Why is it assumed average or unattractive women are less likely to turn a man down?

[PJKino]

Whenever you talk on here or other forums about getting rejected alot most people lsay lower your standards and go atfer women who arent that good looking assuming average or unattractive women want to go out with an unattractive man anymore then an attratcive women does.

 

Ive been rejected and alot of times harshly but blah looking women as well,they werent anymore warmer to my flirtiing either just becasue they were no lookers thmeslves did not make them see me in a different light then the hotter women.

 

If im gonna get rejected anyway i might as well get rejectd by good looking women im attracted to,your odds dont increase by hitting on unattractive women

[MrCastle]

Agreed. Some people on here seem to think that there are "leagues" and that you have to stay within them.

 

Nobody actually lives like that in real life. At least I hope not.

 

Go after who you personally find attractive. You never know unless you approach.

 

The only place people actually analyze the level of attractiveness is on here.

 

Women don't actually walk around saying "well, I'd date him, but he's only a 7.5, I'm an 8.5, so I can only date 8.5 and up."

[candie13]

Whenever you talk on here or other forums about getting rejected alot most people lsay lower your standards and go atfer women who arent that good looking assuming average or unattractive women want to go out with an unattractive man anymore then an attratcive women does.

 

Ive been rejected and alot of times harshly but blah looking women as well,they werent anymore warmer to my flirtiing either just becasue they were no lookers thmeslves did not make them see me in a different light then the hotter women.

 

If im gonna get rejected anyway i might as well get rejectd by good looking women im attracted to,your odds dont increase by hitting on unattractive women

 

Totally! I remember getting my fingers burned by a great looking guy- fantastic, really . Said to myself: an average looking guy, great on paper, right age to settle down would be grateful to date a hot chick such as me, he'll treat me like a princess... yeah, guess again.

 

Lesson learnt. So, if I am gonna be treated like shyte, it'll at least be by a man I am crazy about and because I totally enjoy spending time with him .

 

So if you feel like you're settling... guess what, you are, haha!

[mesmerized]

No woman I have ever met on here or in real life uses numbers to judge men on their looks. Cannot say the same for men, both on this site and in real life. I have heard many men in real life talk about women like they are numbers, not people. Men value women primarily for their looks, that's why...

 

So true. It's not even that women don't value looks, it's just that we still respect men enough to not degrade them to an object with just one number describing them.

 

Lesson learnt. So, if I am gonna be treated like shyte, it'll at least be by a man I am crazy about and because I totally enjoy spending time with him .

 

haha tell me about it. Less attractive men aren't really better people, they just lack choices and behave if they have to. They're all the same really.

 

 

As for the original question...Given most unattractive women can't get hot men to settle for them, it's obvious that you're going to have less rejections than you would with women who are obviously out of your league, unless you have a lot to offer aside from looks. If you are very rich for example, you won't have trouble finding hot young women wanting a piece of you.

[MrCastle]

No woman I have ever met on here or in real life uses numbers to judge men on their looks. Cannot say the same for men, both on this site and in real life. I have heard many men in real life talk about women like they are numbers, not people. Men value women primarily for their looks, that's why...

 

Being here as long as I have, I have to say in terms of shallowness, men and women are dead even. I'm not going to lie and say a lot of men don't have a rating system -- but again, I have only seen that online. Mostly in the PUA community. No one in real life (in my experience) gives anyone a number rating, nor do they believe in leagues.

 

The men and women I know in real life have two answers: attractive, not attractive.

 

Different people find different things attractive so there are no leagues.

 

Some men prefer skinny women, some prefer curvy women. Curvy women are in no way better than skinny, just more attractive in the eyes of some, and vice versa.

 

A league would indicate that there is a set ideal body and face type that both men and women are expected to look like, and the closer you are to looking like that idealized person, the more attractive you are. Real life doesn't work like that.

[candie13]

haha tell me about it. Less attractive men aren't really better people, they just lack choices and behave if they have to. They're all the same really.

