Bf suddenly distant ? I really want answers from MEN

[senoritabonita]

My bf and i just moved in together. Last night he came home from work and, really the whole day he was distant not returning my phone call, answering really vaguely.. when usually hes calling me off the hook. He came home and though he brought home desserts he was really distant. First, he did not want to speak at all. I prepared an incredible dinner (it was a semi-special occasion) and he did not seem bothered by anything. When I tried to be intimate with him he was excited visibly but he also refused me and said he really needed to shower. I was totally confused as he never cares about these sorts of things. I "forced" it anyway and he didnt even shower at all the entire night anyway. I always have suspicions of cheating because he did in the very beginning of our relationship while he was on vacation, so I am constantly on guard.

 

He put on his soccer game and completely ignored me for the rest f the night. I dont remember what i asked him but he actually told me while watching his game that i made him sick. He said later that he didnt understand how strong it meant in English.

He is Italian.

 

This is a HUGE change in behaviour as he is always bothering me each night. I asked him what was wrong with him today and he said nothing, he even yelled at me about it. yet when I texted him today asking how his day is he responded with "great! hope yours is too!" meanwhile he is usually texting a million times. I just have a strong feeling something is up.

 

I know I sound paranoid and needy but I usually dont care so much. It just seems like he is a completely different person than one day ago?

 

On another note, I just started a new job and one very very very attractive female coworker is having a birthday party and keeps insisting i come with my boyfriend. I am too nervous about it because he has flirted with girls at parties before and is very girl crazy. I am embarrassed he will do something or say something or that he will find my coworkers extremely attractive. Also he is italian and has curly long hair and girls are always fawning over him. I dont want him to get that attention from my coworkers. I know I sound so insecure but after lies and cheating from him I dont know that im at the point where I can enjoy myself at a party with him. Thoughts please... Id appreciate from men especially!!!!!!!

Edited September 18, 2013 by senoritabonita

[giblesp]

Taking this at face value and assuming this is the whole story,

You prepare a special dinner fro him, he comes home and ignores you telling you that you make him sick?!

 

Get yourself a new BF you deserve much, much better than a rude, insecure adolescent.

[madjac74]

Honestly my first thought was that he lost his job. His male (strong Italian) response would be to push you away because he is ashamed.

[ExpatInItaly]

Judging from all your previous threads, he is not being suddenly distant. He's been an ass to you for a long, long time. Smell the coffee, girl. We all warned you he would continue to behave this way, and look where you are now...*shrugs*

[Treasa]

You probably missed the dozen times I said it in your post from July, but DUMP HIS ASS.

 

Argh. You're never going to do it, are you?

 

He is not SUDDENLY being distant. Please don't make me go back through all of your threads and find every single instance of him ignoring you or being a dick, because I will, because I'm stubborn that way.

 

DUMP HIM.

[carhill]

Yeah, reading the past threads, my 'man' opinion would be:

 

He's so good looking, knows it and works it.

 

It's not that he's 'distant', rather it's more that he doesn't care and the main draw is his Italian charisma, which clouds your perception of the reality of this situation.

 

I've been around enough married men like him to perceive the signs. I'll retract my prior comments in your sex thread since this is clearly a relationship issue having nothing to do with sex.

[Leigh 87]

You're crazy for staying with him.

 

I have read your other threads.

 

There is not a chance that this guy is actually in love with you.

 

It is blatantly obvious from the things you have described.

 

Without even knowing him, his actions alone are NOT something a man who is head over heals for a girl, would EVER do to her....

 

Please leave him.

 

Stop trying to stick around in the hope that he will "change". Women cannot change the way I man acts towards them; a man either falls in love with you and is driven to put you first on his priority list, or he is NOT compelled to put you first. It is either or.

 

Look, I am sure this guy was very nice to you initially, I don't blame you for falling in love with a guy who seemed like he liked you initially.

However, he has shown his true colours now.

 

I really like my bf but if he starts doing even ONE of the things your guy has been doing, I would immediately cool things down and leave the guy.

