How do you deal with only attracting people you don't want?

[PogoStick]

I hate my gal friends always trying to sleep with me. I try to pickup some hotties and they are always cuntblocking!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate my gal friends always trying to sleep with me. I try to pickup some hotties and they are always cuntblocking!

 

Tough life you live PogoStick

[Bigcitydreamer]

What you are experiencing is the age old problem that many good looking women face. Being approached/ hit on is not the problem, its being approached by guys that you are actually attracted to that's the problem!

 

I've struggled with this a lot. When I was single I'd get approached every time I went out, but not by anyone that I was attracted to. When I finally do get approached by men that I'm attracted to, generally that's when a relationship will happen. Being above average attractive wise, gives you a smaller pool of people that are on your attraction level, making it harder to find a partner.

 

This is the reason why its always been hard for me to find a relationship. I think what your going through is normal for most women.

 

As for approaching someone yourself, ive always been too scared to do that. Although once I got my friend to approach a guy for me (I was 20, give me a break) and it backfired. My friend told him I thought he was cute and he said he was leaving the bar to go somewhere else. That experience bothered me because I thought "ummm wtf, you aren't interested??" Haha. But I got over it. And I don't regret it. And at this age (25), I'd probably approach if I was single. I wouldn't directly hit on them, maybe a question or something random.

 

I know the most beautiful girl who approached her current bf (who in my opinion is less attractive than her so I don't think he would have walked away no matter what she said) but she said to him "heyy what are you doing here alone". Imagine that! She had balls lol.

[mammasita]

I don't think you should be afraid to approach......ask them where the bathroom is or say something super corny. LOL.

 

Ok, we'll, that's my personality......I guess use something that works for you

[veggirl]

I think you should approach them. I mean esp if you're at a bar/party, you just sit down and say "hi" and smile and then you can ask what they are drinking, are they having a good time, etc. I would def do it. That isn't chasing or looking desperate, it is simply starting a conversation! Technically I made the first approach to my bf, although it was a different scenario that doesn't apply here but I've went up and talked to many guys at bars/parties that I was interested in. When I was younger I'd just walk up and go "what are you doing?" lol.

[phineas]

Yeah this happened last night. There was one guy I would have liked and all these other guys were talking to me. The guy that I liked was smiling at me every now and then. He sat down by himself. I wanted to go over and talk to him and just as I gathered the courage, my friends wanted to leave the bar. So I will never see him again

 

 

Can you explain the scene?

Did you have a handful of guys hitting on you all at once in a group?

Did you have a line set-up & were conducting interviews?

Are guys swarming around you in public?

 

When I go out & I see a woman who is getting hit on constantly I avoid because it's obvious they LOVE the attention.

They are giving off a signal that they want men to approach just for the ego boost.

 

Not saying this is you, but this how my friends view it. We know better than to waste our time.

If they are still around & drunk at the end of the night after the herd has thinned we may try to hook up with them but we don't put in a lot of effort.

 

Now, my female friends are very attractive & single but hardly anyone ever approaches them.

Even when they are out on the dance floor.

Even when it's obvious they are not with the guys in the group & we are all talking to other women guys don't approach them because they don't want most of the guys in the place approaching for the same reasons you stated.

 

This is the vibe they give off

 

They just want one guy to approach them.

In which case they will inch their way into his immediate area or buy drinks at the bar next to him giving him an opportunity to say hello.

[holly25]

What you are experiencing is the age old problem that many good looking women face. Being approached/ hit on is not the problem, its being approached by guys that you are actually attracted to that's the problem!

 

I've struggled with this a lot. When I was single I'd get approached every time I went out, but not by anyone that I was attracted to. When I finally do get approached by men that I'm attracted to, generally that's when a relationship will happen. Being above average attractive wise, gives you a smaller pool of people that are on your attraction level, making it harder to find a partner.

 

This is the reason why its always been hard for me to find a relationship. I think what your going through is normal for most women.

 

As for approaching someone yourself, ive always been too scared to do that. Although once I got my friend to approach a guy for me (I was 20, give me a break) and it backfired. My friend told him I thought he was cute and he said he was leaving the bar to go somewhere else. That experience bothered me because I thought "ummm wtf, you aren't interested??" Haha. But I got over it. And I don't regret it. And at this age (25), I'd probably approach if I was single. I wouldn't directly hit on them, maybe a question or something random.

 

I know the most beautiful girl who approached her current bf (who in my opinion is less attractive than her so I don't think he would have walked away no matter what she said) but she said to him "heyy what are you doing here alone". Imagine that! She had balls lol.

 

 

If I could not relate to you, I would think you sounded like a total snob. You nailed the point I've been trying to make without just bluntly saying it because I did not want to sound snobby although I think people on this forum already think I am anyway.

 

I can't find guys that I'm attracted to for the very reasons you've stated. I'm just downright frustrated.

 

Also like I said before, I don't see anything wrong with approaching. I see women approach men all the time.

[xxoo]

Make eye contact, then go up and talk to him. That's as far as I'd go, personally, as I prefer a man who is assertive in going for what he wants.

