WS. What are their lame excuses to justify her/his infidelity?

[photogirl2006]

:rolleyes:I was neglecting him:rolleyes:

 

I was home 7 days out of the week, caring for the kids, and I was lucky if he spent a nice morning or a nice evening once a week with me.

Oooh...so familiar

[Coolit]

I "liked" your post but I hesitated for a moment cause I didn't want you to take it the wrong way. I just appreciate the fact that you talk about this stuff without getting defensive and justifying. Like someone else said, it's refreshing. You can turn in your greedy selfish whore crown for the Awesome fWS Representative Award

 

Thanks better, and it is okay if you liked my post. It was who I was being. Not who I am or who I was before. So i need to keep reminding myself that I can heal and be a better person, wife, mother. But some days I do want to quit... But thankfuly I can honestly say I never want to be back in the A.

[aliveagain]

"Your f**ken crazy, of course he's your kid" and "She's telling you lies because she's jealous of me and wants to break us up."

[Betrayed&Stayed]

like most cheaters tat i've read about here, and other forums, there seems to e a consesnsus about not "getting what they need" from their spouses. well, why don't they make their needs known; and if they have, and nothing is done about it, then file for divorce.

 

i will never understand how it's more easier for these people to engage in an affair, rather than go your separate ways and start over. i mean..... no matter how you slice it, you're blowing up the marriage anyways. why not do it in a more honest and dignified manner- by calling it quits???

 

I believe cheaters mostly fall into 2 categories (serial cheaters and sex addicts are another matter):

 

1 - Those that are pushed into an affair. A "bad" marriage is the original agent in the slippery slope of the affair. A sexless marriage falls under this category.

 

2 - Those that are pulled into an affair. The lure of another man/women is the original agent in the slippery slope. "Just friends" or "it just happened" affairs fall under this category.

 

My wife claims that she was "pulled" into the affair. The "I wasn't getting what I wanted" aspect was only raised to consciousness once she was looking to justify/validate her attraction to the OM.

 

Some of her perceived issues with our marriage were valid, but most of them were just excuses. Regardless, before, during, and after her affair she never once communicated any marital issues to me. Why did she not make her needs known? That question was delved into extensively after D-day.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Can you elaborate on this? What did she say?

 

Main factor was Family of Origin:

>She was raised in a family that did not rock the boat (conflict avoiders).

>They did not ask anyone for help. Self-reliance types.

>The father made the decisions, and no one was to challenge his decisions.

 

When we made decisions to do something, I would say 'yes' or 'no' initially. For me, the was the starting point for discussion. If she wanted to do something that was important to her, I expected her to say that. For her, she thought that my "no" was final. I interpreted her silence as approval. This patterned went on for years.

 

For some reason she had a problem expressing what makes her happy. It's foreign to me.

 

One example was soon after we discovered this disconnect I took her out for her birthday. Part of the celebration was taking her out for a nice dinner. All during dinner she was in an weird mood. I inquired, and not nothing back. We then went to a frozen yogurt place for dessert. I could still feel the weird vibe. I pushed some more since I was getting frustrated. She finally told me that for her it doesn't feel like a birthday without a birthday cake. I didn't have a cake for her, and the restaurant didn't have cake on the menu. (I couldn't care less about a cake for my birthday.) For our entire relationship (10+ years at that time) I did not know that about her, and she never told me. I was so frustrated. "Say something!" I still don't fully understand it. I'm not sure if she was fully aware of it herself.

 

That was about 4 years ago. She's gotten much better since then.

[Artie Lang]

I think a lot of people in affairs start out as cake eaters. Then when caught or after they fall in love with AP they decide that they were unhappy in their M.

 

i can believe this.