What do people think of open relationships?

[Sophie]

Hi. I don't really have a problem, I'm just curious as to what people think of open relationships, because I'm in one and my friends are very derogatory about it but it doesnt bother me at all.

 

My man and I slept together the first night we met and have been for half a year. The thing is we have no relationship at all, it is purely about sex. And we both have no problems with putting this out in the open, I mean I'll ring him and say "want a bonk this evening?", and we dont pretend we want to see each other for anything else. Its on equal footing, he will do the same thing. He has on three occasions slept with other women (one night stands)over the six months, which he has told me about. I choose not to sleep with anyone else, mainly because I am not attracted to any other man in a sexual manner like I am to this guy.

 

For some reason, the situation suits me fine. I thoroughly enjoy sex with him and we have a fantastic time every time we get together. I suppose to some people it seems rather shallow and cold, but to me its perfectly natural and normal to want someone just for a good time. He respects what I want and I respect what he wants. Its lasted for six months, which is something both of us did not expect, so its obviously working for both of us. My friends think that deep down it must hurt me that he wants me for sex only (because it would hurt them), but deep down actually all I think is "I am so lucky to find a man that doesnt get offended when I ring up and say "come on over, I'm feeling horny, don't bring your problems just bring your body".

 

I don't see a problem, but my friends are constantly hassling me over this. They say I'm acting like a slut (I don't agree, as I only sleep with the one man and he is the only man I've ever slept with!). They say I'm letting myself be used by him (I think we're using each other, and there's nothing wrong with that if its mutual). They say its dangerous, with him sleeping around and potentially giving me an STD (we always use condoms, I can't do much else!).

 

What do other people think?

[Tony T]

Sounds like a wonderful arrangement to me.

 

Why are you even discussing such personal business with your friends? It is none of their concern. If you have not asked for their advice, they should keep their thoughts to themselves and you should tell them so.

 

It seems you have covered all bases...taken care of the STD thing. Since he is sleeping with other people and that obviously doesn't bother you, I think you should have a talk with a physician just to be sure you are taking every precaution possible to ensure you contract no life threatening STD.

 

If you can handle this current arrangement emotionally, by George I think it's great. If you feel good about it, and there are no parties being hurt, then it's a pretty grand thing.

 

Now, someday this guy won't be in your life and you'll have to face the issue of why you would choose this kind of relationship without getting out to search for one in which you could relate to a man in a multitude of other ways.

 

It's certainly OK not to be in an emotionally intimate relationship, don't get me wrong. But somewhere down the road you might find that you are missing out on some real good stuff.

 

In the meantime, have fun...and find friends who will stay out of your business.

[Stargazer]

Hello Lovey,

 

I think it's great - you both know where you stand and you are both honest, if everyone was like this there would be far less heartache in this world.

 

I'm a partner to a man who has an open relationship with his wife. The honesty and respect is phenomenal, it's great. The wife is NOT involved sexually, she's not bi, the sex is just between him and I, but we all have a great friendship. It suits me at the moment because I haven't met anyone I want to be in a committed relationship with. If I meet someone and choose to become committed then of course the sex will stop with this man. I see it as something that is fullfilling my sexual needs (and I'm learning a lot!) whilst looking for an emotional connection with a guy. It's not a 'sluty' thing, that word is over used. I see this as something far greater than that, to me 'sluty' is to sleep with a different guy 4 nites a week, that's sluty!

 

I thought long and hard before going into this with this man, I've never been one for casual sex but to me this isn't exactly 'casual sex', sure we aren't boyriend/girlfriend emotionally but in it's own way it is exclusive, we respect each other, we care, we are very honest with each other, he does not sleep with anyone else but me on the side (his wife, of course) and nor do I, we have had tests and we practice safe sex. It's a very good understanding and it works for us, I don't tell my friends because they just wouldn't understand, what I'm doing is OK with me and that's all that counts.

 

I would really suggest you don't talk to your friends about this, they just don't get it. As you said this is not something they would do, it's not 'normal' in their eyes, therefore it MUST be wrong. Is what you two doing impacting on anyone else? No! So why should they care. Sex is a very important part of life, sex is meaningless until we give it meaning, the trick is to know what the implications are going in, you do, so don't stress about what other people think.

 

Enjoy everything life has to offer, know that the time we have on this planet is limited......so do what makes YOU happy!

 

Hugs

[nycesq]

You go, girl.

[WGirl]

Well if it works for you, do it. I am not into it.

