Honest conversation.

[solostand]

I am going to state outright that I love my MM and I believe very strongly that he loves me.

 

He has been married 35 years. Been with his wife 45 years. He is almost 65. I am almost 50.

 

Our affair started off as EA but became physical. We met in A.A. so we are addictive personalities, and of course we became addicted to each other. We have been together for one year.

 

Yesterday, he told me his wife got drunk Friday night and accused him of having an affair. He said she said "if you are thinking of doing it - DONT. And if you are doing it - STOP." He said she said no one else can look after him, because she has done so for 45 years.

 

Yesterday, he told me this news. He told me that he didn't think we shouldn't have a physical affair anymore but he cannot imagine his life without me in it. He wants the full-on EA, though. Everything exactly the same. He did the same thing the last time she expressed suspicion and our lack of physical affair lasted ONE DAY.

 

Well, we had a huge blow out (or I did, he just ducked and tried to deflect the blows). I said he was just a typical pos who wants his dick wet with nme and wants his mommy at home. Not to underestimate my rage, I even called his house and she answered the phone. I didn't give a ****. I cried and ranted and raved at him.

 

Today, we spent the morning together. He said when I gave him the mommy line, he shuddered, because it is actually TRUE.

 

That is exactly what he wants, someone to look after him, to care for him if he's sick, feed him three meals a day, do his laundry, and me to meet his emotional needs.

 

I said I know because this is what men are like.They all want mommies. He said he doesn't have the BALLS to leave and I said I know he doesn't because if he did have balls, he would.

 

But yet, I believe he loves me. No, I know he does. Oh yes, some may recall my rage last week when he threw my wildflowers away - well, today he arrived with a bouquet of the same kind of wildflowers.

 

He says I haunt his mind all day and all night long to the point that he finds himself praying to take me out of his head. There really isn't anything this man would not do for me EXCEPT PERHAPS LEAVE HIS WIFE!

 

Anyway, we actually had a very honest, open discussion about what is true. Men are babies. He is scheduled for surgery next week and he said he worried that if his wife could not look after him for some reason, could he hire me for $700 a week? I said for f*** sake I would look after him for free.

 

Men. Babies. That is all.

[ladydesigner]

Anyway, we actually had a very honest, open discussion about what is true. Men are babies. He is scheduled for surgery next week and he said he worried that if his wife could not look after him for some reason, could he hire me for $700 a week? I said for f*** sake I would look after him for free.

 

Men. Babies. That is all.

 

Yep and his BS gets to make all of his health decisions, should it come to that. I think that might have been a more honest discussion. Is he getting divorced?

[Cali408]

Solostand, I 100% agree he loves you. You make him feel young, attractive, vital. You rejuvenate him, and he loves that.

 

And you're right, he wants her to take care of him and you to rock his world. With both his life is complete. He feels like a king and gets everything he wants.

I don't blame him, it was the same for me.

 

But, it is not healthy for you or his wife. You are having meltdowns. You are calling his house. You understand addiction and admit that you two are co-dependents. Not good.

 

He wishes to get you out of his head. That's a statement that I would be mad about. There is your big red flag that he will never leave, no matter how bad you want him to. It's more addiction than love.

 

And it's hard when you are not left alone. You do well and they come back. And love is selfish. He loves what you bring to the table and misses you and the attention you provide. You love that even though you are number 2 he treats you like your his best girl when its convenient. Do you want all of someone or part?

[Quiet Storm]

Men like him are babies. Not all men.

 

What do find attractive about him?

 

He loves you. I see so many posts where OW describe MM as weak, cowardly, confused, indecisive. Then they say "but he loves me".

 

Why is the love of these MM so valuable?

 

OW will list all his unattractive traits, OW will live with confusion, hope & pain day in and day out. And then say "But he loves me" as if that makes it all worth it somehow.

 

His love is not that special, and I hate for women to waste so much time before realizing that.

[solostand]

Of course I want all and I know that will not be him.

 

I know after 45 years he will not leave his wife. I also know that I make him feel young again. He has said many times that he feels like a 15 year old with me. That kind of stupid puppy love. I feel it too. He has said he has not felt this type of love before. i am no virgin, big girl and all that. . .been around the block a few times myself.

 

We are co-dependent, but in many ways he is more honest with me than with his wife. In the sense that I know more about what he is thinking and feeling, secrets he is hiding from her. Not healthy.

 

I also know (but dont think he does) that his wife does not just THINK he is having an affair, she probably knows he is. I found it interesting that when my number showed up on the phone - she did not phone it. I mentioned that to him, because in the past, when I phoned him, she would always phone the number back. She has seen my number on their phone many times now and I think she is probably in evidence gathering stage.

 

 

It is what it is for the moment but I am planning to aggressively open myself up to dating opportunities with available, age appropriate men. I know I should just end it and take time to get over it but it leaves such a void in my life. I also do love the guy.