[phineas]

What you are experiencing is the age old problem that many good looking women face. Being approached/ hit on is not the problem, its being approached by guys that you are actually attracted to that's the problem!

 

I've struggled with this a lot. When I was single I'd get approached every time I went out, but not by anyone that I was attracted to. When I finally do get approached by men that I'm attracted to, generally that's when a relationship will happen. Being above average attractive wise, gives you a smaller pool of people that are on your attraction level, making it harder to find a partner.

 

This is the reason why its always been hard for me to find a relationship. I think what your going through is normal for most women.

 

As for approaching someone yourself, ive always been too scared to do that. Although once I got my friend to approach a guy for me (I was 20, give me a break) and it backfired. My friend told him I thought he was cute and he said he was leaving the bar to go somewhere else. That experience bothered me because I thought "ummm wtf, you aren't interested??" Haha. But I got over it. And I don't regret it. And at this age (25), I'd probably approach if I was single. I wouldn't directly hit on them, maybe a question or something random.

 

I know the most beautiful girl who approached her current bf (who in my opinion is less attractive than her so I don't think he would have walked away no matter what she said) but she said to him "heyy what are you doing here alone". Imagine that! She had balls lol.

 

If I could not relate to you, I would think you sounded like a total snob. You nailed the point I've been trying to make without just bluntly saying it because I did not want to sound snobby although I think people on this forum already think I am anyway.

 

I can't find guys that I'm attracted to for the very reasons you've stated. I'm just downright frustrated.

 

Also like I said before, I don't see anything wrong with approaching. I see women approach men all the time.

 

Actually you both don't only sound stuck up and snobbish, but men, QUALITY MEN pick up on your attitude and either stay away or will just try to bang you because they don't view women like you as relationship material.

 

I meet couples all the time when one is way more attractive looking than the other.

It isn't because they settled either.

It's because attraction is more than just looks.

 

Being in shape myself I tend to go for in shape women (lean women) because i'm active & won't date a couch potato but I've met & dated some curvy girls that turned me on just because of their attitude & personality.

[Bigcitydreamer]

Actually you both don't only sound stuck up and snobbish, but men, QUALITY MEN pick up on your attitude and either stay away or will just try to bang you because they don't view women like you as relationship material.

 

I meet couples all the time when one is way more attractive looking than the other.

It isn't because they settled either.

It's because attraction is more than just looks.

 

Being in shape myself I tend to go for in shape women (lean women) because i'm active & won't date a couch potato but I've met & dated some curvy girls that turned me on just because of their attitude & personality.

 

Women like us? Please elaborate. I think I'm attractive, and have experience being approached by men that I'm not attracted to, some how indicates that I have a sh*tty personality?

 

I don't care how I'm perceived on this forum. What is the point of me coming to this forum if I cannot say how I truly feel? I'm not going to sugar coat stuff to avoid looking like a bad person, when my personal experience has the potential to help someone else. I, like the OP have been in this situation. Was single for 3 years. In that 3 year span I was approached many times. I hooked up with people who wanted to pursue a relationship, and I did not. Then my current SO approached me and I was attracted to him on all levels and were still together 3 years later.

[nescafe1982]

Right. Being hot and having lots of dudes hit on you doesn't make for a ****ty personality. And I would know. :)

[PJKino]

Looking at threads like these alot makes me laugh at the women dont care about looks much bs thats spewed:laugh:

[nescafe1982]

Looking at threads like these alot makes me laugh at the women dont care about looks much bs thats spewed:laugh:

 

Well, a lot of women do.

 

But when I get approached by a guy, I break down his "look" into more constituent parts than "is he hot?" Is he dressed in rumpled clothes and needs a shave? Next. Does he appear immature (you'd be surprised how common that is, grown men dressed like little boys)? Next. Does he lead with a bad pickup line or any kind of sexual innuendo? Next. Does he utter a backhanded compliment? Next.

 

Now, is he clean shaven? Does he appear employed? Educated (that's a big one for me)? Does he seem genuine? Does he ask to sit down with me, buy a drink, etc (rather than just assuming)? Well, that guy might be worth a go.

 

Yes, I care about looks... but "looks" are a lot more than whether a man is hot.

[xxoo]

At a bar, looks matter a lot.

 

But bars are not ideal places to meet a partner.

[Imported]

Women that have male orbiters, I don't go near. Usually lots of drama, lots of BS from the woman herself and the other men.....not worth me even considering it. Get rid of them. Don't be inviting to them. If you find yourself constantly surrounded by dudes you don't want....yes you are inviting them. If you are not repelling them, you are inviting them. Put your bitch shield up or whatever, figure it out. If you want them, than by all means have at it, but don't ever think that if a guy sees you having a lot of other guys around you, he is going to think....'wow, that girl is really popular, she must be very cool'. I assure you most guys that aren't struggling to get girls will not think this. And what do the orbiters think? They're thinking if they are really really nice to you and keep blowing sunshine up your ass, you'll start to crave their bull**** compliments and get attracted to them. Yes, they are that desperate, that is why they orbit. So, not only are you surrounding yourself with guys you don't actually want, but by doing so the guys you might actually want won't even go near you. I see girls like that and....I don't even think about it, they are just filtered out.

