Should I... or should I Not... take his class?

[jzlove]

At one point I liked this professor so very much, (well, it was a month or so, + a very intense week of in crush), cos at first I felt that there were every reason and signs that he may also be interested. Now all of a sudden, since last week, his attitude changed, and he hasn't shown up in places for a week that he normally would show up and knew I would be there. Cos early last week I was talking very nervously in front of him than usual, so I don't know if he sensed something or what not, but with the fact that he just somehow show up at those places in a different time (well, like twice, or almost three times now), I feel that he could be avoiding me, (could he? would he has reason to just of that?), or is simply is busy. I will have yet to see when I see him next time, but I don't see him often except at those aforementioned places, and he's Not ever there now!...

 

Now, my question is, with the feeling of rejection (cos tho' not sure yet if he's avoiding me, but almost pretty sure he is not interested, or somehow attitude change after he May had sensed something etc.), I now have to pick whether I should take his class next semester. (sidenote: I met him outside class this semester, he's a new teacher, somehow we'd been very friendly to each other, except till last week, unless I perhaps just thought too much). But with that feeling I have towards him--- feels rejected, like I'm not good enough for him, even a little annoyed at him too, but still may give in to the remaining amicable feeling I have for him if I see his friendly face again--- I don't know if I should take his class next term.

 

See also the thing is, among the five sections of that one class, his section is the one that seems to be the most popular so far, (only like 5 vacancies left, compared to some professors' 18 or 25+ vancancies for that same class). It can only be explained that though he's new, he must teach well for the students to like him so much and pick his section, unless... I'm doubting if it would turn out that more than half of those who signed up are female students in my situation? (Though part of my early attraction was that I thought I was only the few students he would talk to so friendly like a friend, but I won't know cos I don't see him in his class, cos remember I met him outside class.)

 

So, should I then? Perhaps he Really teaches better than the others? Or unless as I say...the female students factor...? Though either way, should I still plunge in, disregard my feelings,... cos I know that I would work extra harder just wanting him to know that I'm a smart one, just not sure if I can handle the emotional part of me... and like if I can really accept that fact that he's just gonna be my teacher and that having him as a friend is not even an option any longer. (cos I doubt the situation would get better with him really managing my grade, he may more so just see me as a student, right?). (sidenote, also: at one point, before the feeling of rejection and annoyance gets in the way, part of my romantic interest earlier on was that I would accept just to be friends with him, cos I was interested in just even getting to know his mind and him as a person.) So, what do you think, should I, or should I not take the class???

[Queen B]

My simple advice....stay far, far away...this could cause a lot of trouble for both ofyou in the future.

[morrigan]

You should not enroll in his class, unless this course is a requirement for your major. Take another class instead. You are wanting to take this class to be near this man; your studies and goals will be put on the back burner.

 

Being friends with a teacher is one thing. However, it is unethical for a teacher to become involved with a student--he could be terminated from his position if he did have or was perceived to be having a relationship with a student. I don't blame him if he is backing off from seeing or speaking to you.

 

A teacher-student romantic/sexual relationship is unrealistic in the long term, and it is on unequal footing. The best way to get over your feeling for this man is to stop trying to run into him and realize there are other guys who are as interesting and attractive as he is.

[jzlove]

I understand... but but... is that even

(1) he can possibly be the best teacher among the five sections (much higher enrollment rate than all the others) (p.s. I need to take either one of these sections cos this is a pre-requisite for my other advanced level courses), and that even

(2) I'll very likely work harder in face of him cos I like the course material for one, and for the other, I won't want to fail in front of him but be the smart one. (I'm not sure if I'd get distracted, but if I can really get myself to give in and get over my feelings, I will surely be able to do that.)

What do you think about the validity of the above points?

[morrigan]

I would work extra harder just wanting him to know that I'm a smart one, just not sure if I can handle the emotional part of me.

 

You should work hard in a course to understand the material that will help you in further classes, not to impress someone else.

 

I doubt the situation would get better with him really managing my grade, he may more so just see me as a student, right?

 

Who knows? He may be a teacher, but he is human.

 

part of my romantic interest earlier on was that I would accept just to be friends with him

 

I can understand your feelings for this guy--I really got along well with a professor of English literature at the college I attended. Had he been my age and not my teacher, I would have been very attracted to him. He was neither of those, so I wasn't interested.

 

You may have to accept that you can't be with him romantically, but it still sounds like your feelings are hurt. I think it would affect the way you would view this course, instead of concentrating on the subject matter, you'd be worried about how he felt about you on any given day. I'd still sugest taking the course with another teacher.

[jzlove]

Hmm... Thanks for your input Morrigan, that sounds like a good way to deal with it, you're right... I just wish I hadn't met him that way, if only I met him in a class, then I'd just be fully contend as a student... (p.s. You mentioned from your past experience that "Had he been my age and not my teacher, I would have been very attracted to him. He was neither of those, so I wasn't interested." For this guy, in terms of age, he's in his late 20s, and I'm 20... maybe it's still considered a large difference to some, but just fyi.)

 

 

BUT let's put it this way, what if the other professors for this class really is getting fairly bad reviews? (except for one other, but that one clashes with my schedule, see.. I tried...), should I still not pick His?

 

 

 

Sorry to ask again, just that I'm very confused and just want to make sure I get more of your opinions... and I gotta decide before each of the better professor's classes ran out of space!... Looking forward to hearing from you all! THANKS.

