healing process

[Minneloa]

Yesterday was terrible for me as is today..

 

I find myself missing him again.

And I still find myself questioning and blaming myself for everything.

 

He put so much blame on me and didn't accept any of his mistakes...

And he constantly compared me to other girls and his own ex who had apparently abused him...

 

The other day it became clear that he is a pathological liar.

His own close friends told me and asked me about him lying and I think they were right. That he does lie. For what reason? They don't even know. Some of the things he said didn't always add up.

 

I just can't shake the feeling of being at fault. The angry text messages he'd sent me saying how much I made him unhappy. How much I angered him. When I hadn't done anything.

 

I would try to sort out differences in a calm matter, and keep calm, while he would be blasting my phone with text messages...he wouldn't even answer his phone when I called for us to try and talk it out voice to voice.

 

I don't know...I just feel terrible for some reason.

 

RR,

 

I get that you miss him, I do. But reread this post. An angry, blaming, pathological liar? Girl, you can do better. What would be the point of contacting him? I'm sorry you are hurting, but believe me, he is not worth your time or tears.

 

What can you do today to take care of yourself and remove the focus from him and the breakup? I mean concrete activities, like meeting a friend for coffee, going for a walk, calling a family member, watching a movie.

 

Sending good thoughts,

 

M.

[RiceaRoni]

RR,

 

I am having trouble understanding why you would want to contact this person who disrespected your boundaries and led you on an emotional rollercoaster. Could you be romanticizing him and focusing only on the good parts?

 

M.

 

Yeah....I think you're right M.

 

I just really miss our conversations and how easy it was to talk to him..

I felt accepted...

 

But what he did wasn't right...maybe later in time we can talk again...but until then..

 

sigh...time to focus on other things

Edited September 23, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[JoelBarish]

I think you're a love addict. I think all of us here must be to one degree or another. You really should read that book I mentioned.

 

I would tell you the bad stuff that will most likely happen if you break NC but you know it already and you have seen the negative examples. We all get tempted, I was driving around this morning and I thought of texting my ex. I was going to ask her if she was a lesbian - my ex has a really close female roommate and I swear my ex has bi tendencies - so it would explain a lot. I might get an answer for the break up. However, I don't think I want more pain because of her, I have had enough already. I guess I would rather not know and just take time to heal.

[RiceaRoni]

Yeah..

 

It's difficult..

 

I want to break NC... even though I initiated it, but I know I shouldn't..

 

He hasn't brought me anything but emotional discomfort... although I miss our conversations together and the time we spent...I don't see the purpose in being friends...I feel like if we try to be friends...he'll just make moves on me like he did before...and say he "changes" his mind, just so he can try to get some...no. won't stand for that.

 

I'm truly going to miss him...I say I can love him as a person, but I don't think o can ever LOVE him like I did before...too much damage has been done.

 

Even a close friend of ours said he has hurt me far too much to ever reconsider anything...and I agree with her.

 

It hurts more today for some reason, but I'm looking to push through it.

[JoelBarish]

Yeah..

 

It's difficult..

 

I want to break NC... even though I initiated it, but I know I shouldn't..

 

He hasn't brought me anything but emotional discomfort... although I miss our conversations together and the time we spent...I don't see the purpose in being friends...I feel like if we try to be friends...he'll just make moves on me like he did before...and say he "changes" his mind, just so he can try to get some...no. won't stand for that.

 

I'm truly going to miss him...I say I can love him as a person, but I don't think o can ever LOVE him like I did before...too much damage has been done.

 

Even a close friend of ours said he has hurt me far too much to ever reconsider anything...and I agree with her.

 

It hurts more today for some reason, but I'm looking to push through it.

 

I feel the same way you do about too much damage has been done to love the same way again. It used to be my ex was a source of comfort and security. How could I possibly be secure with her again now that this has happened? IDK

 

And I understand you miss the friendship. I miss that too. I guess us dumpees will just have to have faith that we will find it again with someone else.

[RiceaRoni]

Well that's that..

 

He's dating again.

 

Has a new girl...only after a week or so.

 

I'm done..

[RiceaRoni]

I'm so upset..

 

So disappointed..

 

For him it's one girl after the other.

 

That's how it was with me as well.

 

About a week or so before he was talking to some other girl and they had a thing....and then she left him...which brought him to me....and now after me there's some other girl.

 

Is this dating? I don't understand.

 

All I know is I'm angry and hurt and disappointed all at once.

[RiceaRoni]

Whatever...

 

He did me a favor.

 

Now I can find someone much more emotionally and mentally healthy..

 

(good looking and tall too)

 

I'm just....in awe... about this.

 

Well I hope she sees what I saw in him.

[JoelBarish]

I take it you snooped. Are you ok

[JoelBarish]

At least you now know. Maybe it will be easier for you to let go (once you get through this new pain).

