photogirl2006 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I have a counseling session with my husband today...during which I expect either more lies or for him to finally confess all the lies he's been giving me right along. I don't know if I can handle anymore and I wish I had walked away from the beginning...a month ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 If he does lie, I would consider steps of leaving him. You do deserve respect. He is not being a husband in lying to you. If he lies to you in counsel, then consider that he is unwilling to change, and then decide on an end of this marriage. I do feel for you, and hope for something better. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 You're in that moment when marriage counseling becomes divorce counseling. May as well take it where it needs to go. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) If you have evidence, proof, and truth of what happened.... and he lies in session - why not "call him to the ma" about it in session. You got nothing to loose - tell what you know. Try to control your anger (hard) but simply say "I know this and that, why do you keep lying? to protect yourself, protect us, save the marriage? that's only going to end it, I know the truth, so tell me it yourself" What he is lying about specifically? The truth - all of it - is hard to figure out sometimes. Edited September 16, 2013 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Author photogirl2006 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 He is lying about how much money he spent on his mistress...(probably somewhere between $10,000 and $20,000) he lied last week about a trip he was going to take and where (he was going to see her). I have evidence of that and already confronted him. Today I want to confront him during the session about the trip and the money but I'm so nervous. I feel shaky and out of it. I think my body is shutting down or something. I just keep sitting here and staring and feeling sick. ten more minutes to walk out the door. If he lied about all that then he lied about how many times they had sex and so much more. Why couldn't he just tell me all at once. He says "I don't want to hurt your or our son anymore." but he doesn't get that the lies are hurting me just as much as the affair and the initial lies. If you have evidence, proof, and truth of what happened.... and he lies in session - why not "call him to the ma" about it in session. You got nothing to loose - tell what you know. Try to control your anger (hard) but simply say "I know this and that, why do you keep lying? to protect yourself, protect us, save the marriage? that's only going to end it, I know the truth, so tell me it yourself" What he is lying about specifically? The truth - all of it - is hard to figure out sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I have a counseling session with my husband today...during which I expect either more lies or for him to finally confess all the lies he's been giving me right along. I don't know if I can handle anymore and I wish I had walked away from the beginning...a month ago. For me, the continued lying is what made me decide not to reconcile. I might have been able to forgive the affair, but I could not forgive the continued lying. The energy I spent trying to get to the truth just sucked the life out of me. You will know when you have had enough. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Good luck in your MC session... I've yet to find a combination of words that will successfully explain to a WS why lies are so damaging... they just don't get it. It is very rare that one "gets it", and really it seems like it has nothing to do with how the BS explains anything to them. It's all within them, and what they decide to learn on their own. If you are at the point of being physically ill over the situation, it's time to cut your losses and walk away, at least temporarily. You need your health and your sanity. I'm truly sorry for what you are going through and I wish you the strength to get through each day as it comes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author photogirl2006 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Thank you. Some of the lies came out yesterday..some of it wasn't lies but just things he didn't want to tell me. NOw my brain is obsessing over the sex...which I've been avoiding for so long. He had sex with his ex girlfriend... a girl who cheated on him 15 years ago when they dated. Now she cheated on her husband and him on me....my husband has cut all contact off with her. We blocked her numbers from both our phones, he blocked her on Facebook (I watched him do it) We are going to counseling and he is going to see a counselor of his own to get help for his compulsive lying and other issues left over from an abusive mother. He is trying, despite the lies I learned the truth about this past week and he is apologizing and saying he wants to get help for all of this and learn why he is so awful and does these things, but dang...this sucks...I begged him to stop talking to her. I begged the phone calls and texts to stop, but I was weak and never stood up for myself and he slept with her. Yesterday in our session he called it "a moment" ... ugh. Sounds much more than just a "mistake" that he's called it before. Says it happened once, but I don't believe him....I don't know though..he is also a sex camel so maybe it was once. And he isn't considerate of a woman in bed so maybe she made sure it was only once. However, the affair continued with gifts for her and phone calls and texts for another seven months until I found out about it all. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't found out. Link to post Share on other sites
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