Supremely Unhappy at College

[snowman4839]

I started going to a state college last year and I was very unhappy. I got great grades because school had never been hard for me and joined a smaller fraternity on campus to keep me social. I hated last year minus a few fun things. I hated the dorm I lived in because I had loud neighbors, paper thin walls, a useless RA and it was generally dirty. My frat didn't really do much for me since we were small, didn't have a house, and most of the people were like me. Met a good bit of guy friends through it though. Went to a few parties which were emotionally draining and stressful but still somewhat fun.

 

The only highlights of freshman year I can think of were moving out of my awful dorm, hanging out with a losing my virginity to this girl one of my friends from back home introduced me to, and getting good grades.

 

My first thought for my sophomore year (now) was to live in a nicer place with a good friend I had from back home. First thing he did was rush and join a big fraternity. He tells me all about how great it is and about all the girls and parties and stuff. Now we have parties and whatnot but it's usually with all the same girls or girlfriends. He met like 3 girls in his first like 2 weeks here, is talking to one and lost his virginity with another. Now I'm happy for him and all but all I really feel is jealousy. He's had a better 2 weeks than I had all my freshman year. Now I keep telling myself it's because better with girls, is in a big fraternity, and is in an easier major (I'm in engineering, he's not). I don't know what it is but I'm always under the impression that everyone is always having a better time than me or I'm doing something wrong. Also when people tell me about stuff like their success with women, I always forget any and all of my own successes (if there are any relateable ones) and immediately assume they're better than me at it.

 

I don't know what it boils down to but I'm just so unhappy in general. All I feel is what a failure I am socially (especially with girls). This wasn't much of a problem for me in high school. Had a couple of friends through most of it and I never really gave any thought to caring about having lots of friends, then the second semester of senior year I got a taste of a big group of friends where I liked all of them and they all liked me. That was the best summer of my life because of that. Then I got to start all over when college hit and that sucked a lot.

 

The things I like to do work for me but they're very specific or they're very non-social. I LOVE cars, computers, and music. I can't do much with cars because you have to find a very specific group of friends for that which don't include girls 98% of the time. Computers are very non-social and male-dominated. The only social way I can think of music would be playing to crowds (which I'm not really good enough for) or a concert (which I've never been to) but concerts don't really seem like a place to meet people.

 

I seem to have this thing with girls where I only attempt to learn more about them if they demonstrate something impressive. Like with that girl from freshman year, the first time I met her, she was in short shorts and a skinny tank top working under a car. She had me easily. But other relationships I've had with girls when I was younger have just come through spending enough time in the same room as them (i.e. high school or mutual friends) to learn enough about them to start conversing with them.

But after all that, I feel like a failure because I don't talk to girls here at school. It's not a fear of talking to them, I've talked to pretty girls for no reason before, but it's just that I don't think they'll be what I want. And on top of that, girls are incredibly sparse in engineering.

 

I think I can pretty easily admit I have low self-esteem. I used to be a fat 215lbs. Then I dropped to 170lbs and started working out. Now I'm a pretty solid 215lbs. I don't know if the idea that I was unattractive when I was 215lbs never left or what but I've never felt good about myself physically.

 

I don't know if this was a rant or a cry for help or what but has anyone every felt this way and does anyone know how to fix any of this?

Edited May 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed link

[Pompeii]

I've been there. Except I didn't hook up with any chicks. For two years. I'm in my third year now, but I'm going out of the country soon so whatever. I tried for the first two years of my college career to crack the attraction secret when it came to girls. I couldn't do it. I saw my friends hooking up left and right, ****ing girls, getting relationships. Then it pissed me off. I went to parties. I went to bars with fake IDs. I tried honing my skills. I didn't work. I contemplated ending it all, just saying **** it. Then, I saw the heavens part. I saw a light come down and bless me with the gift. The gift of mastery. I would not be able to be like my friends and get girls but I could reach the pinnacle.

 

I knew then I was destined to climb to the top of Mount Olympus. I was destined to be a god. Since then, I have been honing my skills in various areas, all to achieve mastery.

 

I started working out in December. When I first started, I was 152 lbs at 6'3. Now, I am 169 lbs. I want to max out at 200 lbs by the time I finish college. I go 4 times a week without fail. Rain or shine. Sickness or not.

 

Since you work out, you may have heard of Zyzz. He was my inspiration to start working out. He was skinnier than a twig when he first started and he died as a slab of rock. He had a motivational video and he said "you can be a sick cunt if you wanna be". It stuck with me. You can be an awesome guy if you want to be. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone and I knew if he could do it, so could I.

 

But at least you hooked up with a girl freshman year. I couldn't even do that.

