blueberry13 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I must say this is still going on and it bothers me..I've addressed it with him but I feel work and building relationships is the half truth and excuse. We are in our 40's and my husband travels for business. He is in Europe right now and goes out to eat and then is out in clubs until 4 am. This seems to never end with frequent business trips. Is it so understandable that I am uncomfortable with these late hours in the trendiest, expensive hotspots? he calls and says , we are having one more drink and then going back to hotel but then its hours later he calls to say goodnight and I could tell how much he was drinking. I don't want to be naive as I have already caught him with an inappropriate text message to someone he met out in a bar and some other lies. My gut feeling hasn't been good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Not appropriate, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I must say this is still going on and it bothers me..I've addressed it with him but I feel work and building relationships is the half truth and excuse. We are in our 40's and my husband travels for business. He is in Europe right now and goes out to eat and then is out in clubs until 4 am. This seems to never end with frequent business trips. Is it so understandable that I am uncomfortable with these late hours in the trendiest, expensive hotspots? he calls and says , we are having one more drink and then going back to hotel but then its hours later he calls to say goodnight and I could tell how much he was drinking. I don't want to be naive as I have already caught him with an inappropriate text message to someone he met out in a bar and some other lies. My gut feeling hasn't been good. Your instincts are sound, this very thing is discussed in another thread about clubbing but with the opposite sex. Is the clubbing because his business partners set it up, it seems to be that way by what you said above with the half truth statement? I only ask because it makes it a bit harder for him; however, i do not know his character which could be the just opposite and he uses it as cover. I have a few examples where i had to go against the grain a bit for business. They booked strip clubs when hosting my company and i did not like it and would request changes. The hardest though was in Japan where we were hosted very graciously and each had our own girl, the whole thing was setup from a private club to being entertained by these girls through the next day. That was tough to get out of without causing disrespect, which i think was unavoidable anyway. I digress... If you have caught texts and lies before i would say you have even more cause for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberry13 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Thank you for your post. The other business guys are quite a bit younger and they do make the recommendations because they know the types of places he likes to go/as do they. He often sets things up and his partners go along. I suppose guys can go out until late hours and have innocent fun. But doesn't feel right when you are married with kids. He has turned into a party guy lately. Yes, if I didn't see he exchanged numbers with someone and texted the girl the following year when back in her state, and has often lied about going to bed and trying to check when I'm going to sleep and then stays out much later, as well as the lying about strip clubs (which he says all guys lie about) - I would feel more trusting. (He said he has only gone to the all nude strip clubs once a year for the past 7 years without me knowing)He is very good looking and arrogant... I just hate feeling insecure when he is away. Bachelor parties are always coming up, it's always something that he waits until last minute to mention to me....when do we get to grow up? I have no proof of cheating so I don't ever want to assume that but he always has a great explanation for anything...he is also a lawyer lol I'm sure he would feel uncomfortable with me being away drinking in clubs until 4 am but I have to accept bc it's work... If ever I go out with friends to a nice dinner somewhere I come home at a reasonable time. He also has a big boat he takes to various destinations on guys fishing trips... Again, I understand what you were saying. SOmetimes in business, men are put in situations and hopefully if you have a good guy, he's just there but not participating in the opportunities... Link to post Share on other sites
IAmRobot Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 He is very good looking and arrogant... Well seemed like your husband picking wasn't the best, was it? Was he a party guy when you got with him? If so then why expect him to tone it down? You should have never gotten with this guy to begin with IMHO. Doesn't sound like someone who is concerned about your feelings or you in general. Go out looking for another husband. This marriage is as good as dead. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I must say this is still going on and it bothers me..I've addressed it with him but I feel work and building relationships is the half truth and excuse. We are in our 40's and my husband travels for business. He is in Europe right now and goes out to eat and then is out in clubs until 4 am. This seems to never end with frequent business trips. Is it so understandable that I am uncomfortable with these late hours in the trendiest, expensive hotspots? he calls and says , we are having one more drink and then going back to hotel but then its hours later he calls to say goodnight and I could tell how much he was drinking. This part doesn't seem like much of an issue unless you two have some mutual agreement not to go out late or go to clubs. If he's on business travel and behaving himself, I don't see why he shouldn't stay out as late as he wants. (Nor should you have to come home by a curfew.) The hour he gets back to the hotel doesn't actually have any tangible affect on you. It's not like you're waiting on him to serve dinner or go to bed. If he wants to cheat on you, he can do that at noon or 10pm. He doesn't have to wait until after midnight. I don't want to be naive as I have already caught him with an inappropriate text message to someone he met out in a bar and some other lies. My gut feeling hasn't been good. But this part is an issue. He shouldn't be getting any kind of contact from women (I assume, you just said "someone") he meets while out. No matter what the content of those messages, that's inappropriate. He crossed the line. He's not just having innocent fun, and as a consequence, he should lose his fun-having privileges until you're satisfied that you can actually trust him (if that ever happens). He needs to shape up or you should walk. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Thank you for your post. The other business guys are quite a bit younger and they do make the recommendations because they know the types of places he likes to go/as do they. He often sets things up and his partners go along. I suppose guys can go out until late hours and have innocent fun. But doesn't feel right when you are married with kids. He has turned into a party guy lately. Yes, if I didn't see he exchanged numbers with someone and texted the girl the following year when back in her state, and has often lied about going to bed and trying to check when I'm going to sleep and then stays out much later, as well as the lying about strip clubs (which he says all guys lie about) - I would feel more trusting. (He said he has only gone to the all nude strip clubs once a year for the past 7 years without me knowing)He is very good looking and arrogant... I just hate feeling insecure when he is away. Bachelor parties are always coming up, it's always something that he waits until last minute to mention to me....when do we get to grow up? I have no proof of cheating so I don't ever want to assume that but he always has a great explanation for anything...he is also a lawyer lol I'm sure he would feel uncomfortable with me being away drinking in clubs until 4 am but I have to accept bc it's work... If ever I go out with friends to a nice dinner somewhere I come home at a reasonable time. He also has a big boat he takes to various destinations on guys fishing trips... Again, I understand what you were saying. SOmetimes in business, men are put in situations and hopefully if you have a good guy, he's just there but not participating in the opportunities... IF he has a say so in setting up business social hour, then you need to put your foot down and set some ground rules. My business gatherings were hosted by our clients and not by us. The Japanese firm for example set up the vip club and so on. I am in my late 30's with 3 kids and do not have a desire to go to clubs period and to do anything until 4am especially on a business trip. If his company is doing the planning then they should be better at it. How could they get work done going to bed a 4am+? He waits until the last minute to avoid hearing any possible complaint from you. Set some rules, your feelings and wishes count just as much as his in your marriage. My last post, i simply wanted to point out that business trips where the company plans the social event causes issues and overrides at least it did for me to keep office politics at bay and respecting the wishes of my clients. I am not saying you should not worry, if it were my wife, i would be all over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberry13 Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 I hear your message loud and clear. I appreciate your perspectives. Communication is in order and I hope he can understand my feelings...he gets very defensive.... Time will tell Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Nothing wrong with the guy cutting loose til 4am. I'd suggest not being the naggy wife. However, whatever you saw on that text message is the real concern, from what I read. Link to post Share on other sites
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