Depression & separation

[Lost2013]

I'm so devastated and feel ambushed. Been in my relationship for 20yrs. 4yrs actually married the rest defacto. We have a 10yr old and 7 yr old. My husband has gone into another bout of depression. I believe this is the 3rd time but the only one diagnosed or acknowledged by him. Since the last quarter last year I've known something was wrong but I put it down to the constant pain he was in with a herniated disk in neck. He just wasn't agitated with me, the kids were in the line of fire as well. Also work was a problem too. Just before he went into hospital for the operation he was angry and nasty on the phone. I asked at the time if there was something wrong, initially said he wouldn't talk on phone about it then I asked was there something I needed to worry about and was told no. Anyway he went in for op then came home and was really down when he got home. I asked if he was in pain he said yes so I ushered kids away. He didn't even acknowledge the kids saying hi to him. The next night when I went to hug him he was cold and I said is that it (meaning a better hug) and he said yeah it is. Well it exploded open from there. He couldn't tell me why. Eventually the next day he said his life felt not worth living. Alarm bells went off. A few days latter I managed to get him to a psych under the view of marriage counselling. Well he was diagnosed with severe depression. Anyway it's been months of hell, he hasn't done any further couple counselling, went onto meds, then moved out and has now called it quits a few days going off meds. He says he feels nothing for me. All the reasons for his unhappiness seem fixable and reflect my own issues with the marriage. He still is in the "ALL ABOUT HIM" stage of depression. Is it over. Is it possible he will walk away and once we move away come out of this terrible hole he seems to be in. We will be in separate towns and his work will make it difficult to see the kids. I am so disappointed at his lack of effort. I want to honour our vows and I understand marriage is hard and takes effort and is a partnership in the end. He doesn't seem to realise this. I believe he will regret this but it seems there is nothing for me to do. I've tried to support him but he wont allow me too.

 

Any insight would be great. I'm lost and just worry about my kids and having a very vacant dad in their life.