 

I wouldn't say they lack choices, I'd just say that they have different range of choices, based on how intelligent they are to play their advantages - as you've mentioned, may they be loads of money, career or brains. I agree to one point, though: average looks doesn't mean bigger brain. It only means more insecurities!

 

As for the original question...Given most unattractive women can't get hot men to settle for them, it's obvious that you're going to have less rejections than you would with women who are obviously out of your league, unless you have a lot to offer aside from looks.

 

I don't agree with that . Women with a bit of brain and self esteem, no matter how butt ugly, will always tell a man off, if they feel that he is judging them / labeling them based on their looks and not based on who they are. No matter how ugly or attractive than man is.

 

What I am trying to say is that average looking women are very similar to highly attractive women: they all appreciate flattery. It's just that the object of that flattery might have to differ . And just like with highly attractive women: guys, lose that condescending tone.

 

When it comes to less good looking men, I always say that it's not just looks that makes or breaks their success with women. It's their confidence level and their personality. Balls and brains, basically. I have seen some butt ugly men with beautiful women, and no, it wasn't because of their bank account.

 

I have to admit that life is unfair at one single point, when it comes to men and women. If the most unattractive woman in the bar goes to the most attractive man and shows she is available, that man may go with her, if he just wants to get laid. That will never happen to the ugliest man in the bar and the prettiest woman.

[mesmerized]

I don't agree with that . Women with a bit of brain and self esteem, no matter how butt ugly, will always tell a man off, if they feel that he is judging them / labeling them based on their looks and not based on who they are. No matter how ugly or attractive than man is.

 

What I am trying to say is that average looking women are very similar to highly attractive women: they all appreciate flattery. It's just that the object of that flattery might have to differ . And just like with highly attractive women: guys, lose that condescending tone.

 

You do realize that a looot of women tolerate all kinds of emotional abuse, even men who make them feel unattractive just to have someone, right? We might all appreciate it but doesn't mean we all get it. At the end these women have to settle, for one reason or the other and they usually know their limits and available options.

[candie13]

You do realize that a looot of women tolerate all kinds of emotional abuse, even men who make them feel unattractive just to have someone, right? We might all appreciate it but doesn't mean we all get it. At the end these women have to settle, for one reason or the other and they usually know their limits and available options.

 

you want to know what I see from women around me? Women who settle with emotionally abusive relationships are not unattractive women, it's insecure women. I have this amazingly beautiful friend, who moved continents for her bf, left everything behind, only to find out he had been cheating on her all along. You think she left? Hell no. He eventually hit her. Took her money. Think she left? Think again.

 

All women settle, at some point, but it's hardly ever because of looks. People think it's because of looks. It's not. It's because of their self esteem issues. I dare say it's exactly the same with men, but the reverse of it being true.

 

Men don't settle because of their self esteem issues. Always try to have more or better or different... just my 2 cents, of course.

[MrCastle]

What people call settling, I call being realistic. No one you meet will ever have everything.

 

The person you want to end up with is not the person who fits everything you claim you want, and checks every supposed box you have (because they don't exist), but rather a person who gives you what you never knew you wanted.

[candie13]

that is very vague and unspecific. A lot of men expect to be blown off their socks and that sometimes happens... for a while. But staying with a woman means knowing her and thus, the mystery gets killed. Hence, they start pinning over another woman who would be able to blow them out of their socks. Different, always surprising...

 

It's very dangerous to have unreasonable high expectations from love. You might set yourself for a dire disappointment. Just sayin'...

[MrCastle]

that is very vague and unspecific. A lot of men expect to be blown off their socks and that sometimes happens... for a while. But staying with a woman means knowing her and thus, the mystery gets killed. Hence, they start pinning over another woman who would be able to blow them out of their socks. Different, always surprising...[/Quote]

 

That's a very dark and negative perspective.

 

It's very dangerous to have unreasonable high expectations from love. You might set yourself for a dire disappointment. Just sayin'...

 

So I don't understand what you're saying. To eventually "settle," or not "settle?" And what would you consider "settling" anyway?