[PJKino]

At a bar, looks matter a lot.

 

But bars are not ideal places to meet a partner.

 

The same women you meet at bars/lounges you meet at other places..Most people under 40 go to bars/lounges on weekends to socialize and unwind its not just hardcore alcholics

[Brown-Eyez]

Make eye contact, then go up and talk to him. That's as far as I'd go, personally, as I prefer a man who is assertive in going for what he wants.

 

this ^^ is a very important point

 

I think as a girl its ok to show some initial interest

but

 

IMO he should be the one to THEN pursue

like asking for your number, etc

 

otherwise, it sets the tone for the whole relationship

you, the girl, are always the one 'trying' to get him to like you

 

i'm still figuring this whole system out

cuz i use to think that even showing interest was pursuing

but now i understand it differently

[PJKino]

this ^^ is a very important point

 

I think as a girl its ok to show some initial interest

but

 

IMO he should be the one to THEN pursue

like asking for your number, etc

 

otherwise, it sets the tone for the whole relationship

you, the girl, are always the one 'trying' to get him to like you

 

i'm still figuring this whole system out

cuz i use to think that even showing interest was pursuing

but now i understand it differently

 

So it should be the man trying to get her to like him the whole relationship then? these women who think each gender should fit in a box when it comes to this stuff and want to play games and power struggles early on just to protect their ego and vulnerability annoy me..

[xxoo]

The same women you meet at bars/lounges you meet at other places..Most people under 40 go to bars/lounges on weekends to socialize and unwind its not just hardcore alcholics

 

But in those other places, you have more chance to show different sides of yourself, get to know each other, and really make connections.

 

In the bar--it's mostly about looks.

 

So it should be the man trying to get her to like him the whole relationship then? these women who think each gender should fit in a box when it comes to this stuff and want to play games and power struggles early on just to protect their ego and vulnerability annoy me..

 

No, not for the whole relationship. Just allow him demonstrate his interest or disinterest, if the woman approaches and starts the conversation.

[PJKino]

But in those other places, you have more chance to show different sides of yourself, get to know each other, and really make connections.

 

In the bar--it's mostly about looks.

 

 

 

No, not for the whole relationship. Just allow him demonstrate his interest or disinterest, if the woman approaches and starts the conversation.

 

1-ehh ive made connections with women when i used to have some in my social circle but i wasnt good looking enough so they wanted to be my friend and they went for my good looking friend such is life..

 

2-its still tryign to protect yourself and make the man do all the work and put himslef on the line early on so you dont have to.. All it is really is a game playing power play to protect your ego whatever way you want to try to spin it

Edited September 15, 2013 by PJKino

[phineas]

Women like us? Please elaborate. I think I'm attractive, and have experience being approached by men that I'm not attracted to, some how indicates that I have a sh*tty personality?

 

I don't care how I'm perceived on this forum. What is the point of me coming to this forum if I cannot say how I truly feel? I'm not going to sugar coat stuff to avoid looking like a bad person, when my personal experience has the potential to help someone else. I, like the OP have been in this situation. Was single for 3 years. In that 3 year span I was approached many times. I hooked up with people who wanted to pursue a relationship, and I did not. Then my current SO approached me and I was attracted to him on all levels and were still together 3 years later.

 

Where did I say you had a "sh*tty personality" ?

I just pointed out that other men can see shallow stuck up women who perceive themselves too attractive to date average looking men.

 

If a woman is trying to say 99% of the men who approach her are deemed unattractive by societies standards then she simply isn't as attractive as she thinks she is or has unrealistic standards in which case she should STFU because it's all on her not the men she meets.

[phineas]

But in those other places, you have more chance to show different sides of yourself, get to know each other, and really make connections.

 

In the bar--it's mostly about looks.

 

 

 

No, not for the whole relationship. Just allow him demonstrate his interest or disinterest, if the woman approaches and starts the conversation.

 

Everything is about looks. initially.

 

However if you are forever single because you can't find someone you are attracted to then it's you that's the problem.

Not the people you meet.

[xxoo]

Everything is about looks. initially.

 

In a bar, where everything is about instant attraction, yes.

 

But in the rest of the world, there are reasons other than physical hotness to talk to and get to know someone. And that's when many of us often find we become attracted to some individuals after a month or so of interacting with them, where we may not have noticed that individual in a bar situation.

 

It happens all the time.

[AD1980]

This is why i dont approach women the few times i did i can see the looks no nheir faces thinking "god why is this ugly guy trying to hit on me id wish hed stop"

[jcrew11]

I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to approach. Even if I got a lot of rejections, at least I am not being hassled and I am getting exactly what I want.

 

Also, the reason these sketchy guys hit on you is because they see you as having a weak, nice girl personality - which shows in your statement of being a "victim of these men" sitting around waiting for guys to come talk to you.

 

Hot girls that date Hot guys don't take crap from anyone, and go after what they want. The head cheerleader mean girls at school get the hot guys because they go after what they want and put down the ugly guys that talk to them.

 

If you don't want these ugly guys talking to you, just become a "Mean Girl" instead of a weak, nice girl that is too nice to stop these undesirable men from hitting on her.