hollyhillcourt Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Reading material to save their marriage Monday when exMM called to check-in, he mentioned that he is supposed to be reading a book to help save his marriage, that its a boring read, he can't seem to get very far, and that BS has already finished it and wants him to finish soon so they will be fixed. I asked who referred it, therapist? But he couldn't remember, but not the therapist. I asked the title, and was a little surprised by the name - not an encouraging name. I won't say the name bc it's written by a preacher where she attends church. Being an avid reader, I ordered it on my Kindle just to see....and while I believe in God, knowing what I know, I don't think this will fix them. Honestly, if she was my friend I could point her in the direction to get exactly what she wants. After all, his biggest issue is being on the fence (not for me, but a general ambivalence and fear of losing $$$). If I was her, I'd call his bluff. Boot him and then see whether he mans up. If she ever called me again, that's what I would tell her. Each time we talk, I'm reminded as to why he is not right for me and I'm glad to be further down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 I don't think a book will fix them. I don't think he wants to be fixed...he doesn't seem to be completely over you and he says the book is a bore. He's just doing it out of obligation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hollyhillcourt Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 Agreed. Have a great trip! Link to post Share on other sites
cat Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 This is not a judgment, believe me-- because I am not one to judge and have compassion for the pain. It's an observation. It seems like ordering the book and reading it is a lot of mental and time investment into something that you're trying to move on from. Like you want to convince yourself that they will ultimately split. Not unusual-- I hope mine will ultimately split and list reasons inside my head that their marriage is unsustainable (they both cheated, estranged for 8 years, etc) but thinking about that keeps me from moving on. Do I want to move on really? To someone else who is more appropriate for me? Or am I waiting for him to leave his wife and come back to me? How long will I wait for that? Will I be able to handle it if he never leaves and therefore is in a situation that I view as "less-than"? Just thinking out loud here. Sending good vibes for your recovery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hollyhillcourt Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 I appreciate your feedback. It took a few clicks on my iPhone. Last weekend I read a book about Christopher Columbus. I will read just about anything. I've told him from the beginning not to leave for me. Given the fact that his wife knows, that's an uphill battle I'm not really interested in. I mainly post to let people know that you can pull yourself up and out if you want. I do think he will leave eventually, just not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Reading material to save their marriage Monday when exMM called to check-in, he mentioned that he is supposed to be reading a book to help save his marriage, that its a boring read, he can't seem to get very far, and that BS has already finished it and wants him to finish soon so they will be fixed. I asked who referred it, therapist? But he couldn't remember, but not the therapist. I asked the title, and was a little surprised by the name - not an encouraging name. I won't say the name bc it's written by a preacher where she attends church. Being an avid reader, I ordered it on my Kindle just to see....and while I believe in God, knowing what I know, I don't think this will fix them. Honestly, if she was my friend I could point her in the direction to get exactly what she wants. After all, his biggest issue is being on the fence (not for me, but a general ambivalence and fear of losing $$$). If I was her, I'd call his bluff. Boot him and then see whether he mans up. If she ever called me again, that's what I would tell her. Each time we talk, I'm reminded as to why he is not right for me and I'm glad to be further down the road. So, why not take the bull by the horns and you walk away. You end it. This guy IS trying to fix his marriage and he 'checked' in with you. Your A is over, he's your exMM. So technically you two are no more. Chances are (and I woudn't believe him either) he's lying and exaggerating to keep you as an option in case things don't go as well as planned at home. Why not tell him to leave you alone? Doesn't it piss you off and upset you that he is talking to you about this stuff? Your A is over, he's at home working on his marriage yet he reaches out to you. He's scummy. Why don't you boot him and see if he mans up? If he truly loves you, he'll do whatever he needs to do and then he'll come to you when the time is right. Staying and listening to him, allowing him to rely on you during this time isn't fair to you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hollyhillcourt Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 I'm not in love. That's a difference for me. We weren't together long enough. It's curiosity on my part. And actually I am being unfair to listen to him bc I know he could move forward faster if I didn't. And yes, he isn't right for me. I haven't cried or anguished over it once. He's like all my ex's. they always call...and good friends w a lot of them. ExMM hasn't asked to see me once. And I'm good w that. Link to post Share on other sites
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