 

Here's the motivational video:

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I'm 3 years out of undergrad. Nothing beats college, my friend. Nothing.

 

Just go out and hit on girls man. Hit on everyone you see. Have fun.

 

College is awesome. You can drink a lot, have a hangover, and you still have the energy to go hard the next night and/or study. Plus, you don't know how much the real world sucks yet (even if I tell you, you don't know).

 

Damn, I miss college!

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I've been there. Except I didn't hook up with any chicks. For two years. I'm in my third year now, but I'm going out of the country soon so whatever. I tried for the first two years of my college career to crack the attraction secret when it came to girls. I couldn't do it. I saw my friends hooking up left and right, ****ing girls, getting relationships. Then it pissed me off. I went to parties. I went to bars with fake IDs. I tried honing my skills. I didn't work. I contemplated ending it all, just saying **** it. Then, I saw the heavens part. I saw a light come down and bless me with the gift. The gift of mastery. I would not be able to be like my friends and get girls but I could reach the pinnacle.

 

I knew then I was destined to climb to the top of Mount Olympus. I was destined to be a god. Since then, I have been honing my skills in various areas, all to achieve mastery.

 

I started working out in December. When I first started, I was 152 lbs at 6'3. Now, I am 169 lbs. I want to max out at 200 lbs by the time I finish college. I go 4 times a week without fail. Rain or shine. Sickness or not.

 

Since you work out, you may have heard of Zyzz. He was my inspiration to start working out. He was skinnier than a twig when he first started and he died as a slab of rock. He had a motivational video and he said "you can be a sick cunt if you wanna be". It stuck with me. You can be an awesome guy if you want to be. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone and I knew if he could do it, so could I.

 

But at least you hooked up with a girl freshman year. I couldn't even do that.

 

Here's the motivational video:

 

Zyzz died at like 23 from a drug overdose, I believe. Not exactly the best role model.

 

PS: OP, you don't need to work out to get laid. I'm short AND scrawny and I owned in college. Didn't belong to a frat either.

[Pompeii]

I'm 3 years out of undergrad. Nothing beats college, my friend. Nothing.

 

Just go out and hit on girls man. Hit on everyone you see. Have fun.

 

College is awesome. You can drink a lot, have a hangover, and you still have the energy to go hard the next night and/or study. Plus, you don't know how much the real world sucks yet (even if I tell you, you don't know).

 

Damn, I miss college!

 

"The real world" only sucks for those who don't make something of themselves.

 

Zyzz died at like 23 from a drug overdose, I believe. Not exactly the best role model.

 

PS: OP, you don't need to work out to get laid. I'm short AND scrawny and I owned in college. Didn't belong to a frat either.

 

Zyzz died at 22. From a congenital heart defect. In a sauna. He lived more in four years from when he started working out than most people do in their lives.

 

Also, if you want to get laid you need to be either attractive or you need to work out. There is no other. Especially in college. If you have both, you play college on God mode, like many of my friends do.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

"The real world" only sucks for those who don't make something of themselves.

 

Sorry, but you are really showing your age here.

 

I have a high paying job with significant status. Unfortunately, in today's world, this means that I work nonstop.

 

I'm currently starting an online business to get away from all that. I will gladly take "not making something of myself" over what I'm doing now.

 

 

Zyzz died at 22. From a congenital heart defect. In a sauna. He lived more in four years from when he started working out than most people do in their lives.

 

Good for him. I'd take a longer, slightly more uneventful life over dying THAT young.

 

Also, I'm sure the massive amount of steroids didn't help his congenital heart defect.

 

Also, if you want to get laid you need to be either attractive or you need to work out. There is no other. Especially in college. If you have both, you play college on God mode, like many of my friends do.

 

Really? Should I just negate all of my life experience then?

[Pompeii]

Sorry, but you are really showing your age here.

 

I have a high paying job with significant status. Unfortunately, in today's world, this means that I work nonstop.

 

I'm currently starting an online business to get away from all that. I will gladly take "not making something of myself" over what I'm doing now.

 

Each to his own, but college isn't the utopia some say it is.

 

 

 

 

Good for him. I'd take a longer, slightly more uneventful life over dying THAT young.

 

Also, I'm sure the massive amount of steroids didn't help his congenital heart defect.

 

The only reason he died from taking steroids is because he had that heart defect. I'd much rather die inspiring thousands of people to go work out because it is possible to overcome ****ty genetics than not.

 

 

 

Really? Should I just negate all of my life experience then?

 

You've frequently said you're facially attractive, so your opinion in this matter is irrelevant.

[SuperGeek]

Posts and other research about Zys shows he wasn't just on steroids either. He did cocaine too and also used DNP for fat burning (very dangerous stuff). Cocaine alone is responsible for a lot of heart problems.

