Shes 42 and I'm 30

[s3141377]

So, simply talk to her about sex, is she interested, stop guessing.

 

I do not necessarily believe in sex before marriage, that's why I am a virgin.

 

My relationship perspectives are clearly not the norms of general society, but of religious conviction. (in particular biblical based Christianity.)

Edited September 24, 2013 by s3141377

[Babolat]

I do not necessarily believe in sex before marriage, that's why I am a virgin.

 

My relationship perspectives are clearly not the norms of general society, but of religious conviction. (in particular biblical based Christianity.)

 

Well, I think she should know this before you go on a date, and she, or you, or both, developed stronger feelings for each other. You've know her for 6 months as a friend and this has not cvome up yet? That just seems strange to me...what do you guys talk about?

[s3141377]

I so want to tell her in the best possible light.... but I'm afraid of rejection:(

 

My dates organized... ggggsss i fall in love too easy.....

[mea_M]

I so want to tell her in the best possible light.... but I'm afraid of rejection:(

 

My dates organized... ggggsss i fall in love too easy.....

 

Better to be upfront. I realize that rejection can hurt, but if your not up front and this drags along more feelings will be involved and then the whole situation becomes that much harder. Good luck.

 

Mea:)

[s3141377]

OK.. the date got cancelled on her end ,so i had to rescheduled..

 

Since then I found out ....

 

Her age is actually 40 ... which fine by me.

[lollipopspot]

I don't think 10 years is that huge of a gap. I don't even think 12 years is that huge of a gap. That's not a generation gap.

 

The heart wants what it wants, as Woody Allen says.

[OnlyHonesty]

OK.. the date got cancelled on her end ,so i had to rescheduled..

 

Since then I found out ....

 

Her age is actually 40 ... which fine by me.

 

What did she say when she cancelled, what were her exact words and did she ask you to reschedule?

[Phantom888]

Is this a small town where everyone is related? How can there be such a small circle by coincidence? Make sure she is not an aunt. You don't want to be dating a close relative.

[Tayla]

I like that the OP is seeking beyond the "age" factor. Sorry but short of plastic surgery we is all gonna wrinkle, get grey, some bald, most loosing our teefers and many of us at any given time in life, be diagnosed with a condition that impedes a relations...So with that in mind....Love is blind to that and simply says...Enjoy, be delighted and share in the offerings ....

 

My hats tipped to this gent for being more open minded and willing to appreciate the "person" of interest without casting all the stereotypes into the mix.

[ray.alb]

In what way were you saving yourself sexually for religious reasons? Are you waiting to get married? If so, this woman may really be the wrong choice. However, if you actually are prepared to forget about that, it could end up being a great choice. And 10 years isn't such a big difference.

[LuvsTrucks2]

 

you have to take the age as a significant factor in the relationship......but

realize age is not a reason why relationships fail......probably rarely is it

due to age of the people in the relationship....but more values and beliefs and

the ability to work through things that happen......

 

I agree with this. STBXH and I are 12 years apart, he is my junior at 34 and I am 46. Age was never an issue until about two years ago when a lot of life changing events started to happen. He didn't want to have to think about retirement, etc.

[FitChick]

In what way were you saving yourself sexually for religious reasons? Are you waiting to get married? If so, this woman may really be the wrong choice.

That's more of a problem than age, in my opinion.

 

When I was 40 I would never have dated a 30-year old. Too immature (him, not me). Now that I am older, a ten-year age gap is nothing and most men I date are ten or more years younger. If anything, I am the immature one if you take life experiences into consideration.

[spiderowl]

I can't advise you but I have been in a similar position to the woman you like. A guy 10 years younger than me seemed interested. He was a lovely guy too and I really enjoy his company. He did smoke occasionally though which bothered me.

 

That aside, I did think about the possibilities because he's a great guy and I could do with a guy like that in my life, someone I could really care about and enjoy being with. I felt uneasy though, because:

 

- I felt I'd be depriving him of the possibility of meeting a woman his own age and he could have children. It didn't seem fair to do that when I had my children already

- I felt even if we did get together, he'd still be tempted by the above, i.e. a younger woman - I didn't want to get hurt!

- I knew I would start to look older fairly quickly and although guys thought I was about 15 years younger than my real age, I knew it wouldn't last then he might feel betrayed

- I'd heard horror stories about guys marrying older women and then dumping them after 10 years or so for a younger model

- I thought maybe he was mainly interested in sex and the relationship would be a secondary factor that he would lose interest in pretty quickly

 

I still like this guy but things have become awkward between us now. He doesn't know I liked him. He knows he liked me and that I put him off, despite his 'hints'. He's a sensitive character so probably feels mistreated now and I think has 'moved on'. I missed a chance but then again, if he had met a younger woman and left me I'd have been devastated. I took the safer option.

 

I mention the above to show what might be going on in her mind. She may well leave you to make the first move, but if she doubts you will be with her for long (despite your current feelings), she will be afraid. From what you say, she would be right to be cautious as you seem uncertain yourself.

[s3141377]

Hi Spiderowl, thank you for your insightful viewpoints regarding your dilemma.

 

I haven't been updating this forum /blog for the past month, but a lot has happen since. But firstly I want to address a few points in this particular reply.

 

Spiderowl, it seems there are a lot presumptions of what one might do, think and say in the future. From one perspective I can understand the logic that the relationship might end in heartbreak, however on the flip side, you could be limiting yourself from a fulfilling relationship.

