Longest you have gone without seeing one another?

[HeavenOrHell]

Ok, for *me* it's as hard then, I am finding my 3 1/2 year LDR as tough (on the whole) (there are phases I feel better about it) as losing my partner of 18 years.

In an LDR where you'd made plans to live closer and then it doesn't happen means I lost the future with the person I love.

And the thought of us breaking up when we still love each feels unbearable, which is why I've still not done it.

 

 

One thing is to break up and the other thing is to be in a LDR after living together... Two worlds apart...

When you break up you lose all the future you were suposed to have with that person, you lose your rutine, etc... but you MOVE ON.

When you go from living together to LDR you do not move on, because if you do it means you're not longer together... you do not want to be great because it might mean you outgrow each other...

IMHO...

[Steven33]

Why would your gf go work on a cruise line? She'd make just as much working at a bar. Not exactly career-propelling.

 

She works in the SPA on the Cruiseline, beauty Therapy ect...Been South African our Rand is really weak, so on the cruiseline they earn Dollars, So a 1000 Dollars in converted to rands back in South Africa is R10 000.00 so its well worth it...wont get that in a bar.

[LittleTiger]

Just want to clarify before I come back and respond more.

 

Been together almost 11 months, lived together for 9.

(Inseperable since say 1)

 

I also was in a relationship that started ld. It was military. Months without hearing from him and we were married. Longest time apart was 7 month's.

 

This feels so much different than that did. Different stage in life, reasons, and relationship.

 

All the more reason to seek responses from people in different situations then I would have thought.

 

As I said, the dynamics of the relationship and how it functions are largely dependent on the two people involved, whether it's LDR or RL. How you both handle separation, as well as your reasons for being apart, are important factors in determining the outcome.

 

The second LDR with my exH was by far the hardest for me overall because he was in the process of leaving me - although I didn't know that at the time. Same two people - but a very different LDR!

 

I don't have any first hand experience of military relationships myself but, as I understand it, they fall into a category of their own. A military spouse has no expectation of sharing her/his life on a daily basis so there is nothing to miss or look forward to in that respect. You either accept the lifestyle or you don't. If your relationship with your husband was a good one, then I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out - whatever the reasons.

 

Sorry I misunderstood your current relationship history too, although it doesn't change my response. Based on my own experience, I would say that LDRs are 'easiest' when the relationship is strong and healthy - regardless of the length of time apart.

 

By 'healthy' I mean:

 

- the couple is strongly bonded and 100% committed to their life together, in both the present (LDR) and the future (LDR or RL)

- the individuals themselves are emotionally healthy and have a reasonable level of independence (emotionally and socially)

- communication is open, honest and regular

- both people are trusting and trustworthy (there is no room for insecurity, paranoia or dishonesty)

- there is an agreement about timescales ie where, when and how the LDR is going to become full time RL.

 

PS: I don't think you can call yourselves 'inseparable' under the circumstances, , but if your relationship is that good, you really don't have much to worry about. It's just a waiting game for you. Keep yourself busy for the next 8 months and you'll be just fine.

Edited September 19, 2013 by LittleTiger

[Solcita2]

Guess I have reached that stage, been doing LD for 3months now,6months to go still, wow its tough, sometimes it feels breaking up is the best thing...and just move on, as staying together hurts as communication from her side is not always forthcoming, she works on a cruise line, lived together for two years. After one month of working on the cruise, her best friend became is DJ of the ship, and after me asking questions she told me they would spend nights together watching movies either in her bed or his bed, this after he told her he likes her....so you find this out after been together for 3 and a half years, and of that living together for 2years. So from living together and sharing a bed every night just to find out she is now in someone else's bed or his in hers....I mean single cabin beds for two people??? Long Distance sux!!! and since this has all happened, its neva been the same....but up until then we were doing fine....trust has been broken....

 

Steven... Sorry for the way I will reply but... SHE WATCHES MOVIES IN THE SAME BED THAN HIM?????? Even when they don't do anything, HE HAS FEELINGS FOR HER... AND YOU EXIST... She's not respecting you! And how lond until she gets too horny and have sex with him just because you're not round?

How can you trust her?

She goes away, she doesn't pay much attention to you, she's sharing the bed with someone who has feelings for her... obviously if you two were together in your house this might not happen, HOWEVER, each time you're apart she will behave like this? What's the point?

This will only get worse, you know that, right?