Insecurity; cause cheating?

[deni9]

My boyfriend is very insecure with him self. he has pushed me away 3x. He says I can do better since "supposedly" I get looked at a lot and hit on. which keep in mind I think he is over exaggerating! he compares himself to guys I use to talk to including my ex bf.

Now he panics when I go out. He doesn't like it one bit. and when I go to college he is always asking me if guys hit on me. He tells me to be jerks to them.

Also my past bothers him very much. seeing that he lost his virginity to me, but has done oral with more than 3 woman. and I slept with 5 guys. which I actually do regret. 3 of them were long term relationships. My boyfriend and I are in our twenties. my ex bf who is 26 had the same problem he was very insecure. and controlling and even abusive. but that's why I left him, because I couldn't take it and knew I was worth more than that!

 

but I think my boyfriend now thinks im doing things behind his back! when of course im not!

Now, is he capable of cheating on me? can an insecure guy cheat on their partner because they think im doing it?

[strongnrelaxed]

It is more likely that he is getting signals from you that you are not 100pct committed to him. This may be not your fault at all, but a partner knows when their other half is there with them or not.

 

You should end this before it gets any further.

[ExpatInItaly]

My boyfriend is very insecure with him self. he has pushed me away 3x. He says I can do better since "supposedly" I get looked at a lot and hit on. which keep in mind I think he is over exaggerating! he compares himself to guys I use to talk to including my ex bf.

Now he panics when I go out. He doesn't like it one bit. and when I go to college he is always asking me if guys hit on me. He tells me to be jerks to them.

Also my past bothers him very much. seeing that he lost his virginity to me, but has done oral with more than 3 woman. and I slept with 5 guys. which I actually do regret. 3 of them were long term relationships. My boyfriend and I are in our twenties. my ex bf who is 26 had the same problem he was very insecure. and controlling and even abusive. but that's why I left him, because I couldn't take it and knew I was worth more than that!

 

but I think my boyfriend now thinks im doing things behind his back! when of course im not!

Now, is he capable of cheating on me? can an insecure guy cheat on their partner because they think im doing it?

 

Of course, and yes. Why wouldn't he be capable of doing so? And by the way, this boyfriend is insecure, controlling and even abusive (emotionally) too. Do you see a disturbing pattern here? Don't allow this guy to do what your ex did. And why should you be ashamed of having slept with 5 guys before your current boyfriend?! It's not his business and do NOT permit him to make you feel bad about that. You were single and could do whatever you pleased, there is NO shame in that! Don't discuss your past with him any more.

 

It's going to get worse, I can nearly guarantee it. I've been in your shoes. One of my exes was constantly interrogating me about which men I'd spoken to, smiled at, even looked at. It doesn't get better, no matter how much you reassure them. Why? Because YOU are not the problem here. He is. Until he stops blaming his insecurities on you, it is going to be an extremely unpleasant relationship.

[robaday]

I second the poster above. Also went out with an insecure person. Was cute at first and I wont lie I soaked up the attention.

 

3 years later and the accusations were happening once a week, the interrogations every other day, and it was no longer cute but abusive....I persisted because well, she had good qualities too, was smart, caring and at least for a long time really not likely to cheat.......guess what.....I found her on a dating website at the very end of our relationship. When I asked her about it, the only time i had ever said anything remotely insecure to her......she cut all ties and broke up with me

[PegNosePete]

He says I can do better

In my experience, whenever anyone says this, they are RIGHT.

He is insecure, controlling,, manipulative.

He is making you feel bad for being who you are. You have done NOTHING wrong.

You can do a lot better.

[giblesp]

Yes, the man is insecure with himself. But before we cast him in a pit and stone him to death, maybe we should look at ourselves and ask if we are secure, and have never been jealous or untruthful.

 

I didn't come on this forum because I was problem free, and I doubt anyone else did.

 

OP, this is a common problem in relationships. Love brings out the best and worst in people, but the worst comes out for us to release and let go of, natures way of purifying us to make the strongest children if you like.

 

I'd recommend having a strong talk to him, reflect to him that his mind is in a bad movie, not reality. You're loyal and loving him now. And point out that the way he's acting is going to destroy a good relationship that you have together.

 

The rest is up to him, if he wants to snap out of it and deal with it. Perhaps he needs a form of counseling, a positive change in lifestyle.