 

But yes, it seems you’re in a similar situation to mine, with a few exceptions she has no children and she has never been married. Her thought pattern most likely would be similar to yours , (i.e. such as this guys too young for me and might leave me in the future and so on...)

 

Personally speaking I would like to openly discuss these topics with her but it’s difficult to determine the appropriate moment.. At present my situation is still un-conclusive.

 

My Situations at present:

 

Last month I asked her out for dinner on a Thursday night, to which she responded by inviting me! out to dinner with her group of friends!!??. I politely clarified my position and said "I was hoping it would be just you and me and if you’re not interested I understand." She then responded and said "perhaps another day" to which I said "great! How about Friday or Saturday Night?" to which she said "How about Saturday Lunch"...me: "ok, I'll pick you up at 2pm, I have nice place for lunch in mind.”

Her: "Great!, as I'll be coming from elsewhere, tell me where it is and I'll meet you there?

(At this stage I was curiously puzzled why the lack of trust, she'd seem reluctant for me to pick her up. She seemed to be fine with me picking her up on other associations, However, I decided to play along and meet her on her own terms)

Me: Great I'll meet you at so and so restaurant at this time?

Her: sounds good

A day before she cancels on me because of the Superbowl equivalent being on and said she had a bbq... (I new there was a massive sport day on that everyone would be watching, however I didn't give a **** about sports because I was so keen on her)

However she did say "how about next week?"

To which I said, "That’s fine, let me know when your free?"

(Since she kind of changed her mine a few times, I wasn't going to suggest another day.... and left it up to her)

 

After 7 days had passed and I had heard anything... She randomly saw me and approached me at a bar, and to cut a long story short, she was all over me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, (i.e flirting, touching me every few seconds, invading my personal space, following me around etc) I thought to myself great!!! This persons still interested!!!...(I even asked my mates (girls and guys) for clarification who happen to see her with me and they said " yeah, she looks totally into you")

 

So I asked her out again at the start of the week.

Me: How.. "hey how you going? Are you free to do dinner this Friday/Saturday at ...." She like: Sorry I have a birthday this Friday and Saturday got a dance social.

Me: I'm like cool, How about coffee sometime this week? When are you free?

She Like: "I'm super tired, I don't even know what day it is. Until tomorrow good night." (she started a new job during this week but seriously not enough time for a coffee, was most certainly a bull**** excuse) so at this stage I felt quite offended because she wouldn't give me an opportunity to even meet up and chat.

 

So I ignore her feeling quite pissed and heartbroken. So I ignore here for a few week until I saw her out again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[s3141377]

Look..... I can go on and on about the details off each event... however in summery this is how I feel at the moment"

 

 

• Totally in love with her.
  
• Marry her and try to have family asap.
  
• Sign a prenuptial agreement if she was worried I wanted her for financial befits.
  
• Love to me isn't just an emotion either. To me its a decision to be with someone for life... even when the sexual flair fades and she looks as old as my mum in 14 years time.
  

[jimloveslips]

I do not necessarily believe in sex before marriage...

 

Yeah, for everyone else, but now you've got a hard-on all that's out the stained-glass window...

[s3141377]

4&5 are enough reason for me not to do this.its messy

messing with exes of freinds and family.

 

Well the situation is particular dicey with a number of unplanned coincidences to say the least, however I can live with the consequences. To say you can't get into a relationship with someone because they were previously somebodies ex or where in some way associated with friends of yours, in my option is ridiculous.

[todreaminblue]

i wish you well, ultimately what si important is how the both of you feel, if you are united.....no one and anything they say will have an affect..the constant cancelling though needs to be a thing of the past.........best wishes....deb

[devilish innocent]

I read through the older posts thinking it wouldn't hurt to ask her out and give her a shot. Then I got to your more recent posts. Right now, I think you really need to go. You and her just far too different in your values. You're dreaming of committing your entire life to her; she can't even commit to one date! She may have been hanging all over you because she was looking for a fling. In that case, your values about sex would be very different as well. You guys are on different wavelengths, and she's behaving very flaky. I think it's time for you to give up on her.

[s3141377]

I read through the older posts thinking it wouldn't hurt to ask her out and give her a shot. Then I got to your more recent posts. Right now, I think you really need to go. You and her just far too different in your values. You're dreaming of committing your entire life to her; she can't even commit to one date! She may have been hanging all over you because she was looking for a fling. In that case, your values about sex would be very different as well. You guys are on different wavelengths, and she's behaving very flaky. I think it's time for you to give up on her.

 

I hear what you are saying and would be perfectly fine to move on, however the issue is there hasn't been a clear line of communication between us. She or I, haven't broken our silence on how we both feel about each other.How do just come out with "I like you and want a relationship and was wondering if that what you want"?

 

Our values, ides and worlds might be different, but why can't there be an open and honest discussion about these issues? I just can't accept interpretations of body language and indirect assumptions to be a valid reason to just walk away.

 

The ideal line of communication is face to face. I won't settle with any other type of communication....it just doesn't feel right to message or call...because my entire heart is riding on this.

 

and for those of you that haven't read my passed post, I have asked her out a number of times but they're just too few and far between. Does anybody have any constructive advice?

 

The suspense is killing me!!! Its actually worse than a possible rejection.

Edited November 10, 2013 by s3141377