 

The steroids were probably the healthiest drug he was on compared to the stimulants he was using. It's hard to say though for sure. There aren't many human trials with steroid use because it's banned in the US and most of the world (unfortunately). Lots and lots of people do steroids though and they aren't dying off, which leads me to believe the illicit stimulants he took were the main cause.

 

Good for him. I'd take a longer, slightly more uneventful life over dying THAT young.

 

Also, I'm sure the massive amount of steroids didn't help his congenital heart defect.

Edited September 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[SuperGeek]

Sadly a high paying job or wealth doesn't really guarantee success with the females either. I'm in my 30s and virtually retired and I still struggle in the dating world. Women just have a lot of options these days and a lot of guys they can choose from. Competition is very high.

 

A lot of women make their own money now too, so a guy having a decent paying job is okay, but does that set you apart from the rest of the 50-100 guys they have hitting on them? Probably not. The internet has made it possible for men to evaluate thousands of guys sitting on their couch, which is a giant leap even from the early 90s when women had a much smaller dragnet of guys to choose from. My neighbor (25 yr old female, attractive) has literally 250 emails a month from dating sites from guys. That's just one dating profile too.

 

Welcome to being male in the post digital age.

 

I have a high paying job with significant status. Unfortunately, in today's world, this means that I work nonstop.

 

I'm currently starting an online business to get away from all that. I will gladly take "not making something of myself" over what I'm doing now.

[Phoe]

Also, if you want to get laid you need to be either attractive or you need to work out. There is no other. Especially in college. If you have both, you play college on God mode, like many of my friends do.

 

I don't believe this at all.

 

 

None of my ex's worked out in the slightest (short and scrawny!) and were below average in looks.

 

 

They obviously did just fine in getting laid!

 

 

OP - I can understand the jealous feeling, watching people around you excel at something so effortlessly... it's not fun.

 

 

But you gotta change your mindset. To me it sounds like there's an inherent unhappiness in you that would not change if more girls were in your life. You gotta make a conscious decision to be happy. Force yourself to be happy. Tell yourself you're not allowed to get down about girls and parties. It seems stupid but when you make a point of forcing yourself to be happy, your mindset changes, become overall more positive.

[SuperGeek]

While I agree with your advice here, it is much harder for guys now to compete. It's pretty normal for me to get rejected at least 6-10 times before I even score a first date with a girl. Yeah it's that competitive now. Also women are more independent now and more picky in what they want so I'm often sent back out to the dating world again after two or three dates.

 

For you as a female it's MUCH easier for you to give this kind of advice when you look the way you do and you have a boyfriend already, and likely guys lined up that are interested who'd date you in heart beat. I don't even have to get out the psychology books to prove to you females have it so much easier in this regard.

 

What you said is still true though, but you can't possibly understand how it is for average guys now. As men we have to endure the majority of the upfront rejection. We have to make the first move, we have to ask you out on dates, we have to eventually propose engagement. All of these actions require us to put ourselves on the line for rejection.

 

The internet and feminism has shifted the roles in favour of females.

 

But you gotta change your mindset. To me it sounds like there's an inherent unhappiness in you that would not change if more girls were in your life. You gotta make a conscious decision to be happy. Force yourself to be happy. Tell yourself you're not allowed to get down about girls and parties. It seems stupid but when you make a point of forcing yourself to be happy, your mindset changes, become overall more positive.

Edited September 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Posts and other research about Zys shows he wasn't just on steroids either. He did cocaine too and also used DNP for fat burning (very dangerous stuff). Cocaine alone is responsible for a lot of heart problems.

 

The steroids were probably the healthiest drug he was on compared to the stimulants he was using. It's hard to say though for sure. There aren't many human trials with steroid use because it's banned in the US and most of the world (unfortunately). Lots and lots of people do steroids though and they aren't dying off, which leads me to believe the illicit stimulants he took were the main cause.

 

Steroids in and of themselves aren't bad, but many of these guys vastly overuse it. That's where the issue comes in.

 

True, I did find articles about cocaine use, but I didn't want to bring that up here. Yes, cocaine is a common cause of heart attacks (which is most likely what he died of) among young people that do a lot of cocaine.

[Phoe]

For you as a female it's MUCH easier for you to give this kind of advice when you look the way you do and you have a boyfriend already (and likely guys lined up) who'd date you in heart beat.

 

What you said is true, but you can't possibly understand how it is for average guys now. As men we have to ensure the majority of the upfront rejection. We have to make the first move, we have to ask you out on dates, we have to eventually propose engagement. All of these actions require us to put ourselves on the line for rejection.

