cat101 Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 O.K I'm new at this but I'm wondering if anyone may have been in my situation bofore, and could give me some input. I'v been married for 18 yrs. We have a son who's 16. He was born with Spina Bifida, and is paralyzed from the waist down. Which has always put some stress on out marriage. ( I'm very protective of our son ) I also work 45 + hours a week managing a fast food restaurant. ( very stressfull ) Well my husband always said I was never in the mood to do anything, and if I would'nt he'd find someone who would. And that's what he did. I caught him having an affair with someone from his church ( we went to seperate churches ). And I threw him out this past June. He immediatly moved in with her and it was war. I filed for a divorce. She turned out to be a player who had a reputation for dating men she could rob, and when she seen he was loosing half of everything she kicked him out. We got back together in Sept. But it appears he was in love with that whore! I guess all the years I spent working my but off, and caring for my son, my "poor" husband felt neglected, and when she came in looking for her next victim he was easy. I do still love him, and I can forgive and move on IF I thought he loved me. But I really don't think he does. He admitted to being in love with her, and I think he always will be. Her kids are grown, she's a bank teller, with no responsibilty at home, and I guess she was able to devote all her time to him. I'm 42 and my husband is 54. I don't know if he's going thru some midlife crisis or something. But I can't keep trying , when the love is gone. Anyone been there ?! Unloved in Missouri Link to post Share on other sites
missopinionated Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Wow. Angry. Some of these problems are yours (working long hours/over protective of your nearly adult son). Some are both of yours (different churches!!! What's up with that?). Some of the problems are his (screwing around with someone, especially someone from his church). You people have lots and lots of issues. You need to detach from your son, who may well be paralysed from the waist down but who is not dead and who has a brain and who can, and will, if you let him, contribute something valuable to his friends and his world. You need to work fewer hours and maybe get a different job. You and your spouse need counseling to talk about how yoru son's condition has affected your marriage -- -and for a long time, to boot, and to find out why he threated to go off with someone else and why you didn't listen to that. You also need to find out why one of the really important parts of your marriage (your faith) is something you do separately. The other woman in this scenario is not really the issue. She may or may not be an opportunist, but you calling her names makes YOU sound like the nasty one. Don't play on that turf. Rise above. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Good advice from missopinionated. I would like to add... ...your husband may actually love you, or at least have a little spark of love that can be rekindled ...when he says he is "in love" with the bank teller, that may be meaningful, or it may just be his way of saying, "Right now, you give me a hard time, and she doesn't" ...your husband probably feels neglected, and men can be very weak and destructive about this kind of thing. It would have been better if he had said "I need more of your time and attention", but would you have listened? ...you have been shouldering a heavy load, with your son's health problems and your work schedule ...declaring war on your errant husband actually hurts you and your son a lot. So please call a truce, no matter where this goes ...please try http://www.marriagebuilders.com, to see how both you and your H can start understanding and meeting each other's needs Painful situation, but you have choices and options. Please choose wisely! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cat101 Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 Thanks you guys !! I really mean that. It's probably going to take me a long time to get past all of this, but with God's help I know I can. And I also know I need to detatch myself from my son, for his sake. I know by doing so much for him that I'm only making it hard for him to be independant. I've been trying to work on that. And we've got to start thinking about college. Things are slowly getting better with my husband. I'm gonna check that website out though! I need all the help I can get. Thanks for your advice guys ! Link to post Share on other sites
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