 

It sucks to have to leave people, but you are relying too heavily on the nice things he does, and you're overlooking the bad things.

[senoritabonita]

guys as I have said many times before, I know you are right. It has just been alot of time that Ive invested and he is not ALWAYS so bad. But living with him now I realize that I cant enjoy something simple like salsa dancing or going to my pretty coworkers party because I know he will do something or think something that I dont want to deal with.

 

Another thing is that I feel like hes so disappointed with me so often. Just from the way he looks at me. I am usually confident and Im tall thin and pretty but I have the habit now of comparing myself with other people. The women in Paris are so stylish and beautiful and I feel like he wants the same from me. How do I deal with this sort of thing? I love my new job in Paris so leaving right now is not an option.

[PegNosePete]

On another note, I just started a new job and one very very very attractive female coworker is having a birthday party and keeps insisting i come with my boyfriend. I am too nervous about it because he has flirted with girls at parties before and is very girl crazy. I am embarrassed he will do something or say something or that he will find my coworkers extremely attractive. Also he is italian and has curly long hair and girls are always fawning over him. I dont want him to get that attention from my coworkers.

This part is particularly troubling. You seem to think that by hiding him away in a little hole, you will keep him all to yourself. This is simply not how people work. Keeping him at home and not letting him interact with others will not "cure" him of his bad behaviour, in fact it will make it worse.

 

You're treating him like a possession. You don't want him to talk to others in case they steal him away. Really? Like he wouldn't have any choice in it?

 

Take him to the party. If he flirts with the co-worker then slap him in the face, throw a drink on him and tell her she's welcome to his cheating ass if she wants it.

 

But from the sounds of it, you need to get rid of this jerk regardless.

[Leigh 87]

guys as I have said many times before, I know you are right. It has just been alot of time that Ive invested and he is not ALWAYS so bad. But living with him now I realize that I cant enjoy something simple like salsa dancing or going to my pretty coworkers party because I know he will do something or think something that I dont want to deal with.

 

Another thing is that I feel like hes so disappointed with me so often. Just from the way he looks at me. I am usually confident and Im tall thin and pretty but I have the habit now of comparing myself with other people. The women in Paris are so stylish and beautiful and I feel like he wants the same from me. How do I deal with this sort of thing? I love my new job in Paris so leaving right now is not an option.

 

 

Paris is a big city.

 

Make the most of it! Get your own small flat and go about looking for room mates if you cannot afford to live alone.

 

Perhaps u could even save up and move to another European city. Start a new adventure!

 

I know it's hard. I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship with a guy I was unbelievably close with.

 

I can tell you know that something is off...

 

What are you going to do about it? What's going to make you the happiest in the future?

 

Obviously, you would be happier with a man who treats you so well that you simply don't have to question him.

[ExpatInItaly]

guys as I have said many times before, I know you are right. It has just been alot of time that Ive invested and he is not ALWAYS so bad. But living with him now I realize that I cant enjoy something simple like salsa dancing or going to my pretty coworkers party because I know he will do something or think something that I dont want to deal with.

 

Another thing is that I feel like hes so disappointed with me so often. Just from the way he looks at me. I am usually confident and Im tall thin and pretty but I have the habit now of comparing myself with other people. The women in Paris are so stylish and beautiful and I feel like he wants the same from me. How do I deal with this sort of thing? I love my new job in Paris so leaving right now is not an option.

 

Do you really think you can't do better than him? He's already had sex with someone else, and you took him back. He's been a shady, dishonest, disinterested "boyfriend" and you moved across the world to be with him. Honestly, what do you expect of him now? By the sounds of all your many other threads, he isn't going to change and he isn't all that into you. Either kick his sorry ass to the curb or quit whining about it.

[crederer]

Well, judging just from this post, can you honestly say that you have not done anything that might make him feel this way? And I mean anything, things that you think he doesn't know about? Because he might know about things you kept from him but just isn't sharing it with you.

 

 

 

Also, as the other posters pointed out from your other threads........