 

I would be a little worried if a guy you were seeing had three one-nigt-stands with women while still sleeping with you. I don't think I could be cool with that. I hope you're all being safe about it.

You go, girl.

[Juds]

If this situation suits you both, then go for it.

 

I only have one question : You say that you are not sexually attracted to any other man. I wonder why that is when there are so many handsome and SEXY men out there. Gee, I walk through the local mall and see them all the time.

 

I'm wondering how you would feel if he became seriously involved with someone else (as opposed to one night stands) and he wasn't available to you any more?

 

I ask this question because I know that I would feel a bit put out, regardless of how casual the situation had been. I'm wondering whether you would be happy for him, or realise too late that you have feelings for him?

[Sandy]

I am not in a relationship at this point , because frankly I don't need a man at this point in my life I have everything I need ,and I find men mostly want to run your life and tell you what you can and cannot do while they do who and what ever they want (my personnal experience) , but wouldn't mind having a relationship like yours except I would want it to be an exclusive

 

agreement , until the right one came along ya know for each?

 

Where can I sign up ? hehe

 

Stay safe !

[Stargazer]

I'm really glad you both posted your thoughts about this. If you read my post you would know my current situation. I've talked to two friends who tell me 'gal, you've got it made, I wish I had this happening in my life', before going in to it I was a bit dubious but to be honest it's worked out great.

 

I tend to agree with you here Sandy, I don't think I would be a part of this if I also knew he had 'others', it is exclusive for us (apart from his wife) and more than anything I feel good about that because of the safety side of it.

 

People are asking me the same thing........"where can I sign up, lucky cow!". I'm learning a hell of a lot :-)

 

Thanks girls!

[WGirl]

You are proud you are sleeping with a married man and that he only sleeps with his wife? How can you be proud of that? It would be one thing to have a sex only relationship with someone who wasn't married. That is dispicable. I feel bad for his wife in this situation.

 

She seems to be the victim.

I'm really glad you both posted your thoughts about this. If you read my post you would know my current situation. I've talked to two friends who tell me 'gal, you've got it made, I wish I had this happening in my life', before going in to it I was a bit dubious but to be honest it's worked out great. I tend to agree with you here Sandy, I don't think I would be a part of this if I also knew he had 'others', it is exclusive for us (apart from his wife) and more than anything I feel good about that because of the safety side of it. People are asking me the same thing........"where can I sign up, lucky cow!". I'm learning a hell of a lot :-) Thanks girls!

[Stargazer]

There are NO victims here and I do not feel I need to explain myself to someone who has judged without having read the WHOLE story as explained above.......but because this is a public forum I wish to bring it to your attention that if you are going to spew your opinions then please do so by having the courtesy to read ALL of the threads in a particular post, then judge others as you see fit. Do NOT make comments without having read ALL the facts FIRST, it's damn rude.

 

The facts are these: his wife knows, approves and wants this for her partner, it is NOT a 'normal' marriage, it is an 'open' marriage, one where the other completely trusts the other and one where they have a deep enough love to know that they will always come back to each other. Go read my post, get the facts straight and then dare to judge me or anyone else for that matter. Do not ASSUME that there is no honesty, how dare you!

 

I do not expect you to understand and as I said I do not need your approval, obviously this type of agreement offends you, you're perogative. That's fine but don't judge without the facts.

[kelli]

It's one thing to have casual, no-strings sex with someone. But to do so with a married man and be so proud of it, that's indicative of some real issues and a lack of pride or self respect. Why would you want to share your man with someone else? THat's just sick. I suspect she has a problem with committment. So she chooses men who aren't really available, no strings. They got a name for women like this where I come from.

 

You are proud you are sleeping with a married man and that he only sleeps with his wife? How can you be proud of that? It would be one thing to have a sex only relationship with someone who wasn't married. That is dispicable. I feel bad for his wife in this situation. She seems to be the victim.

[Stargazer]

This whole relationship is based on honesty, there are NO lies, to anyone, we all know exactly what the deal is and I know exactly where I stand.

 

I obviously DID NOT make that clear enough on the above post.

[Curious]

Hi,

 

I'm just a bit curious as to the two opinions above, are you both saying that it's 'better' to have casual sex with a single man with the agreement that is exactly that - casual sex, than it is to have casual sex with a married man with the same agreement that it is exactly that - casual sex? The point in both agreements is sex and honesty!! *LOL*

 

Why is it somehow OK for the single guy to have the agreement with this girl, to have as many one night standers as he wants, are you saying that it's OK because he's not in a permanent relationship and having this agreement like the married guy (who from what I've read the wife knows and approves of everything). It seems to me that the married guy would somehow be a safer option, at least his partner knows about the other one, I wonder if the one night standers know about the girl with the agreement?? I mean why is OK for the single guy to have this agreement and not for the other bloke? Because the single guy might change his mind and commit?

