opposite sex - communication

[lovebug102]

hi everyone - i am sure you all can relate to this huge game of bluff we call male female relationships.

 

are we going to call or get called?

 

well, I am invloved inone of these kind of relationships.

 

This guy and I became friends 1 1/2 years ago when I had a crush on his roommate when we were on an internship in fl. Soon we grew close as we mutually realized his roommate lacked some good qualities to put it mildly. He asked to be put on assignments to work near me and we became close friends and spurred many rumors that we were romantically involved. One night our manager wanted to move us and then said to a girl that was working "Oh, I fogot you can't separate the love bugs - I'm afraid that if I separate them they might make a popping sound" Well, anyway, we just laughed off the rumors and he seemed to enjoy them as much as I did. We are both young and sort-of free spirits - we have lots of friends and like to go out and have fun and be young.

 

Well we have kept in touch for over a year after the internship ended. We talk like once every two weeks at least and he has asked several times to come visit but we haven't been successful bc I always put it off - in order to lose weigh tor get my hair done,etc. - I think I am putting it off bc I am afraid of getting serious or getting disappointed that he doesn't feel the same as I do.

 

He invited me to go back to fl , but I declined. He is staying w a mutual friend and having fun. He called me once and said he'd call me when he got back, but the friend called me and said he's been talking abt me a lot and said I am beautiful and that he misses me a lot. This is cool, but one night he got v. v. drunk. He asks the friend abt me - "She loves me doesn't she - I know she loves me - that's okay - I love her too" and emails me (barely readable but that's okay) saying that he loves me and knows I love him too and that I am cool and that's why everyone loves me and that he misses me and wishes I were there etc. But he was really drunk and this is not to be taken seriously but I am just not sure what he wants to come of this. What should I do? How should I react? Should I wait for him to call like he said he would or should I email him back? What should I say? The only advice the mutual friend gives me is that we are both denying our feelings even though we know we are in love bc we are scared or committing so soon when we are so young and still have another year of college! I am not sure how to respond and my main concern is preserving my closeness and friendship with this fabulous, beautiful, amazing, funny, exciting, sweet, special and unique person. What do I do? I've never felt this way before and I am not ready to give it up - but I am also not sure either one of us wants to be serious. I just don't understand what to do? thanks so much!

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I am not sure how to respond and my main concern is preserving my closeness and friendship with this fabulous, beautiful, amazing, funny, exciting, sweet, special and unique person. What do I do?"

 

This is the language of love, babe. You are in love with this guy big time...admit it. I'll wait a second for you to come right out with it......................................................................................................................Ok, now that we have that out of the way, what to do next. You know damned well he loves you too, admit it!!! I'll wait a second or two for you to come right out with that one as well...you know he loves you, right?..................................................................................................................Ok, now we have that cleared up as well.

 

The next thing is we have to do is answer that Email. Yes, just because the two of you love each other you still sorta have to play a little guessing game. Send him an Email but don't refer to the one you got from him that he wrote when he was drunk. Don't refer to any of its contents. But sort of very remotely hint that you got it...in some way...you figure it out. Just enough language to make him start thinking you read it.

 

In this Email, you will be your usual self. But you're going to have to figure out a way to go see him...or see if he will come see you. Tell him in the Email that you want the two of you to get together. See if he wants to come visit you...or whatever.

 

Hey, this is love. You can't just kiss this deal off. You have to go for it. No chance for rejection. You know darn well he really cares about you. This isn't rocket science.

 

So, from here you can go to your Email client and write him a nice letter...no mushy stuff...and no reference to his Email. Then go to one of those discount air travel websites and price what it would cost you to go see him. The next holiday I think is President's Day or something...maybe Lincoln's Birthday. Sounds romantic as hell to me.

 

Yeah, it's unfortunate us guys have to get drunk sometimes for our feelings to pour out. Admitting we love somebody is very scary. But if women would just sauce us up a little bit, no telling what we might tell them.

 

So don't wait for him to call. Write him now. But if you refer to the specifics in his Email, he will be embarassed. If he asks you about it later, just tell him you remember receiving an Email from him but you didn't really have time to concentrate on its details because you were in a hurry. He'll know what's going on.