[soccerrprp]

It's disgraceful, really. Some think that so-called less attractive people are going to lie down and allow any person in their lives b/c they are perceived as desperate. We all have our needs, wants and that does not preclude those who have more difficult of a time attracting people. It's simply an arrogant position to have....

[MrCastle]

It's disgraceful, really. Some think that so-called less attractive people are going to lie down and allow any person in their lives b/c they are perceived as desperate. We all have our needs, wants and that does not preclude those who have more difficult of a time attracting people. It's simply an arrogant position to have....

 

It's quite disgusting.

 

Like people really say "I am unattractive, so I have to date a loser or else I'll die alone."

[crederer]

Maybe it's your approach. Apparently you get rejected lots. That's fine it happens to most men. How often are you putting yourself out there? Realistically unless you are quite good looking or have decent game (or both), you're going to get rejected more often than not.

 

Don't let it get you down or let it affect your attitude or it'll just get worse.

Now if you're regularly trying to pick up women and constantly getting rejected, it has to do with your approach.

 

Confidence really is the key. Problem with that is you can't fake it, you actually have to have it.

[Phoe]

What people call settling, I call being realistic. No one you meet will ever have everything.

 

This is what I've always believed in, being REALISTIC, but people like to tell me that I'm wrong and it's just me having low self-esteem, low self-worth, and low standards.

 

 

Psh. I still think I'm being realistic.

[crederer]

You have to believe it WILL happen, and if it doesn't then that's their loss because you know you're a catch, and they missed out. Sounds corny but it's seriously so true.

 

Also, you sound bitter man, I dunno if you let that show when picking up but that's not an attractive quality to most women.

[Revolver]

The theory is basically that those women don't get approached/asked out often, and are more likely to have low self esteem so they're "easier" to get that the attractive woman

[candie13]

I guess what I'm trying to say is to just give in to that "love" feeling and throw yourself out there, instead of nit picking . To stop expecting perfection or to be "surprised" or to equal feeling in love to feel extraordinary all of a sudden. Love is a process that takes time, and it happens between two perfectly normal human beings who like each other. Yes, if the chemistry is right, it will downright transform the two, but in time. At the beginning, you don't necessarily hear thunders, if you know what I mean. You need to be patient and attentive, that's all I mean. It can start with just a look or a lost smile, one day, when u cross the street.

 

To me, settling is dating someone, but realizing that you have second thoughts. Understanding that you don't really like your date, but for a strange reason, continuing to see them anyway. You know what is the risk? The more you see them, the more you grow attached to them. And the more attached you get to them, the higher the risk of getting used to them. You know just how annoying is to end up with someone you don't really like? It can never work, it's a bloody waste of time.

 

So I guess my point is: always listen to your gut, when dating. I tried all that BS, dating people you aren't usually attracted to... Bull****. I guess I simply like confident, ballsy guy. I'll never accept to go out with a guy who finds me intimidating. I am done playing down my looks, my outgoing character or my expectations. Screw it, take it or leave it. I sure intend to play by that rule.

[MrCastle]

I guess what I'm trying to say is to just give in to that "love" feeling and throw yourself out there, instead of nit picking . To stop expecting perfection or to be "surprised" or to equal feeling in love to feel extraordinary all of a sudden. Love is a process that takes time, and it happens between two perfectly normal human beings who like each other. Yes, if the chemistry is right, it will downright transform the two, but in time. At the beginning, you don't necessarily hear thunders, if you know what I mean. You need to be patient and attentive, that's all I mean. It can start with just a look or a lost smile, one day, when u cross the street.

 

To me, settling is dating someone, but realizing that you have second thoughts. Understanding that you don't really like your date, but for a strange reason, continuing to see them anyway. You know what is the risk? The more you see them, the more you grow attached to them. And the more attached you get to them, the higher the risk of getting used to them. You know just how annoying is to end up with someone you don't really like? It can never work, it's a bloody waste of time.

 

So I guess my point is: always listen to your gut, when dating. I tried all that BS, dating people you aren't usually attracted to... Bull****. I guess I simply like confident, ballsy guy. I'll never accept to go out with a guy who finds me intimidating. I am done playing down my looks, my outgoing character or my expectations. Screw it, take it or leave it. I sure intend to play by that rule.