 

Seems like some double standard opinions going on here!

[kelli]

i'm old fashioned and don't understand casual sex either, nor do i promote it. i've never had casual sex or a one night stand. have only ever had sex with someone i was in a committed long term relationship and there was mutual love. can't imagine sex any other way. i'm not saying it's more acceptable to have casual sex but the different between a woman having casual sex with a single guy and married guy is simple--the married guy is already taken, by his wife. he made vows to her, to be with only her. at least a single guy has made no commitment to anyone.

 

why would a woman have so little respect for another woman (the wife of the man she's having the no-strings sex with)? a married man should be off limits.

 

Hi, I'm just a bit curious as to the two opinions above, are you both saying that it's 'better' to have casual sex with a single man with the agreement that is exactly that - casual sex, than it is to have casual sex with a married man with the same agreement that it is exactly that - casual sex? The point in both agreements is sex and honesty!! *LOL* Why is it somehow OK for the single guy to have the agreement with this girl, to have as many one night standers as he wants, are you saying that it's OK because he's not in a permanent relationship and having this agreement like the married guy (who from what I've read the wife knows and approves of everything). It seems to me that the married guy would somehow be a safer option, at least his partner knows about the other one, I wonder if the one night standers know about the girl with the agreement?? I mean why is OK for the single guy to have this agreement and not for the other bloke? Because the single guy might change his mind and commit? Seems like some double standard opinions going on here!

[Crickey!]

Do you people interpret English as another language or something???

 

I will only say this one more time, it's the man's choice, it's the wife's choice, there are NO lies, there is NO deception, there is NO 'lack of respect'. The wife is more than aware, the wife is all for it, the wife is not a 'victim'.

 

I know you won't ever be able to understand the relationship they share but just for the record, again, the wife and the husband have an 'open' honest relationship.

 

END OF STORY.

 

This is in English just in case someone wants to translate it into another language.

[kelli]

What other names do you use here? That's pretty tacky.

 

I think we're all aware that the wife is aware of this arrangement, that all three parties are in agreement. But that doesnt' take away from the fact that subconsciously none of them really respect each other. and I think that a woman who'd have no-string sex with a married man (regardless of his wife's consent) has some major issues. with all the single, unattached, uncommitted, unmarried men out there, why pick a guy you have to share with someone? the only one who wins here is the husband. he gets to have his cake and eat it too. and two silly women who let him.

 

Do you people interpret English as another language or something??? I will only say this one more time, it's the man's choice, it's the wife's choice, there are NO lies, there is NO deception, there is NO 'lack of respect'. The wife is more than aware, the wife is all for it, the wife is not a 'victim'.

 

I know you won't ever be able to understand the relationship they share but just for the record, again, the wife and the husband have an 'open' honest relationship. END OF STORY. This is in English just in case someone wants to translate it into another language.

[WGirl]

From the way it sounded, you and the guy seemed to be having some elusive love affair. But even still, why does he bother staying married or why does she for that matter?

 

It is still wrong the way I see it.

This whole relationship is based on honesty, there are NO lies, to anyone, we all know exactly what the deal is and I know exactly where I stand.

 

I obviously DID NOT make that clear enough on the above post.

[How old are YOU? 12!]

I use a trillion names on here but you being so smart and all surely would know them all right?

 

I feel pity for your judgmental attitude, really. The situation doesn't fit into you little pigeon hole of "normal", therefore there cannot be respect or honesty there. I laugh at you.

 

There is a univeral law of choice, every heard of it?

 

You have got it through your thick head NOW, after a string of posts that there is no lying but you didn't before - go read your own posts, so don't sit there and finally post "I think we're all aware that everyone agrees"

 

Jesus, grow up!. I have never heard such narrow minded thinking. It's a choice honey, based on friendship. Sorry you can't wrap you little brain around those two words. As for respect well sorry to burst your little 'subconcious' theory there but there's more respect here than you have ever experienced, I imagine.

 

TO JUDGE OTHERS IS TO JUDGE YOURSELF. I bet you are someone who has a very hard time accepting all of yourself. I can only pity your narrow mindedness and self-rightousness. Look outside the square you live in, you might find some happiness.