 

I am a tempted to text my ex this morning and ask her if there is someone but I know it will just hurt. I think I will be better off just healing with not knowing. Maybe in 6 months or so I won't care as much and just assume the worst. I dreamed that she came back to me last night. I kept waking up and having the same dream over and over. Grrr

 

Wish I could give you a hug

[AnyaNova]

What you found out, is that you were right. He is more needy and dependent than you are. It sounds like the only validation he can get, the only boost, the only support is external and comes from that "newly minted relationship" feeling. It sounds like he has no internal resources to rely on at all. Which is why you are already worlds ahead of him. Which is why you will attract now, men who have those resources also. And who will be healthier. And why you deserve that. I know it hurts now and it feels like he is the only one (I know all too dang well). But it is temporary. Remember that someday, a few months from now, you will look back and wonder what you were so upset about when you think about how little he deserved you, and how much better you deserved to be treated.

[RiceaRoni]

Well I was blogging on my other blog last night, and I kept receiving anon questions, asking how I was, etc...and I became suspicious it was him, so I checked to see of he was online...sure enough he was.

 

Saying things like "the most painful goodbyes are the ones never said and never explained" and then to talking about some girl he's dating now that thinks he's the perfect height for her...bleh. Give me a break.

 

I'm more upset than anything. He needs help, and I would call him out on his s*** and tell him, but he wouldn't believe me anyway, and think I'm jealous or get upset with me.

 

He's so smug and has a narcissist behavior sometimes...it's irritating above anything else. Whatever, I don't deal with him no more.

[RiceaRoni]

What you found out, is that you were right. He is more needy and dependent than you are. It sounds like the only validation he can get, the only boost, the only support is external and comes from that "newly minted relationship" feeling. It sounds like he has no internal resources to rely on at all. Which is why you are already worlds ahead of him. Which is why you will attract now, men who have those resources also. And who will be healthier. And why you deserve that. I know it hurts now and it feels like he is the only one (I know all too dang well). But it is temporary. Remember that someday, a few months from now, you will look back and wonder what you were so upset about when you think about how little he deserved you, and how much better you deserved to be treated.

 

Thank You AN

 

These words help me, and make me realize..

 

We all deserve better

[RiceaRoni]

At least you now know. Maybe it will be easier for you to let go (once you get through this new pain).

 

I am a tempted to text my ex this morning and ask her if there is someone but I know it will just hurt. I think I will be better off just healing with not knowing. Maybe in 6 months or so I won't care as much and just assume the worst. I dreamed that she came back to me last night. I kept waking up and having the same dream over and over. Grrr

 

Wish I could give you a hug

 

Gah I wish I could give you a hug as well.

 

Things will turn up...Although you're tempted, stay strong..

 

As for the dreams, I know how you feel...the dreams have recently stopped for me and I've been able to sleep a lot better.

 

When you go to sleep, just try to think of other things and clear your mind..

 

I find drinking chamomile tea helps it calms the nerves.

[JoelBarish]

Gah I wish I could give you a hug as well.

 

Things will turn up...Although you're tempted, stay strong..

 

As for the dreams, I know how you feel...the dreams have recently stopped for me and I've been able to sleep a lot better.

 

When you go to sleep, just try to think of other things and clear your mind..

 

I find drinking chamomile tea helps it calms the nerves.

 

I am so tired of waiting. I feel like checking her FB. If I see a pic of her with someone else maybe the waiting will be over.

[RiceaRoni]

I am so tired of waiting. I feel like checking her FB. If I see a pic of her with someone else maybe the waiting will be over.

 

It'll just hurt more..

 

And you'll be tempted to stalk whoever it is (if there is someone) and you'll feel that same feeling im feeling right now which is a lot of anger. Or pain..

 

I'm so tempted to message this new girl he's seeing and tell her about him and how terrible he can treat someone after a while, BUT it's probably best I don't.

 

It just amazes me how much of a mess he is yet he can pull girls from left and right making them fall to his flattery..

 

I knew something was off about him from the moment I met him.

 

And yep I was right. And now other girls are going to suffer because of him.

 

I just want to tell him off, yet again that would just be giving him power and an ego boost.

 

What. A. D***

Edited September 24, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[JoelBarish]

It'll just hurt more..

 

And you'll be tempted to stalk whoever it is (if there is someone) and you'll feel that same feeling im feeling right now which is a lot of anger. Or pain..

 

I'm so tempted to message this new girl he's seeing and tell her about him and how terrible he can treat someone after a while, BUT it's probably best I don't.

 

It just amazes me how much of a mess he is yet he can pull girls from left and right making them fall to his flattery..

 

I knew something was off about him from the moment I met him.

 

And yep I was right. And now other girls are going to suffer because of him.

 

I just want to tell him off, yet again that would just be giving him power and an ego boost.

 

What. A. D***

 

Sending a message to the new girl won't help. She won't believe you. She will just think you are bitter. I remember when I first started dating my ex. Her "previous" ex would call and she would ignore the call. I, as the new person, would just think to myself "that guy needs to let it go". So in other words, the new person blindly sides with the person they are dating regardless if that person is mistreating someone they once cared about. That should have been a sign to me what she was REALLY like.

