healing process

[RiceaRoni]

Day one after telling him to stop talking to me,

 

I feel sorta in and out of sadness and pain.

 

I miss him, no doubt, but I also know this is for the best, for both of us.

 

He blocked me on Facebook right away.

Which stung a bit, but I understand.

 

At times I feel sad and at times I feel alright and am laughing again.

 

I think this is an easier BU for me because

one. The relationship only lasted a couple of months and

two. I saw him as a friend in the beginning, but grew to love him as more so I think it's easier on me to view him back as a friend.

Three. It was an unstable relationship anyway. A rollercoasters because he couldn't make up his mind..

 

I have hopes I'll heal in no time, but for now Im just going through the emotions.

I'll keep this updated until I'm over him completely.

[JoelBarish]

I know hard this was for you. I hope I can have the same strength you are demonstrating.

[RiceaRoni]

This was hard for me...

 

But I've just been trying to look towards a brighter future..

 

It's never easy for me to lose someone I developed feelings for, especially if they became a pretty close friend as well.

 

Love is so complicated...sometimes I wish it were as easy as in the movies.

[JoelBarish]

Yeah, it's never like it is in the movies. In the movies 2 people find their way back to each other after a break up. I know that for me, that never happens.

[RiceaRoni]

Today is terrible..

 

I'm hurting and I feel my stomach in knots...

This is difficult..

 

Ive been sleeping more than usual and my appetite has gone.

[RiceaRoni]

It just doesn't make sense..

 

He wants love, I fell in love with him and he too, then he breaks it off with me

And continues looking for love...which I could have gave him..

 

Was I not good enough? I knew for a fact I was better than anyone he had before me...

 

I'm just feeling so frustrated...so frustrated I broke down.

Edited September 19, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[mtnbiker3000]

Many people want what they can't have. As soon as they can have it, they don't want it any longer. This is especially true in intimate relationships. My ex was like this as well. When she realized I was there for her no matter what, and for the long haul... she split.

[JoelBarish]

It just doesn't make sense..

 

He wants love, I fell in love with him and he too, then he breaks it off with me

And continues looking for love...which I could have gave him..

 

Was I not good enough? I knew for a fact I was better than anyone he had before me...

 

I'm just feeling so frustrated...so frustrated I broke down.

 

How many days since the break up

[RiceaRoni]

How many days since the break up

 

about 8/9 days...

[RiceaRoni]

Many people want what they can't have. As soon as they can have it, they don't want it any longer. This is especially true in intimate relationships. My ex was like this as well. When she realized I was there for her no matter what, and for the long haul... she split.

 

He complained about me a lot as well...

Saying I stressed him out..and then said I wasn't what he wanted, when he had told me days before I made him happy and he loved me, etc..

 

And then after the BU he says he feels alone and lonely..

 

And I'm just like what???

[JoelBarish]

about 8/9 days...

 

I think for me I am 12 days. Maybe if we get to 100 days the pain will be less

[RiceaRoni]

I think for me I am 12 days. Maybe if we get to 100 days the pain will be less

 

The pain will lessen. Definitely.

I'm just more angry than anything.

 

I deserve much better.

 

And JB you will heal and you will feel better in time. It's difficult and the pain is real, but it will pass...you just gotta keep reminding yourself you deserve better.

[RiceaRoni]

The days have been becoming easier, but at night...

 

Night is a mess. My sleeping schedule is so messed up.

 

And I don't know if physical pain is connected to emotional, but I feel physical pain.

 

It's very frustrating...

 

A part of me knows I can do better and that I don't need him and I should scoff at the thought of him..yet, a part of me is still hurting over what was done..and how things ended up. I can't stand him..it still hurts.

 

I know what I have to work on for myself.

Why do I seek happiness in others?

why am I accepting guys like this into my life?

am I really as independent as I think I am? Or have I become dependent on another to feel happiness and love?

 

Those are questions I've been asking myself and trying to figure out.

I was never like this. Before any relationship I've ever had, I used to be so happy and so outgoing, not afraid of anything, and I was strong and very independent.

 

I've also been questioning myself if I still did the right thing to tell him to leave me alone..

He hasn't said a word since I told him I needed him to stop talking to me. (Which is the point) but I wonder if I really did make the right decision.

Edited September 21, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[BlueJeanTangerine]

Day one after telling him to stop talking to me,

 

I feel sorta in and out of sadness and pain.

 

I miss him, no doubt, but I also know this is for the best, for both of us.

 

He blocked me on Facebook right away.

Which stung a bit, but I understand.

 

At times I feel sad and at times I feel alright and am laughing again.

 

I think this is an easier BU for me because

one. The relationship only lasted a couple of months and

two. I saw him as a friend in the beginning, but grew to love him as more so I think it's easier on me to view him back as a friend.

Three. It was an unstable relationship anyway. A rollercoasters because he couldn't make up his mind..

 

I have hopes I'll heal in no time, but for now Im just going through the emotions.

I'll keep this updated until I'm over him completely.

 

Any loss is painful and sad. Recovering from loss is a process and a journey which it seems that you are aware of. Feel those emotions and express them (cry if you need to cry). Time doesn't always heal the pain of loss, it can remain forever depending on the lose, though in time it's not as intense. It's more important what you do with your time now that will help you heal. Do positive healthy things that you enjoy. Take time to sit with your pain and feel it but do not let it take you over.

 

Hang tough!!

[JoelBarish]

I've also been questioning myself if I still did the right thing to tell him to leave me alone..

He hasn't said a word since I told him I needed him to stop talking to me. (Which is the point) but I wonder if I really did make the right decision.

 

What more could you do? Beg? This was his doing. Sure you could have put up with him contacting you but you know that would just keep you hoping. I know how hard it is to let go of the hope. Problem is that hope makes it harder to heal.