[lovesimpexity]

I'm not sure what would be holding you back from getting over him, somehow this always seem to be a hard thing to a lot of people, but if you can see that nothing can ever happen between you two, might as well just Do It. Then, if he Really is such a good teacher as you mentioned, you should just go ahead take his class and that may benefit you academically. Do others agree?

[CCTeacher]

jzlove,

 

As a college instructor, let me explain why this is a bad idea on several fronts...

 

First of all, teachers are human, and even if he is married or in a serious relationship, it's not uncommon for teachers to fantasize about students. You may think that would be to your advantage in the class, but it really isn't. He may grade you more harshly than other students just to prove that there is no connection there. Or in some innocent way, you might make your attraction known to him but also to the other students, and that would create an adverse learning situation for everyone.

 

Also, if part of the goal (as I suspect) is to get closer to the instructor for nonacademic purposes, you'd be better off doing this if you weren't in the class. Not only are teacher/student relationships inherently unequal, as the student "looks up" to the teacher but not vice-versa, but any sort of romantic flirtation could put his job in jeopardy. A good instructor would know not to let a student gain a power advantage on him/her, and even relationships with former students set the instructor up to be fired or just gossiped about in the rumor mill.

 

Take another section of the course. It'll save you and him a lot of stress, and you could always bump into him into the cafeteria and ask for his advice on a paper or have him explain something you don't understand (whether or not that was true). You'd still have that sexy student/teacher thing, but the instructor wouldn't have to fear for his livelihood. It's win-win.

 

--CCTeacher

[jzlove]

Thanks for you guys' advice! I think I know what to do now

 

p.s. Just a question...>_<""" from the previous post, does CCTeacher sound like female or male to you guys?

[JackieQ]

not sure why it matters if CCTeacher is M or F... the person is dead on. I've been on both sides...student/teacher.

 

It may be fun to fantasize about but the reality rarely matches up. Losing jobs/reputations/student status is rarely romantic.

 

...I gotta say...from your posts I get the feeling you know what you want to do and just want confirmation that you're right? Not sure we / I can provide that?

 

Jackie

[jzlove]

Fine... I'll say why I asked, cos I'm realizing that I may have said a little too much in my previous posts, so I just hope that person is not The Teacher... so I asked if that person sounds like M or F or not.... (So what do you guys think?)

 

 

Also, Jackie, I'm not sure what do you mean in the second part of your post, cos yes, I know I what I want to do, so yes I just want some guidance/confirmation etc., and I must say so far you guys reply have been pretty helpful~

[JackieQ]

first part makes sense. and the reaction I have is that it's durn hard to tell if the person is m/f.

 

second part, maybe I reacted quickly .. don't know. just seemed like you were wanting the ok to take this guys' class or continue with him .. and perhaps weren't wanting to hear that it would be a problem ...

[jzlove]

Jackie, I see what you mean... I totally understand how big a problem it may be, so I'm just trying to be positive and get over it, and that was what I meant to sound like... And I must say after this thanksgiving break, I feel much better now. =]

 

 

P.S. Others out there:...

I'm realizing that I may have said a little too much in my previous posts/threads, so I just hope that CCTeacher is not The Teacher... [cos it'd be pretty embarassing >_<""":o so I asked if that person sounds like M or F or not....[Any comments?]

[gridiron]

jz, glad you had a good Thanksgiving and are feeling better.

 

I kinda left it somewhat open how I felt about this on a reply to one of your previous posts, but I'd have to agree with ccteacher's points.

 

Surely there are some male students that you are attracted to? If you like the prof, then maybe you just need to find another guy (student) who is more mature, intelligent, commands respect, and good-looking too?

[jzlove]

life is strange.

Perhaps we should really really try not to overthink a situation too much, sometimes posting message on the board, at first can just be fun to see how others out there would respond to your situation, but later when you're waiting and waiting, you just get more anxious to see if you get a reply, to me it just makes me overanalyze something and becomes obsessed. And obsession, is my opinion, quite unhealthy.

 

 

Anyhow, I'm writing again on this topic, cos, well, not that i still wanna know if I should take his class , but just wanna announce this: the professor guy and I ran into each other in one of these activities club in town that we both happen to be a member, and that time we really chatted for a long time, and he asked me to hang out with him again next week! I was thrilled! ...especially I decided that I wouldn't expect too much already. I guess miracles do happen heh? I know i know, we'll be careful and all that, but what's life without at least trying?

 

 

And now, especially, I'm not gonna take his class, of course! :-p But, I just want to say from experience that these dating things work best if we let things go naturally. I don't even care now if I will have a 'relationship' (the dreaded word? )with him or not, really. Cos more so now, like I said before, I'd just love to have him as a friend, cos see, we have so much in common! (And, letting go and giving things to take its natural course, over a trip this past thanksgiving, I actually met two new very kind, fun, and interesting guys too! :-p one of them asked me to meet up this weekend, and the other says he'd love to see me again in the trip next week.)

 

 

So, hey, single girls (like me, still am) out there!!! Don't worry too much! Love and take care of yourself and things will flow. (well, yes, ironic, i know, it's hard to do, but if you try, it's at least a much higher chance!) See, I still don't know who's that CCTeacher, but I guess it's not him heh? and even it is, it doesn't matter now~ Heeheee and actually, that'll even mean another thing we have in common (same relationship message board? that's something!)