 

The decision to talk about the contents of the Email is, of course, yours but as a guy I think I might even back off a bit if the details were brought up...especially if I was bombed out with alcohol when I wrote it. Totally up to you.

 

Invite us to the wedding. And, yes, your heart will slow down in a few minutes, don't worry.

[Ace]

I agree with Tony. He is very right. He took all of the good advice so I am going to give you a little more. As a college student, I have gained a great deal about drunkeness. If he emailed you, telling you that he loved you then it is very true. He was just too scared to say it when he was sober. Your true feelings come out when you are drunk and we all know what this guy is feeling. I have said some things while I have been drunk that I would NEVER say when I was sober and after my friends told me I said it then I thought about it and knew that is was definately true.

 

Listen to people when they are really drunk. If you can sort through all of the gibberish, you will gain alot of insight as to what they are truly feeling. You may think that this is stupid, but I truly believe you can find out ALOT about a person if you simply ask them the right questions when they are really drunk.

[Deejette]

Don't be afraid of love. Love is a good thing. The way the worrying human mind works is, no sooner than we have a good thing, than we start worrying about how it could go wrong, instead of enjoying it (I'm too young, too fat, he's too young, etc.

 

Be happy that you have such a great relationship and don't bother playing games.

I agree with Tony. He is very right. He took all of the good advice so I am going to give you a little more. As a college student, I have gained a great deal about drunkeness. If he emailed you, telling you that he loved you then it is very true. He was just too scared to say it when he was sober. Your true feelings come out when you are drunk and we all know what this guy is feeling. I have said some things while I have been drunk that I would NEVER say when I was sober and after my friends told me I said it then I thought about it and knew that is was definately true. Listen to people when they are really drunk. If you can sort through all of the gibberish, you will gain alot of insight as to what they are truly feeling. You may think that this is stupid, but I truly believe you can find out ALOT about a person if you simply ask them the right questions when they are really drunk.

[kappadisney]

Thanks a lot guys - I am sending the email now and I am v v scared - but I am more scared of not sending it if that makes any sense - Thanks so much - I've gotten lots of good advice!

[bry{]

hi everyone - i am sure you all can relate to this huge game of bluff we call male female relationships. are we going to call or get called? well, I am invloved inone of these kind of relationships. This guy and I became friends 1 1/2 years ago when I had a crush on his roommate when we were on an internship in fl. Soon we grew close as we mutually realized his roommate lacked some good qualities to put it mildly. He asked to be put on assignments to work near me and we became close friends and spurred many rumors that we were romantically involved. One night our manager wanted to move us and then said to a girl that was working "Oh, I fogot you can't separate the love bugs - I'm afraid that if I separate them they might make a popping sound" Well, anyway, we just laughed off the rumors and he seemed to enjoy them as much as I did. We are both young and sort-of free spirits - we have lots of friends and like to go out and have fun and be young. Well we have kept in touch for over a year after the internship ended. We talk like once every two weeks at least and he has asked several times to come visit but we haven't been successful bc I always put it off - in order to lose weigh tor get my hair done,etc. - I think I am putting it off bc I am afraid of getting serious or getting disappointed that he doesn't feel the same as I do. He invited me to go back to fl , but I declined. He is staying w a mutual friend and having fun. He called me once and said he'd call me when he got back, but the friend called me and said he's been talking abt me a lot and said I am beautiful and that he misses me a lot. This is cool, but one night he got v. v. drunk. He asks the friend abt me - "She loves me doesn't she - I know she loves me - that's okay - I love her too" and emails me (barely readable but that's okay) saying that he loves me and knows I love him too and that I am cool and that's why everyone loves me and that he misses me and wishes I were there etc. But he was really drunk and this is not to be taken seriously but I am just not sure what he wants to come of this. What should I do? How should I react? Should I wait for him to call like he said he would or should I email him back? What should I say? The only advice the mutual friend gives me is that we are both denying our feelings even though we know we are in love bc we are scared or committing so soon when we are so young and still have another year of college! I am not sure how to respond and my main concern is preserving my closeness and friendship with this fabulous, beautiful, amazing, funny, exciting, sweet, special and unique person. What do I do? I've never felt this way before and I am not ready to give it up - but I am also not sure either one of us wants to be serious. I just don't understand what to do? thanks so much!