So Happy- yet Alone too?

[UKRN]

My boyfriend and I (20's) originally met four years ago in the UK, at his parents GP practice as colleagues, and we liked each-other instantly as friends. We were both in relationships at the time, so just started getting to know each-other on Skype last Nov when we realised we were both single.

 

Since then it's been amazing and we're completely in love. We told our families we were "an item" in Feb and his were ecstatic and warned him never to hurt me-(as a joke) as I was "a Special girl". Anyway, he lives in abroad Europe for uni mostly, so when we hooked up we were already doing the LDR thing. This Summer he's been home (UK), staying with his family and we've been both doing the 3hr journeys to see each-other every other week and I get on famously with his family. I feel so in love and comfortable with him 99% time- and we understand each-other so much, it's like we've been together for years (not just 9mo). We've privately talked about careers, marriage, children, cars, homes (down to preferred décor!) and we understand each-others morals and respect them. We have the same University topic interests, enjoy gaming together, reading together, and are very passionate and intimately connected.

 

It's just "sometimes"- he can unintentionally make me feel really isolated and shut off when I'm apart from him, but I think I'm being pathetic over it?...

1) Txt Messages being short and sharp, rather than taking time to answer my texts like "how was your day" "Yeah Gd". As if he doesn't want to talk?

2) Message kisses- my heart leaps if there's 3 (xxx) but daily x is lovely. When there's nothing for multiple messages- I wonder if he's bored of txting me? *ALSO*- a female Uni friend (abroad) Always text's him with course stuff constantly- even if it's things he knows- and ends every time with xxx. I've calmly told him that it's weird, and unjust, and that she obvs has the feelings for him, but he pronounces his love to me and says it means absolutely nothing to him. He agrees it's an odd thing but that's it.

3) I suppose I'm insecure too because he didn't tell me when asked at the very start of our relationship that he dumped his other gf's because he "got bored"...so inevitably got drunk/ cheated on them (x3). He opened up about this truth 6mo into our relationship with tears streaming down his face- worrying that I'd think badly of him, that I wouldn't love him like I used to and that the thought of losing me made him feel physically sick as he lay facing away from me on the bed ashamed... I comforted him, and reassured him I thought no little of him, but we must remain true and honest with each-other. We were both relieved, but I was upset about the exposure to this one trait/characteristic that doesn't suit him!

 

So, the whole kisses on the end of his messages to me sometimes makes me think- "is he getting bored of me/ is he being a lad and not noticing the x meaning thing and I'm being hyper-sensitive??"

 

Any replies would be greatly appreciated! Xx =)

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, I think you're being hyper sensitive and looking for things to worry about, my partner has never put xx on the end of his texts.

But it is a worry he's a serial cheater as he doesn't have the courage to break up with someone when he wants out >because he "got bored"...so inevitably got drunk/ cheated on them (x3).< This would make me very wary.

Hope you made it clear that he needs to tell you if there is ever a problem.

 

 

My boyfriend and I (20's) originally met four years ago in the UK, at his parents GP practice as colleagues, and we liked each-other instantly as friends. We were both in relationships at the time, so just started getting to know each-other on Skype last Nov when we realised we were both single.

 

Since then it's been amazing and we're completely in love. We told our families we were "an item" in Feb and his were ecstatic and warned him never to hurt me-(as a joke) as I was "a Special girl". Anyway, he lives in abroad Europe for uni mostly, so when we hooked up we were already doing the LDR thing. This Summer he's been home (UK), staying with his family and we've been both doing the 3hr journeys to see each-other every other week and I get on famously with his family. I feel so in love and comfortable with him 99% time- and we understand each-other so much, it's like we've been together for years (not just 9mo). We've privately talked about careers, marriage, children, cars, homes (down to preferred décor!) and we understand each-others morals and respect them. We have the same University topic interests, enjoy gaming together, reading together, and are very passionate and intimately connected.

 

It's just "sometimes"- he can unintentionally make me feel really isolated and shut off when I'm apart from him, but I think I'm being pathetic over it?...

1) Txt Messages being short and sharp, rather than taking time to answer my texts like "how was your day" "Yeah Gd". As if he doesn't want to talk?

2) Message kisses- my heart leaps if there's 3 (xxx) but daily x is lovely. When there's nothing for multiple messages- I wonder if he's bored of txting me? *ALSO*- a female Uni friend (abroad) Always text's him with course stuff constantly- even if it's things he knows- and ends every time with xxx. I've calmly told him that it's weird, and unjust, and that she obvs has the feelings for him, but he pronounces his love to me and says it means absolutely nothing to him. He agrees it's an odd thing but that's it.

3) I suppose I'm insecure too because he didn't tell me when asked at the very start of our relationship that he dumped his other gf's because he "got bored"...so inevitably got drunk/ cheated on them (x3). He opened up about this truth 6mo into our relationship with tears streaming down his face- worrying that I'd think badly of him, that I wouldn't love him like I used to and that the thought of losing me made him feel physically sick as he lay facing away from me on the bed ashamed... I comforted him, and reassured him I thought no little of him, but we must remain true and honest with each-other. We were both relieved, but I was upset about the exposure to this one trait/characteristic that doesn't suit him!

 

So, the whole kisses on the end of his messages to me sometimes makes me think- "is he getting bored of me/ is he being a lad and not noticing the x meaning thing and I'm being hyper-sensitive??"

 

Any replies would be greatly appreciated! Xx =)

[ThisGal]

The cheating thing would make me alert. If he can cheat on his exes he can cheat on me. He not only cheated once (which is one too many) but 3 times! Makes him an untrustworthy person. But people change, however, his tears would not be enough assurance for me. He would need to prove to me he can be trusted. He should stop communicating with his classmate, he knows how uncomfortable that makes you feel and if she keeps calling him then he should say "listen, I'm sorry I

m not interested. I have a girlfriend." He should respect your feelings.

 

Anyway, regarding the "xxx" ...he may not know how serious you take it. Just say "hey, where's my 3 x's back :)" then he'll know you want it lol. My b/f and I send <3 hearts to each other after most texts. Looks silly to others I'm sure but I adore them. He's always telling me how he feels.

 

Also, I despise rash text messages. Yes, we all get busy sometimes and we have times where our messages must be brief, however, if you text him "how was your day?" and his only response is "Yeah Gd" then we have a problem. It's too careless and he doesn't ask you how you're doing also. Where's the care? Communication is everything in all relationships, especially a long distance one. I would say communication and trust are everything.

Edited September 18, 2013 by ThisGal

[FitChick]

Texts are rubbish. How often do you speak on the phone?

 

Does that other woman know you are his girlfriend? Maybe ask to meet her when you visit. That should put her in her place if she has any ideas.

[UKRN]

Hey thanks guys,

 

It's given me a new perspective- which has helped!

 

I am going to see him in October, so I can't wait to meet this other girl and see what her "game" is.