flight E Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I will suffer if I must but I will queitly doo it alone Link to post Share on other sites
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 NC is the best way to move forward. You cant do that if someone is still hanging around in your life, even as a "friend". I'm the opposite. I think how can they want to be friends. In my mind its selfish. Its like they dont want to be with you, but in keeping contact it gives you false hope that they will change their minds. And I do think that most people want to stay friends to keep you hanging around, so they know whats going on with you, to ease their guilt in dumping you...not good. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Wrong. Dumpers have plenty of conscience. Dumping you is a good sign of that, they don't want to lead you on. Most of the time, it's about them -- most dumpers do it out of selfishness and not because they care about you and don't want to lead you on (though some do). But in most cases, they were already leading you on for a long time before breaking up (possibly from the very start, as in my case). They just don't want the hassle anymore, and want to go off and chase after other *ss, guilt-free. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nancy87 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 It is because they turn INDIFFERENT! coz ur existence doesn't matter anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Honestly guys, does it really matter why? I think we just as a community got to put our energy and thoughts into our selves rather then worrying about someone who doesn't love us or want to be with us. As much as it hurts me, my ex not contacting me anymore since I went NC is the best for me. They had their chance for me to care and put effort into towards them, and now they lost that right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) You are so bitter and jaded, with such a victim mentality, I don't know how you get out of bed in the morning. How is that bitter? I'm just stating the obvious. I didn't say all dumpers are like that, but most do it because it doesn't work for them anymore. It's not rocket science. Dumping is a unilateral move. If they cared so much about you and this wasn't a selfish move, they could've talked to us about it and tried to put some effort into fixing whatever "problems" they thought there were -- instead of making such a unilateral move. Most of the time, this is out of the blue, but in most cases, it's never really out of the blue: they knew it for some time, but kept stringing you along, because they didn't have the balls to break up with you (again selfish). You seem to be someone who has done a lot of (selfish) dumping. I wouldn't be surprised. It's totally in tune with your (selfish) multi-dater personality. My ex breaking things off was the best thing he did for me. But it doesn't mean he did it because he cared about me so much. He wanted to have things on his own terms. To dump me when he wanted, to discard my friendship offer when he wanted, to get back in touch with me when he wanted, etc. This was never about me, and giving me any space, letting go of me so that I can find someone else, etc. Edited October 6, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 In my experience many dumpers are very immature in how they go about dumping. Let alone it would not have to happen if they would actually talk to their gf/bf about things. Actually try to make it work instead of just saying "I'm not happy, I'm outta here". Which happens more than not. In my case had sick family members, was stressed over dealing and helping take care of them. I did not focus on myself and my anxiety. I was not myself at all. My head was spinning all the time and could not focus or concentrate at all for the last 10 months year... It had not bothered me in a long, ling time as I always took care of it. I was really bad. Did not know it as once you lose yourself back into it you don't know as you can't focus on anything. I was not the best to my gf. SHe knew something was wrong, did not know what. I became the opposite of myself. Weak, needy, clingy, suffocating. thoughts would just pop into my head for no reason. I would freak out on her for no reason. Turned out that was my way of telling someone please help me according to my therapist. She did not understand and just started ot become distant and it made me worse of course. To say the least she left and wants nothing to do with me. I tried to explain to her that I am now realizing finally what has been going on and told her I would be getting better and be myself again soon Her reply was to dump me say the meanest things to me and tell me I am glad you are going to be better but it does not change anything. This coming from someone who was always there for me and I was always there for her. Now just all cold towards me and gone. have not heard form her for 3 weeks now. guess all the crap I did for months finally got to her and turned her totally off of me. I did not even know what I was doing then, now that my mind is finally slowing down I am starting to remember things and feel awful. I feel so badly about what happened but also angry that she won't even give me a second thought knowing me and who I am. to me it's complete bull**** if someone is sick that you throw them out like garbage, like they don't even matter to you at all... Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 No there not! Or we would all still be with our high school sweethearts.. I ... don't see how being mature, having a conscious is mutually inclusive to this point / this has to be true for the quoted premise to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
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