[JoelBarish]

I know what I have to work on for myself.

Why do I seek happiness in others?

why am I accepting guys like this into my life?

am I really as independent as I think I am? Or have I become dependent on another to feel happiness and love?.

 

You should check out the book Codependent No More. It's a great book about helping people with those sort of problems.

[RiceaRoni]

Thanks..I should check it out.

 

Just for once I want to meet a guy willing to out in as much effort as I am.

I'm tired of being given up on. Being given up on for ridiculous reasons too.

 

I know I'm a great woman. I'm extremely caring, giving, selfless, understanding and I'm just tired of being treated like dirt. Even if I stand up for myself it still doesn't change the fact that one been given up on...for once I just someone to believe in me and stay no matter what happens...because I know I'd be willing to do the same..

 

However right now..I'm better off alone. I need to rest because I'm tired emotionally. So much stuff happened this year and last year that I need the time to enjoy myself..

[ScienceGal]

The days have been becoming easier, but at night...

 

Night is a mess. My sleeping schedule is so messed up.

 

And I don't know if physical pain is connected to emotional, but I feel physical pain.

 

It's very frustrating...

 

A part of me knows I can do better and that I don't need him and I should scoff at the thought of him..yet, a part of me is still hurting over what was done..and how things ended up. I can't stand him..it still hurts.

 

I know what I have to work on for myself.

Why do I seek happiness in others?

why am I accepting guys like this into my life?

am I really as independent as I think I am? Or have I become dependent on another to feel happiness and love?

 

Those are questions I've been asking myself and trying to figure out.

I was never like this. Before any relationship I've ever had, I used to be so happy and so outgoing, not afraid of anything, and I was strong and very independent.

 

I've also been questioning myself if I still did the right thing to tell him to leave me alone..

He hasn't said a word since I told him I needed him to stop talking to me. (Which is the point) but I wonder if I really did make the right decision.

 

This sounds exactly like what I am going though. I know a big part of me is ready to be done with the dating game. I'm ready to commit to someone, and a strong relatiosnhip is important to me. So why do I keep trying to breathe life into dying relationships? Why do I miss someone who treated me less than I deserve? Frustrating, indeed.

 

Stay strong

[JoelBarish]

Ok so here is a little sample from the Author of the book I was talking about (I don't think this was in the same book I recommended). It's called the Gerbil Story by Melody Beattie

 

One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we—chasing it. “There it is. Get it!” we’d scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it. I worried about it, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.” A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.

 

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself. No, I said. I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it. It’s an irregular circumstance, but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be. I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway. I got more comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed. I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it. One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy. Detachment works. Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. I will feel at peace

[RiceaRoni]

Ok so here is a little sample from the Author of the book I was talking about (I don't think this was in the same book I recommended). It's called the Gerbil Story by Melody Beattie

 

One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we—chasing it. “There it is. Get it!” we’d scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it. I worried about it, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.” A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.

 

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself. No, I said. I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it. It’s an irregular circumstance, but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be. I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway. I got more comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed. I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it. One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy. Detachment works. Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. I will feel at peace

 

 

Thank you for posting this.

It really makes a lot of sense and I definitely understand what this story is trying to say.

 

I think with time to myself and some self reflecting I can become independent again and not have to depend on a relationship or other people for happines.

[RiceaRoni]

Yesterday was terrible for me as is today..

 

I find myself missing him again.

And I still find myself questioning and blaming myself for everything.

 

He put so much blame on me and didn't accept any of his mistakes...

And he constantly compared me to other girls and his own ex who had apparently abused him...

 

The other day it became clear that he is a pathological liar.

His own close friends told me and asked me about him lying and I think they were right. That he does lie. For what reason? They don't even know. Some of the things he said didn't always add up.

 

I just can't shake the feeling of being at fault. The angry text messages he'd sent me saying how much I made him unhappy. How much I angered him. When I hadn't done anything.

 

I would try to sort out differences in a calm matter, and keep calm, while he would be blasting my phone with text messages...he wouldn't even answer his phone when I called for us to try and talk it out voice to voice.

 

I don't know...I just feel terrible for some reason.

[RiceaRoni]

I keep having thoughts of contacting him, but even so I wouldn't know what to say since I told him I wanted to be left alone..

 

I want to talk to him, yesterday I felt like I was over him, but seeing how today is turning out..I don't think I am yet.

[ellowmay]

Ok so here is a little sample from the Author of the book I was talking about (I don't think this was in the same book I recommended). It's called the Gerbil Story by Melody Beattie

 

One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we—chasing it. “There it is. Get it!” we’d scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it. I worried about it, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.” A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.

 

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself. No, I said. I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it. It’s an irregular circumstance, but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be. I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway. I got more comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed. I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it. One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy. Detachment works. Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. I will feel at peace

 

What a good quip. The process of healing is always different but I think one thing is always the same: nothing makes sense until later on and/or afterward. Hindsight is 20/20

[RiceaRoni]

Ugh...it's driving me up the wall.

 

I want to know if he's found the girl hes "looking for"

 

if he has...I won't ever talk to him again..it'll be best that way.

 

If he hasn't..I might contact him again...because I've been feeling less pain.

[Minneloa]

Ugh...it's driving me up the wall.

 

I want to know if he's found the girl hes "looking for"

 

if he has...I won't ever talk to him again..it'll be best that way.

 

If he hasn't..I might contact him again...because I've been feeling less pain.

 

RR,

 

I am having trouble understanding why you would want to contact this person who disrespected your boundaries and led you on an emotional rollercoaster. Could you be romanticizing him and focusing only on the good parts?

 

M.