 

Who cares what my gender is? Who cares what I look like?

 

 

I am equally as capable of understanding what it's like to feel unhappy, and came here to give positive encouragement.

 

 

Don't tell me my advice or positive words are meaningless because I'm a girl. That's ridiculous.

 

 

Also, stop making assumptions. I do not have a boyfriend, can't get one, and have a very hard time getting dates.

 

 

So yes, I actually DO know EXACTLY what it's like. And I'm sorry for being crabby but I am just so sick of getting exactly what you told me shoved down my throat every day on this forum. It's insanity -.-

 

 

OP - I stand by what I said. Making a positive mindset change is the most beneficial thing you can do. Because being unhappy in college is a miserable thing. Don't let that happen to you.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Sadly a high paying job or wealth doesn't really guarantee success with the females either. I'm in my 30s and virtually retired and I still struggle in the dating world. Women just have a lot of options these days and a lot of guys they can choose from. Competition is very high.

 

A lot of women make their own money now too, so a guy having a decent paying job is okay, but does that set you apart from the rest of the 50-100 guys they have hitting on them? Probably not. The internet has made it possible for men to evaluate thousands of guys sitting on their couch, which is a giant leap even from the early 90s when women had a much smaller dragnet of guys to choose from. My neighbor (25 yr old female, attractive) has literally 250 emails a month from dating sites from guys. That's just one dating profile too.

 

Welcome to being male in the post digital age.

 

Agreed.

 

As I said, most people with high paying, high status jobs work A LOT (even people with their own businesses will spend a few years breaking their a**es to get it up and running). For me, personally, that has been a downfall with women.

 

After working 60 hours in one week, I really don't have an interest in putting in work to chase girls. When I was in college, I cleaned up because I had a lot of free time.

 

Also, it doesn't help that most bosses have ridiculous expectations these days and they make things unnecessarily stressful.

 

And, yes, girls really don't care if you have a good job and make good money. After all, it's not about how much money you make. It's about how you make them feel.

[SuperGeek]

Yes, this is so true. This is why I stopped dating for the most part. I've lost the ability for a woman to feel good dating me. Not sure what it is, but probably trust issues from my last major relationship.

 

So until I can figure out what is wrong I'm pretty much screwed. My only option now is an escort or just dying alone. if I have to pay for it, then so be it... that is better than me trying to BS some girl.

 

Pompeii, you got your whole life ahead of you so enjoy your 20s and don't worry much about what girls want. What they expect now in your 20s is far far easier (with less expectations) than what they want when you get my age (30s). Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

 

And, yes, girls really don't care if you have a good job and make good money. After all, it's not about how much money you make. It's about how you make them feel.

Edited September 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Yes, this is so true. This is why I stopped dating for the most part. I've lost the ability for a woman to feel good dating me. Not sure what it is, but probably trust issues from my last major relationship.

 

So until I can figure out what is wrong I'm pretty much screwed. My only option now is an escort or just dying alone. if I have to pay for it, then so be it... that is better than me trying to BS some girl.

 

Pompeii, you got your whole life ahead of you so enjoy your 20s and don't worry much about what girls want. What they expect now in your 20s is far far easier (with less expectations) than what they want when you get my age (30s). Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

If you look young enough, you can date girls in their 20s.

 

This is a better idea anyway. Most girls that have never been married and are in their 30s are either career women (with severe control issues) or have tons of baggage (kids, emotional problems, etc).

[ellowmay]

Op you should move to nm or someplace with a good art/nerd community. The people are more interesting and they will love cars, music, and computers, guaranteed. Also, try not to follow a shallow path, it sounds like your unhappiness is telling you that all of that fluff and stuff your friend has in his life is not what is going to fulfill you. Find some good deep, artistic, smart, nerdy, funny people to surround yourself with. Maybe they're not at the frat.

[Pompeii]

Posts and other research about Zys shows he wasn't just on steroids either. He did cocaine too and also used DNP for fat burning (very dangerous stuff). Cocaine alone is responsible for a lot of heart problems.

 

The steroids were probably the healthiest drug he was on compared to the stimulants he was using. It's hard to say though for sure. There aren't many human trials with steroid use because it's banned in the US and most of the world (unfortunately). Lots and lots of people do steroids though and they aren't dying off, which leads me to believe the illicit stimulants he took were the main cause.

 

I forgot to mention that. He did a **** ton of drugs at festivals, especially coke. Steroids aren't that great for you in the long run but there's been guys (like Arnold) who were on them for years before getting off of them and they're fine now. Zyzz just unfortunately had a heart problem. There was literally a ticking time bomb in his chest. It's a shame it was him, though.