Something Special Ended 'Supposedly' Because of Long Distance

[swirly27]

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I have one for you all, so maybe someone can shed some light for me. I went and joined one of those online dating profile things and I did it for fun with a friend. I wasn't expecting to actually meet someone but if I did, I knew they would be more interested in maybe starting something then meeting someone out at a bar.

 

 

I met this guy and we started emailing and the next thing I know, we are emailing everyday for about 2 months and also talking on the phone and texting for hours at a time. We finally decided to meet and our 1st date was very nerve-wracking but we hit it off and planned a 2nd immediately. It seemed we both were excited about this even before our first date, cause we talked about so many things and how we thought of each other constantly and gave each other butterflies, but I knew that was partly fantasy-land talk and we needed to meet to see how it panned out.

 

 

The following 6 weeks we met each weekend and talked every single day in one way or another. The kicker was that we lived 1 hr 45 minutes apart. I must admit that the distance was a little bit of a safety net for me at first cause normally I go thru a 'freak out' period with a new guy cause I don't get attached easily and when a guy starts acting over interested, I sometimes freak, but I didn't with him. He opened me up to talk about everything and nothing, constantly asking questions about me and my life, as I did with him. He would call all the time and text all the time, sweet things or just to say hi, and I began to open up and be that way too. He would joke around all the time about a future and how we clicked on so many levels and he was always very eager, excited and respectful, complimentary and of course the physical attraction was there too.

 

 

I went away on a business trip and he acted a little funny during that week. Almost a little insecure, but it was kind of cute in a way, I don't know. We got together that weekend and I questioned why he acted funny. he didn't want to talk about it and said it was just a bad mood but I wouldn't drop the subject. He ended up saying that the distance was becoming a problem for him and we talked about it for hours. I was so upset because I had felt sooo happy and had thought 'Could This Be The One?' and I even may had started falling for him. He took a couple days to think about it and said what he thinks is best if we remain in touch and still see each other from time to time, but just as friends, because he thinks if we continue to date, we'll only get more attached and then the distance will be an even bigger problem. I just don't get it!!! If we dated and fell for each other, then one of us could move. I guess I am most confused because he was the one who seemed so into EVERYTHING. He talked about me meeting his family, I met most of his friends and the whole nine yards, so if we clicked and it was great, why take a chance throwing away something possibly special over distance??? I am just very hurt by this and don't know if I can just be his friend now. It will hurt to see him and we have talked quite a few times and it even hurts to do that, but I don't want to lose him completely either. Anyone been thru this type of thing before???

[Naive]

Maybe the relationship ended up not being so special to him as it was to you. If he really cared h e would have not let that get in the way. There are people that live farther than 1 or 2 hours and the make it. My sister dated someone who lived 2 hours away and she is now living with him, they have a baby and are engaged to be married in April. I think he realized that you were not the one for him.

[swirly27]

I also thought of that as a possibility and I know it could be a very good one. Its just weird to me because that week that I was away and he acted weird, he acted insecure, not distant. He wanted me to take off a day that week to prolong my trip down and I couldn't and he seemed very bummed and then he was asking me if I was just in this for something to by my time or if this seemed like a long term thing to me, and I said long term. Up until the day we had 'the talk' he was telling me how he really wants me to meet his sister and even called her that night about it. So, its all very confusing. He has been calling each week just to chat and keeps suggesting ways to maybe meet up, but so far nothing has panned out. Who knows, its just all weird. He just kept emphasizing that the distance was a problem and it seemed would only get worse. I don't know.

[flowergirl]

Hey Swirly:

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, I'm going through the same thing, except with someone from Guatemala. We dated for six weeks, then he said he has to go back because he has to take care of his recently widowed mother back home, and we can't be together because he's leaving the country next year. We just have to realize that these people are just full of excuses and move on. I know it's hard. I fought like crazy to stop the breakup from happening, but if someone doesn't want you, you just have to accept it, and that is the real reason, not whatever else they may say.

[Gottabestrong]

HI Swirly,

 

when I read your story the one thing that came to mind was 'Commitment phobia'.

 

I read quite often that a sign of CP is the person coming on really strong in the beginning (talking about a joint future, wanting you to meet his family and friends, telling you how special you are and how happy he is he has found you), but once you start to open up and react in a similar way, they disappear again.

 

Could that be the situation in your case? Read up on CP, there is lots of info about it on the net and even on loveshack itself.