dichotomy Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I don't understand why you can't block him or have it identified as junk. All email systems have this feature don't they? Also while I am in support of you forwarding them to his wife.... I suppose you could say to him "One more email or attempt by you to contract me will result in automatic forwarding of all your emails (since NC date) to your wife! Leave me alone or else! No more!" Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 yes...forward them. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 "I have some afterthoughts now. I don't really want him back BUT in some painful way it is better to know he loves me and that he is suffering too. But because it doesn't change anything there is where anger comes in." This is where you need to really shut the door. Nothing has changed. Even the "knowledge" that he loves you changes nothing! Until (or if) things do change, slam it tight. I disagree with Cali408 that you should send a warning shot. That's contact on your part. Forward the emails and be done with it. He is keeping you dangling as if you are back up plan. That sucks. Not good for you and certainly not good for his BW. Dump this dude. I agree he might be hurting, but he's made his choice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Ask yourself what do YOU have to gain by doing it? TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Ask yourself what do YOU have to gain by doing it? TFY I just want to put this out as a possible result of forwarding them. His BW might just decide she has had enough and throw him out. In which case he will come begging to you. And because you caused the situation, you could find yourself racked with guilt and feeling obligated to take him back. Now, this is a disaster. You don't want him under those terms. No way. In fact you said you don't want him back at all. You don't know what he has said to her. Just ignore. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. This is the best thing for you. It is all very well all this "she deserves to know" etc., but look after YOU. Your first priority needs to be yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I cannot change my e-mail address as it is business, and have no option to block him either. I promised myself not to read, but being just human failed:( Why isn't blocking an option? Is he a work colleague? Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 tiernan, I think the only reason he's sending you those emails is because he's selfish. He enjoyed having you on the side. Do you want to be someone's side piece? Second best? Close the door once and for all. You don't need this douchebag. He's proven that he doesn't know what he wants, and he can't remain faithful to either one of you. Send the emails to the W. He's not stupid, he knew that going back to his W would ruin the chances that he had with you. Send them. At this point you have nothing to lose. The situation you're in is way too toxic and IMO not salvageable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 My opinion remains to send the emails. If his wife kicks him out, he will come begging to you. Under no terms should you allow him back into your life. He screwed with your life and emotions. Maybe, he will see what it is like to really experience a loss and alone. He has always had a backup person to lean on. You never had that option. You were left to deal with his leaving you on your own. It really was all about him. Now, let your life be about you. He will finally see that you and BS are not doormats. Does he think all women are stupid? I honestly can't believe your xMM has the nerve he does. My xMM isn't contacting me because he knows I know the truth: he is staying with his wife because he is a coward and not willing to start a new life with me. He knew I couldn't take it anymore feeling like I was a pleasant distraction in his life. He knew I wanted more. He wouldn't dare contact me because I would rip him to pieces. I would tell him, he is the one that made his bed, so lie in it. Be strong. Stand up for yourself. You don't want him in any form. You are doing a rightous thing by informing his wife what he is up to. You would want someone to do that for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 (edited) tiernan, I think the only reason he's sending you those emails is because he's selfish. He enjoyed having you on the side. Do you want to be someone's side piece? Second best? Close the door once and for all. You don't need this douchebag. He's proven that he doesn't know what he wants, and he can't remain faithful to either one of you. Send the emails to the W. He's not stupid, he knew that going back to his W would ruin the chances that he had with you. Send them. At this point you have nothing to lose. The situation you're in is way too toxic and IMO not salvageable. And nothing to gain, either.... Did you care about the BS when things were going good? No..Now that its over, you have her best interests in hand by turning her life upside down? Just think about it for a minute. Just let it go...go invisible and forget about it...The team that loses doesnt set the stadium on fire... We all make mistakes..learn from it and move on.. TFY Edited September 20, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I say email him back and tell him that you have all the recent emails that he's sent you saved and your finger is ready to pull the trigger to forward all the emails to his wife. And make sure to say "If you reply to this email or contact me again, I have absolutely no problem sending everything to your wife. Believe me when I tell you this, I have nothing to lose, you do." That will make him shi.t his pants. If he's stupid enough to reply back or email you again, just send it all off to his wife. Don't tell him that you're doing it, just do it. DO however, be aware that his wife will contact you and want to talk, so