 

I know we will be sleeping together either tonight or tomorrow morning. That is how long this alleged no sex will last. When we left this morning we left with a passionate kiss.

 

One of my biggest fears is that he will die and I will have to mourn in silence. That would kill me.

[imfine]

How was his romantic trip to the 5 star resort with his wife over the weekend? I bet there was a whole lot of "caring" for him going on. Not trying to take jabs at you. Just trying to remind you why you should not excuse his choice to use you for side action. You are worth so much more than a weak man that needs a mommy at the age of 65.

[solostand]

He is also pretty careless in the sense that he actually came to a wake with me as my boyfriend and met people he KNOWS there, and who know his wife, but he felt it was important to support me through the death in my family.

[solostand]

H

How was his romantic trip to the 5 star resort with his wife over the weekend? I bet there was a whole lot of "caring" for him going on. Not trying to take jabs at you. Just trying to remind you why you should not excuse his choice to use you for side action. You are worth so much more than a weak man that needs a mommy at the age of 65.

 

Well it wasnt a romantic trip, per se. They belong on the board of directors of a company and the company meeting was at the five star resort. This is where she got drunk and accused him of having an affair before she passed out. He was also sick all weekend and said he was praying on the drive to take me out of his head.

[solostand]

One more thing: We were friends for a long time and and long before we ever started ea or pa he told me that his marriage had died of neglect, he had thought many times of leaving, but he was afraid to be alone.

[ladydesigner]

One more thing: We were friends for a long time and and long before we ever started ea or pa he told me that his marriage had died of neglect, he had thought many times of leaving, but he was afraid to be alone.

 

What a coward:sick:

[harrybrown]

If he will cheat on his wife with you, he might also tell you lies.

[solostand]

Oh yes, he is a total conflict avoider. Apparently I scare the crap out of him when I get angry to the point that he is desperate to make it stop.

 

Backstory: Mommy abandoned him as a baby and ran off with another man. nuff said.

[truthbetold]

 

Men. Babies. That is all.

 

No, your MM = baby. Your man picker is very broken, find out why.

 

One more thing: We were friends for a long time and and long before we ever started ea or pa he told me that his marriage had died of neglect, he had thought many times of leaving, but he was afraid to be alone.

 

And you should realize that he stuck the knife it that. I have no idea why you would find a guy like this remotely appealing. Blames others for his choices and is a baby to boot. Figure out why you want to aim so low. And please don't say "love". This spineless, selfish coward doesn't know zip about love.

[solostand]

If he will cheat on his wife with you, he might also tell you lies.

 

Of course he will tell me lies, usually they are more along the lines of trickle truths, but I am not gullible and will get the truth out of him by calling him on his bull. He ends up telling me the truth.

[Cali408]

Well Solostand, you know what you're getting into. Date him as long as you have no expectations and can keep your sanity. Aggressively date others and don't compare them to him.

 

If you can emotionally handle it, it's a good plan. But you can't get frustrated with him.

 

I'd love to have my AP at my beck and call and she didn't date others and my wife was at home for me. When that was going on, from a complete love standpoint it was the ideal situation. Once I had to manage the AP, manage the wife, manage the sneaking, it became more stressful. People aren't robots and are hard to manage.

 

Find someone new and dump him before he dumps you.

[MissBee]

Men like him are babies. Not all men.

 

What do find attractive about him?

 

He loves you. I see so many posts where OW describe MM as weak, cowardly, confused, indecisive. Then they say "but he loves me".

 

Why is the love of these MM so valuable?

 

OW will list all his unattractive traits, OW will live with confusion, hope & pain day in and day out. And then say "But he loves me" as if that makes it all worth it somehow.

 

His love is not that special, and I hate for women to waste so much time before realizing that.

 

Every OW should read and re-read this and attempt to answer why the "love" of such a person is worth it.

[solostand]

Every OW should read and re-read this and attempt to answer why the "love" of such a person is worth it.

 

Well of course you get only one side of the equation.

 

The real reason I love him is because we have the same sense of humor, we enjoy the same hobbies, we have a lot of interests in common, we are both really bright and have intellectual conversations, he is kind to people, he has done actions that show he loves me, he has compassion and empathy for other human beings, real empathy and compassion, he is non judgemental, and I can be 100 per cent myself around him and he thinks my personality is just the Cats meow. In other words, I dont have to pretend Im something i am not.

 

Hell, no one is perfect and he has bad qualities but many good ones also. I have quite a few insane qualities myself, but he accepts them and says thats what makes me so entertaining.

 

Everyone I know that has met him like him immensely because he is genuine and kind. I know of not ONE person who does not like him. Im sure there are people but he is not an *******, like my ex husband was. Everyone hated him.

 

So hes flawed. At least he admits it.