.

 

I think blondes can attract a higher caliber of superficial jerks, but I'm not sure if those are the type of men you are after either.

 

If you are just judging guys based on looks and you just want that "unattainable hot guy" then you are going to have to go after him. Hot guys know they don't have to try as hard to talk to women, and let the women come to them.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate when that happens:mad:

 

Leigh have you ever had dark hair?

 

Do you think it's true that blondes attract better looking men?

[Leigh 87]

Leigh have you ever had dark hair?

 

Do you think it's true that blondes attract better looking men?

 

 

 

 

I don't think I am that special to most men, albeit there is a market of men who go crazy for curvy blondes with blue eyes and boobs. It is not that I am more attractive than you; far from it. I know there are men who think I am really attractive because they like my type of look specifically.

 

I have had very good looking men who genuinely think I am gorgeous and very attractive (yes I am not imagining things, I have heard them say it when I am not around and were not aware I was listening).

 

I am very certain the reason I always have a few good looking men that find me very attractive in any given room when I go out, is simply because I am blonde.

 

It is sort of like a short, cute plain girl similar to me; average looking, yet there are as few men who REALLY dig short cute girls, and therefore to THEM she is highly attractive, and yet plain to most other men.

 

Do you have a specific look?

 

If not, and you're not "stunning" (which, btw, I think you ARE very attractive!), then you will be hard pressed to find men who are VERY attracted to you at first site. Where as I do have men who are very attracted initially, despite the fact I am "average"

[mesmerized]

Leigh have you ever had dark hair?

 

Do you think it's true that blondes attract better looking men?

 

Could have some truth to it, specially when it comes to ethnic men. Blondes are seen as more fun and sexual and the blonde hair is a flashy color that grabs attention at night. All that being said, If one is blonde but ugly or out of shape, she'll still get nowhere.

[holly25]

I seem to always be approached by men I have zero interest in. They are either a lot older or clearly out of shape or few that are attractive were not intelligent or we had few things in common.

 

I used to stand there a waste a lot of time talking to these men but now I quickly say "Sorry I have to go" and move on.

 

I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to approach. Even if I got a lot of rejections, at least I am not being hassled and I am getting exactly what I want.

 

I've never believed in approaching until here recently. I don't approach the way a man would though. If I saw a cute guy at a restaurant that I wanted, I'd think to myself 'I want you', tell him he's hot then go from there. Many women see a man that catches their eye and then starts a conversation with him. You just gotta go for what you want or someone else will. J.Lo saw her first husband and told her friend she was going to marry him, Jayne Mansfield saw her husband (Mickey) and said 'I'll have a steak, and that man'. It's not socially unacceptable.

[Leigh 87]

I've never believed in approaching until here recently. I don't approach the way a man would though. If I saw a cute guy at a restaurant that I wanted, I'd think to myself 'I want you', tell him he's hot then go from there. Many women see a man that catches their eye and then starts a conversation with him. You just gotta go for what you want or someone else will. J.Lo saw her first husband and told her friend she was going to marry him, Jayne Mansfield saw her husband (Mickey) and said 'I'll have a steak, and that man'. It's not socially unacceptable.

 

 

I don't make it obvious I am hitting on them. I ask for a lighter if I am going out, since I am a social smoker very occasionally.

 

If they want to keep talking because they like the sound of me and the way I look enough, they make it known.

 

Some men will not approach girls they think are cute. Yet they will secretly hope the girls will approach.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My dad told me that I should approach the ones that don't approach me because they are less likely to be players

[mesmerized]

My dad told me that I should approach the ones that don't approach me because they are less likely to be players

 

How does one approach though? I don't think I'll ever have the balls for it

[Leigh 87]

How does one approach though? I don't think I'll ever have the balls for it

 

 

Pretend to ask them a question. The directions for something or train timetable.

 

That is you are a good actor and can lie. I know women who can't stand lying, even on a small scale, such as making things up to ask a guy purely to start a conversation.

[Eternal Sunshine]

How does one approach though? I don't think I'll ever have the balls for it

 

Don't ask me, my approaching is terrible. I am way too blunt and unnatural. I was once dared to so I went up to a guy and said "You are hot" then I started giggling. Then I ran away in embarrassment

[Imajerk17]

I have the same problem. Almost always (99.9% of the time), the only women who write me in OLD are the ones whom I am not attracted to. When I am out women NEVER approach me. So by default it means that the women I'm attracted to don't approach me.

 

I have a solution that works wonders for me though. I initiate. You can initiate too, you don't have to be a slave to social custom.

 

 

I wrote a thread a little while back on guys should be happy that women won't be the pursuers. When I wrote my thread though, I wasn't thinking that women "shouldn't" have to bother themselves with approaching men. I actually was instead thinking this: Those who initiate/pursue are the choosers. And the choosers are the ones with the power in the dating world. Everyone else just has to take what falls into their lap or just not date.

 

And so, I tell WOMEN who are unhappy with the guys who ask them out this very same thing--that they can keep on waiting (and waiting and waiting) for the guys they are into to ask them out, or they can take matters into their own hands and ask out the guys they are into.

[mesmerized]

Don't ask me, my approaching is terrible. I am way too blunt and unnatural. I was once dared to so I went up to a guy and said "You are hot" then I started giggling. Then I ran away in embarrassment

 

haha, I wish I was dared to do something like that! would be interesting to see the results...And I could always blame it on my friends after

[kaylan]

I seem to always be approached by men I have zero interest in. They are either a lot older or clearly out of shape or few that are attractive were not intelligent or we had few things in common.

 

I used to stand there a waste a lot of time talking to these men but now I quickly say "Sorry I have to go" and move on.

 

I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to approach. Even if I got a lot of rejections, at least I am not being hassled and I am getting exactly what I want.

Um, it is acceptable.

 

Women just use that as an excuse because most of you dont have the courage or strong will to handle a bruised ego. And considering Im bad at reading womens signals, Im sure there have been a number of times where Ive missed a possible connection when Ive been out and about.

 

*shrugs* Oh wells. Such is life.

Edited September 15, 2013 by kaylan

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

My current girlfriend approached me so, yes, I do sometimes attract the people that I want.

 

Other times, I have had to go after the girls that I want.

 

I'm okay with either situation, as I usually get the girls that I want.

[Leigh 87]

Don't ask me, my approaching is terrible. I am way too blunt and unnatural. I was once dared to so I went up to a guy and said "You are hot" then I started giggling. Then I ran away in embarrassment

 

 

 

That's cute:lmao:

[leftfordead2]

Don't ask me, my approaching is terrible. I am way too blunt and unnatural. I was once dared to so I went up to a guy and said "You are hot" then I started giggling. Then I ran away in embarrassment

 

Lol this is funny. I mean it in a good way.

[Mascara]

Going against the grain here, but... I don't think you should approach. By all means flirt - eg, the asking for a light thing - but that's it.

 

Men love the idea of being hit on by women, but the reality is that you might end up dating someone who is just flattered, doesn't quite know how to say 'no' if he's not that into you, doesn't want to say 'no' anyway because this hardly ever happens to him, and ends up halfheartedly dating you for a few weeks.

 

If you're not totally ugly and at least 'average', as someone said most guys will at least play out the above scenario.