 

You are right about it being an ego boost to him. I think the best policy is icy indifference. I heard a saying once "whoever cares the least wins".

[RiceaRoni]

Sending a message to the new girl won't help. She won't believe you. She will just think you are bitter. I remember when I first started dating my ex. Her "previous" ex would call and she would ignore the call. I, as the new person, would just think to myself "that guy needs to let it go". So in other words, the new person blindly sides with the person they are dating regardless if that person is mistreating someone they once cared about. That should have been a sign to me what she was REALLY like.

 

You are right about it being an ego boost to him. I think the best policy is icy indifference. I heard a saying once "whoever cares the least wins".

 

yeah...Im just going to go back to moving forward..

 

I'll let her see him for what he really is when and if the time comes.

 

The mutual friend he and I have together doesn't like him either...she said after seeing what he put me through...she knows he has major issues to work out. So in a way I'm relieved I'm not alone in this.

 

I've also had a bad feeling about something...on my other blog I've received a couple of anon questions asking how my day was, and compliments, etc...I have my suspicions it was him, but...I wouldn't know for sure.

 

I replied to them because they didn't look like his type of conversation typing, and seemed more like a girl's way of writing, but I could be wrong..

 

either way..I move on.

[AnyaNova]

Good for you!

[mtnbiker3000]

I heard a saying once "whoever cares the least wins".

 

Yes, this does seem to be true. And it makes me think: What the h.ell is even the point, then? Grrrrrr!!!

[RiceaRoni]

Ugh..

Well today has been kind of like a rollercoster.

 

I've been feeling pretty down about how now he's seeing someone new...and now it's like I don't think I could even be friends with him...he doesn't even want a relationship with this new girl he's seeing. He wants a "flirtationship " where they're friends with the benefits.

 

It's outraging to me..because he's such a fool.

 

I'm angry with him, and I'm disappointed and slightly still hurt from all of this still.

 

He's so blind.

 

However some good things happened to me today so I'm trying to look more towards that than anything right now. It just irks me how he never learns.

[JoelBarish]

Ugh..

Well today has been kind of like a rollercoster.

 

I've been feeling pretty down about how now he's seeing someone new...and now it's like I don't think I could even be friends with him...he doesn't even want a relationship with this new girl he's seeing. He wants a "flirtationship " where they're friends with the benefits.

 

It's outraging to me..because he's such a fool.

 

I'm angry with him, and I'm disappointed and slightly still hurt from all of this still.

 

He's so blind.

 

However some good things happened to me today so I'm trying to look more towards that than anything right now. It just irks me how he never learns.

 

I think you have the right idea, looking forward is better than looking back. I am glad you have positive things going on.

[RiceaRoni]

I think you have the right idea, looking forward is better than looking back. I am glad you have positive things going on.

 

Thanks J...

 

I just saw something on his blog that really stung...

 

He's beginning to post their text messages...

 

I'm highly disgusted and hurt from this..

 

Apparently she's his GF already.

 

Something is so wrong with him..

 

I need to unfollow and block him now..

 

It's getting out of hand and much more difficult for me.

 

I'm about to snap and lecture him, and then tell her all about him...I'm so close, but I know it's best I don't. Sigh...he's just a lost cause now, and I need tl stay away from him.

 

I feel like sending an anon message to him telling him I deserve so much better..

 

I'm gonna hit the gym...that should help.

[JoelBarish]

Thanks J...

 

I just saw something on his blog that really stung...

 

He's beginning to post their text messages...

 

I'm highly disgusted and hurt from this..

 

Apparently she's his GF already.

 

Something is so wrong with him..

 

I need to unfollow and block him now..

 

It's getting out of hand and much more difficult for me.

 

I'm about to snap and lecture him, and then tell her all about him...I'm so close, but I know it's best I don't. Sigh...he's just a lost cause now, and I need tl stay away from him.

 

I feel like sending an anon message to him telling him I deserve so much better..

 

I'm gonna hit the gym...that should help.

 

Remember when we were all talking about not snooping FB? Yeah that should apply to all social media. Good job working out.

Edited September 26, 2013 by JoelBarish

[RiceaRoni]

Remember when were all talking about not snooping FB? Yeah that should apply to all social media. Good job working out. Sweat them buns!

 

Yeah...I know..

 

It's just I blocked him once already and then he texted me and bothered me about me blocking him, so I unblocked him and everything was fine up until now...

 

I came home from the gym and felt fantastic...

 

Until I went onto my blog...

 

He began reposting a majority of all my posts and liking them, etc...

 

I'm so upset right now.

 

And I'm hurt on top of that.

 

My dad tried consoling me..he said "well as far as I see it, he's still a boy. He's no man"

 

Which helped, but still...I'm just tired.

 

Im tired of him already.