Heart ache

[lost and confused]

Hello anyone who reads this, i have this big problem see my boyfriendz an ass to me and i love him a lot but he thinks he can walk all over me and i don't know how much more of this i can take, i want to show him it hurts me and make him relize what hes doing but with out losing him, i know i probley shouldnt take his crap but i just love him way to much....can anyone help me???

[Tony T]

The guy treats you like crap and you want to show him it hurts you??? Just what do you think his motivation is, anyway...to make you feel great???

 

Ok, so what I am hearing is that your boyfriend is an ass to you but you don't want to lose him. Would it be too presumptuous of me to assume you have already discussed this with him before taking the issue to the world via the Internet?

 

Ok, assuming you have asked him to treat you with more kindness and respect, the fact that you are posting here tells me he did not comply with your wishes. If my assumption is incorrect, you need to come right out and tell him you aren't going to take his abuse any longer...unless it is a condition for him remaining with you because you don't want to lose him.

 

Why would you think you would lose him if you told him how his actions hurt you? I know you would not date a really stupid guy...so he's got to know this hurts you. Since he keeps doing it, he must enjoy hurting you.

 

Well, I have gotten a lot of crticism in the last day or so for telling people who are in abusive relationships to hit the road, splitsville. That's what I'd like to tell you here. But I'm trying to change my image a bit now...want to save these terrible relationships.

 

So to save this so you can remain with the guy you dearly love who abuses the hell out of you by being a real ass, buy some ear plugs so you don't have to listen to his crap. If he get's physically abusive, hold him back with the metal lid from a large garbage can. If he slugs you really good, rush for aid from someone who won't call the police...you would surely lose him if that happened.

 

Hopefully, when you aren't busy not listening to him being an ass and not being abused, you can have a great relationship.

 

The bright side is men usually mellow in their late 60's or early 70's. Be patient.

 

I still think you ought to leave the jerk and find somebody decent...but I know you don't want to lose him. God help the world if that should happen.

 

P.S. I'll send you a million dollars cash if you'll explain to me why nice ladies like you want so badly to remain with guys who walk all over them and are a real ass to them, as you say...and they don't want to do anything about it that may cause them to lose the guy? I don't have the cash right now, but I would love this answer so bad I'll make a down payment and sign a note for the rest.

[lost and confused]

well sir i think i stay with him cuz hes givin me everything i have ever wanted as in material things...hed never hit me and hasnt in the whole 4 yrs weve bin together, hes just bin an ass recently and its getting on my nerves but i think thats what i get for telling him its too soon to get married...i think hes just hurt because i told him im not ready witch im not, im attracted to him...hes my heart and my sole but its tooo soon for marrige and i just wish hed stop treating me like the ass that he is to most people...i dont know how to get him to stop either and we have talked about it but he didnt notice his actions and he said how can he stop if he hasnt changed but he has and i want him to see this...HELP

The guy treats you like crap and you want to show him it hurts you??? Just what do you think his motivation is, anyway...to make you feel great???

 

Ok, so what I am hearing is that your boyfriend is an ass to you but you don't want to lose him. Would it be too presumptuous of me to assume you have already discussed this with him before taking the issue to the world via the Internet? Ok, assuming you have asked him to treat you with more kindness and respect, the fact that you are posting here tells me he did not comply with your wishes. If my assumption is incorrect, you need to come right out and tell him you aren't going to take his abuse any longer...unless it is a condition for him remaining with you because you don't want to lose him. Why would you think you would lose him if you told him how his actions hurt you? I know you would not date a really stupid guy...so he's got to know this hurts you. Since he keeps doing it, he must enjoy hurting you. Well, I have gotten a lot of crticism in the last day or so for telling people who are in abusive relationships to hit the road, splitsville. That's what I'd like to tell you here. But I'm trying to change my image a bit now...want to save these terrible relationships. So to save this so you can remain with the guy you dearly love who abuses the hell out of you by being a real ass, buy some ear plugs so you don't have to listen to his crap. If he get's physically abusive, hold him back with the metal lid from a large garbage can. If he slugs you really good, rush for aid from someone who won't call the police...you would surely lose him if that happened. Hopefully, when you aren't busy not listening to him being an ass and not being abused, you can have a great relationship. The bright side is men usually mellow in their late 60's or early 70's. Be patient. I still think you ought to leave the jerk and find somebody decent...but I know you don't want to lose him. God help the world if that should happen. P.S. I'll send you a million dollars cash if you'll explain to me why nice ladies like you want so badly to remain with guys who walk all over them and are a real ass to them, as you say...and they don't want to do anything about it that may cause them to lose the guy? I don't have the cash right now, but I would love this answer so bad I'll make a down payment and sign a note for the rest.

[Tony T]

I think it's great that you have decided to stay with a man who is an a**h*** because you expressed your feelings to him. It is the material things that count, of course. You didn't mention that in your original post but I think it's a great exchange...receiving stuff in return for putting up with a jerk.

 

You can look forward to a life of rich and rewarding experiences. Alas you have found a man who reacts in an acceptable way when you communicate how you feel. What more logical way for a man to respond to a woman who loves him and wants to marry him than to become an a**h***. This may be a breakthrough in romance science.

 

Just be very sure you have a written agreement on how you will split all the stuff you get for putting up with the jerk once he decides he's given you enough grief and wants to find another lucky woman on which to bestow it. If he's a real a**h***, he'll want most of it back that's worth keeping.

 

Love and best wishes to you. Glad I could validate your thoughts.

[Tony T]

In my original answer, I offered $1 million if you would tell me why nice ladies like you put up with jerks like this. Well, you gave me one possible great answer. So I guess I owe you some money.

 

While I don't think it was a million dollar reason, it's certainly worth something. And you deserve more for letting this guy walk all over you and be an a**h*** to you than just receiving the piddly stuff you get from him.

 

Wow, your feelings about him changed dramatically in less than eight hours. How is your blood sugar level doing?

[Deejette]

Many people believe that material things are worth selling themselves for and many people believe that love means letting someone walk all over them. But both of the above lead to unhappiness because they do not involve self-respect.

 

There are many forms of abuse, not just physical (where the guy hits you). There is mental abuse, where the guy tries to make you feel dumb, ugly, and worhtless, so you don't have enough self-confidence to go out there and make a good life for yourself and will therefor stay dependent on him.

 

Respect yourself and get your own material things if you need them that badly.

In my original answer, I offered $1 million if you would tell me why nice ladies like you put up with jerks like this. Well, you gave me one possible great answer. So I guess I owe you some money. While I don't think it was a million dollar reason, it's certainly worth something. And you deserve more for letting this guy walk all over you and be an a**h*** to you than just receiving the piddly stuff you get from him. Wow, your feelings about him changed dramatically in less than eight hours. How is your blood sugar level doing?

[lost and confused]

u know hes giving me a lot more then things i can hold...i love him more then anything and he was just being rude and well hes all better now so um yeh we were ina fight and i over re acted thats why i cjanged my mind but we made up and everythings great again....

 

but thanx n e wyas

Many people believe that material things are worth selling themselves for and many people believe that love means letting someone walk all over them. But both of the above lead to unhappiness because they do not involve self-respect. There are many forms of abuse, not just physical (where the guy hits you). There is mental abuse, where the guy tries to make you feel dumb, ugly, and worhtless, so you don't have enough self-confidence to go out there and make a good life for yourself and will therefor stay dependent on him. Respect yourself and get your own material things if you need them that badly.