 

I agree with all you just said. I think when most people talk about "settling," as was the case in this thread -- the focus is physical.

 

Like "I won't date someone who has/doesn't have X"

 

Expecting flawless, physical perfection -- in addition to a flawless personality.

 

In other words, the perfect person. Someone who doesn't exist.

 

Notice a lot of people who have what they call "high standards" (see, 'unrealistic') are perpetually single. Because they are holding out for an ideal.

 

Yeah, of course if we all had our way, we'd date the supermodel or (if female) jock with the rocket scientist brain, heart of gold, and no bad habits. But that person doesn't exist.

 

You should decide what your absolute deal breakers are, and work from there. And those deal breakers should be mainly personality based. Personality flaws or lifestyle differences you feel you can't accept. Then, try to find someone you find physically attractive who already fits the personality mold.

[candie13]

Notice a lot of people who have what they call "high standards" (see, 'unrealistic') are perpetually single. Because they are holding out for an ideal.

 

You should decide what your absolute deal breakers are, and work from there. And those deal breakers should be mainly personality based. Personality flaws or lifestyle differences you feel you can't accept. Then, try to find someone you find physically attractive who already fits the personality mold.

 

funnily enough, my issue may be the fact that I didn't have my standards high enough. Too nice, too goodie goodie. Well, if I don't stand up for myself, nobody bloody will.

 

Any you hit a nerve with those deal breakers. I guess my newest deal breakers are: insecure, compulsive white liars, commitment phobic men. Did I say insecure? I guess I did, haha!

[Robert]

Let's swing this topic back ON topic, thanks

[Scales]

Well if we are being on topic, something should be said as too why. Case in point, aiming for less attractive mates opens your pool of potential matches. You should continue to aim for high ones as well, but some guys think they won't get rejected by less attractive women because they are more desperate. Also, I would argue there is such a thing as "leagues" or "tiers" if you will. Is it 100% in stone, of course not? But physical shape, looks, and hygiene mean a lot. If you see couples, you often see two people who look relatively similar with body shape -minus the really tall big guys with short thin girlfriends.

 

I have yet to see a guy who is fat and balding with a girl who is in her 20s with a slim body. Unless this guy is paying all her crap, its just not possible unless it is an extreme outlier that should be statistically ignored. She has much more value than him, for her to date him is settling to the point of devaluing herself. People won't do that to themselves. Guys need to have certain criteria before they are consistently successful with women, otherwise they fall into the category of often rejected. Women have the same thing except with being approached by fewer men who are typically worse looking.

 

Why is it that in a nightclub you see men going for women who are fat and tipsy. Because they are highly likely to put out without rejecting because their options are low. The guy knows that and attempts to pick up what others ignore. Less attractive people have less options which means less competition to whoever chooses to chase. Overall, its easier if you are really just trying to get some no matter what.

[Candace325]

I completely agree with you!! I am a single mom (strike one) who is plus size (strike two) and very, very picky about who I date. It's suggested that I should be willing to date any guy who is respectable and accepting of my "situation". Um, NO. I will remain single or I will date men who I am really into. Lowering your standards just seems so desperate.

[carhill]

Why is it assumed average or unattractive women are less likely to turn a man down?

 

Somehow, society has brainwashed people into assuming those members who appear to have less social status and/or power should be more accepting of what little attention comes their way. Perhaps it's part of the attention-hoarding dynamic of popularity. For guidance, watch how socially powerful people dismiss the less powerful out of hand. It's quite interesting to observe. Social training. Some people buy into social norms and dynamics. Others don't. Everyone is different. Assuming anything about a person can often provide unexpected results. If one likes the unexpected, assume away.

[SJC2008]

"Why is it assumed average or unattractive women are less likely to turn a man down?"

 

I've never heard that. One one hand you may think it's true as they may not have a lot of suitors but IMO they get hit on the same amount as attractive women if not more becuase they're more "attainable". I've seldom met a woman who was average or below who had problems finding men.