be prepared to respectfully answer all that she needs to know and apologize to her for your part in all this. It'll help you (both) get some closure either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I would set up automated rules in my inbox to: * Forward his email directly to her, then delete it * Delete her email without reading Hard delete in both cases of course. That way, you don't have to see or know about any of it and it can't possibly bother you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I don't think you have any intention of sending them. It sounds like you are enjoying hearing about his suffering and you know that if you forward them to his wife that he may hate you and never want to contact you again. I doesn't sound as if you are really ready to walk from this train wreck just yet and that is sad for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 And i think you went really far and desperate to give him even your work email. The rest of your post is judgemental and a bit ranty but this sentence absolutely displays your ignorance about this situation. The OP and exMM had been together openly for two years. Of course he had her work email. OP went NC with exMM. He has REPEATEDLY contacted her since. She didn't dream up the idea of forwarding emails to his wife as some sort of revenge or to hurt the BW. She's been considering it because he's made his decision to return to his BW and in this case the BW has a right to know what he's doing continuing with these mails. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tiernan Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. They help me one way or another to recognise my true feelings about it (even the judgmental ones for sure). I reckon I will never know what is behind him contacting me and there is no point of guessing. He sent another e-mail tonight - on top of saying how terribly he loves me he added a bit about his drinking. But it is gradually ceasing to have such an strong impact on me. Tonight I wasn't angry so much. I thought that there is something wrong with him. I had never thought him emotionally unstable , but looking at our past - he must be. For today I think it is behond my dignity to do any action and my plan is to IGNORE him completely and continue NC. I hope to look at it from the distance which your comments extremely help with. Our break up was not emotional - I have my pride, so I wished him well and all the happiness in life and just went NC. My behaviour now to send those e-mail would be in conflict with it. Let them deal with what he had done and truly hope that in time I will be deleting his e-mails without reading. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. They help me one way or another to recognise my true feelings about it (even the judgmental ones for sure). I reckon I will never know what is behind him contacting me and there is no point of guessing. He sent another e-mail tonight - on top of saying how terribly he loves me he added a bit about his drinking. But it is gradually ceasing to have such an strong impact on me. Tonight I wasn't angry so much. I thought that there is something wrong with him. I had never thought him emotionally unstable , but looking at our past - he must be. For today I think it is behond my dignity to do any action and my plan is to IGNORE him completely and continue NC. I hope to look at it from the distance which your comments extremely help with. Our break up was not emotional - I have my pride, so I wished him well and all the happiness in life and just went NC. My behaviour now to send those e-mail would be in conflict with it. Let them deal with what he had done and truly hope that in time I will be deleting his e-mails without reading. Forwarding the emails would be opposite to your behavior so far... you didn't show him heartbroken or broken. If you forward the emails he will believe you're only mad because he left... You would be looked at the pathetic dumped person left behind who is only mad because she lost.. and not because of the heartbreak... He made a decision, he should stick with it and let you live your life... Stay strong!! And vent all you need, let US hear instead of them ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. They help me one way or another to recognise my true feelings about it (even the judgmental ones for sure). I reckon I will never know what is behind him contacting me and there is no point of guessing. He sent another e-mail tonight - on top of saying how terribly he loves me he added a bit about his drinking. But it is gradually ceasing to have such an strong impact on me. Tonight I wasn't angry so much. I thought that there is something wrong with him. I had never thought him emotionally unstable , but looking at our past - he must be. For today I think it is behond my dignity to do any action and my plan is to IGNORE him completely and continue NC. I hope to look at it from the distance which your comments extremely help with. Our break up was not emotional - I have my pride, so I wished him well and all the happiness in life and just went NC. My behaviour now to send those e-mail would be in conflict with it. Let them deal with what he had done and truly hope that in time I will be deleting his e-mails without reading. Yay! This is self empowerment! This is dignity! Your self respect is SO important! Hang in there! Im cheering you on! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I take it your company has an IT department? If so, then why not ask them to change your email address. It is possible to do. Then send out an email to all your contacts with your new email address. Sure it's a bit of pain in the ass to do, but it'll be well worth it! No more exMM and reading his emails. Only real way to get over someone completely and heal is to never see or speak to them again. Link to post Share on other sites
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